Girl I Never Met

There's a girl I never met
But she seems so cool to me
She isn’t like any other girl I’ve known about, but we still need to meet
I only know so little, but I feel like its been a thousand years
Since the girl I never met has been with me and I have been with her

It seems as if my worries and insecurities all just float away
When the girl I never met will be coming over, I hope to stay
This girl I never met, but have so much I want to share
Will be a constant thought on my mind this just isn’t fair

Why have I come so close to meeting this girl I never met
Why is the anticipation like a knife almost cutting at my neck
I bet it’s because she is so great that there needs to be a rise
Before the epic ****** hits and I finally get to stare into her eyes

Propaganda
Propaganda
Propaganda
Propaganda
Repeat
Repeat 

Repeat
Repeat
The American Way
The American Way
The American Way
The American Way
Terrorist
Terrorist
Terrorist 

Terrorist
Indoctrination
Indoctrination  
Indoctrination
Indoctrination
Nationalism
Nationalism
Nationalism
Nationalism

I have come to know who I was meant to be, or at least I think I have
I have come to know how oppression works, at least I think I do
I have come to know what is ethical and what is not, or are my lines arbitrarily mapped
I have taken time to think about my life, but have I moved forward with it

I think of my past, my present, my future the map to my life unfolding
I see what I’ve done and what I hope to experience and I have come to realize something
I am part of an enormous painting, one that is committed
To ending oppression in all of its forms from patriarchy to racism and classism
I don’t know who I am but I know who I’ll be and I know where I will stand
I am one pixel, one dot, one stroke on this painting of ending all forms of oppression
And when I get discouraged, doubtful, and drab I cannot forget this painting
For it is not a portrait of me or of you it is a painting of all of us, a painting of freedom

I will keep fighting the fight for true equality, I will not be deterred
I will listen, I will love, I will chose to speak up
Because without all of us dots, us pixels, and strokes there would be no painting
And the beautiful idea that we can all achieve liberation is a reason to keep creating

as we collect our stories and reclaim our names
we become aware of the possibility
that, in fact, we always live with our ancestors
as we collect our stories and reclaim our names
we start to contrive
the raw material
to obtain our fibers
as we collect our stories and reclaim our names
we start to cultivate the insights of how those fibers can be woven into strands
that when interlocked with other fibers
create a collective blanket, untold histories

No, not a patchwork-quilt, not a melting ***, not a salad bowl
not a room full of flags with countries we cant place on a map
and full of people WE can’t help but fetishize
no, No, NO
this is an interwoven stitch
this is a tattered rag
that has been used to wipe **** off of colonizer’s *******
that has been used to wipe the dripping *** off of Thomas Jefferson’s ****
as he finishes up with his Saartjie Baartman,
that has been used to hide the faces of the KKK as they drag uppity black boys down the street
and LYNCH them in carnival and spectacle
that has been soaked in Black and Brown blood on the streets of
Ferguson, Baltimore, New York, North Carolina, Milwaukee, and every other city and district in the US of KKK

This is not a handholding session with me
I am the oppressor and I must fear my own wrath
my fiber is white, my strand is white
and too many strands are white
and too many Black, Brown, Red, and Yellow strands have been bleached
or told “wait your turn to be included in the blanket"
or "be thankful we even include you in the stitching
give us a TOKEN of gratitude”
I take YOUR strands and use them to cloth MY babies while yours lie naked

The time is now
to take the clorox and gulp it down as it eviscerates our throats and consumes our souls
We don’t need anymore whitewashed histories
we dont need anymore white sheets
we don’t need to go to BED, BATH, and BEYOND
I cannot come to you with a bail full of cotton and ask you to join me in a knitting session
#IMNOTRACISTBUT…

this is not a time for diversity and multiculturalism
or the co-option of “social justice”

this is a time for Solidarity

this is a time for Liberation

this is a time for Abolition

this is a time for Insurrection

this is a time for Rebellion

this is a time for Revolution

I cannot be the leader
but I can contribute
I cannot be the voice
but I can sure has hell listen

and this is how we will transform the blanket
not with hollow words and moderate reforms
but with direct action and liberatory collaboration
by yelling the phrase “white supremacy is as American as apple pie” at the top of our lungs

not with corporate funding and 5,000 dollar a plate galas
but by dismantling the looms that have woven the threads of
Hate, ****, Land theft, and Genocide
that have woven the strands of
reservations, redlining, white flight, and gentrification
and by co-creating ones that speak to our destroyed histories
that refuse to use the bleach
even when the blanket gets *****

I want perfection right now
I don’t want perfection later
I want perfection on the first try
I don’t want perfection some other time
I want perfection right here and now
And if I can’ t have it I’ll  scream
But to want perfection is an imperfect notion
So why would I want perfection to happen to me?

Click “Lowes, you can do it we can help”
Click “Dolly comes with everything you see here including stroller, bottle, and bib”
Click “Destroy your enemy with NERF guns”
Click “Play kitchen with real opening oven and microwave, learn to become a mommy just like you’ve always wanted”
Click

We live in a free society, one where we are independent and free to make our own choices....right
We live in a country where anyone can become anything.....don’t we?
Then every time I turn on the TV why am I flooded with heteronormative racist propaganda?
Why is my future daughter forced to work in a kitchen and take care of the baby from age 5 and up?
Why is my future sun told to fight against the evil invaders with nerf guns?
Why are my future neighbors portrayed as white people with picket fences and perfect lawns
I sit down click after click white after white, heterosexual after heterosexual, gender role after gender role.
Pounded into our heads, indoctrinated by elegantly crafted hate speech.
Rhetoric that has become so naturalized it fails to be seriously questioned
Well I will question it!
I will look for answers
I will not sit by and watch our youth be molded into perfect Americans by the “free market”
I WILL STAND UP, AND I WILL MAKE CHANGE!

some people choose to eat their nuts in big old handfuls
some people nibble and nibble so they don't run out
some people only like peanuts, cashews, or almonds
but when you eat your nuts you use a spoon, no doubt

who knew a spoon could be used to munch on some nuts
we all thought it was weird when Mr. Pitt used a fork for his candy
who knows maybe your art form will catch on
and eating nuts with spoons will be dandy so dandy

I guess it makes sense when the nuts are honey roasted
All that stuff can get kind of messy
But even if their salted I don’t think its called for
To use a spoon for nuts is so unnecessary

Why don’t you put your hand in the bag
Or just dump them into your palm
Are you pretending its cereal
Or is it to work out for your arm  
either way I’d like to know more about your weird way of getting
some nuts from the bag to your mouth is so breath taking

who knew a spoon could be used to munch on some nuts
we all thought it was weird when Mr. Pitt used a fork for his candy
who knows maybe your art form will catch on
and eating nuts with spoons will be dandy so dandy

When you share nuts do you make people use your spoon
or must they have their own at the ready

To me Zeyda means a strong man
A man who can admit his mistake, but does not dwell in regret
To me Zeyda means a loving man
A man who will tell you how amazing you are and that he will be there for you no matter what
To me Zeyda means a caring man
A man who will put his well being after his family’s and because of this has a family who makes sure he is well
To me Zeyda means an honest man
A man who always has the best intensions for his friends and his family
To me Zeyda means a knowledgable man
A man who has seen many things yet is still able to admit his ignorance and at 80 still is willing to learn, grow and change

All these things and more are what a Zeyda means to me
But Zeyda, you are more than a Zeyda
You are a father, a brother, a husband, and a friend
You are someone who loves so many people unconditionally
And as much as you cherish all of us we cherish you as much
I am so grateful for so many things, But being able to call myself your grandson is one of the best things of all!

******, ****, Gay
these words cut through queer youth
like their razors through their wrists
words that cause the list of queer youth committing suicide seem like a revolving door
queer youth of color forced into a two doored slaughter house
The army or the pen
Queer youth of color being harassed, beaten, and killed
While gay marriage is the sign of equal rights for gays
I CALL *******!
There is no equal rights for gays when gay people are given the “privilege” to enter the heteronormative social constructions of the American Dream, to believe in the American Way
There is no equal rights when the blood of gay youth floods America’s streets!

Bob Marley says when music hits you you feel no pain
But when I feel music I can feel the pain of so many suffering artists
I can feel the pain of Nas, Mos Def, and Talib Kweli.
I can feel the pain of Isaac Brock.
I can feel the pain I feel inside of me
Music is my independence, or one of its many manifestations
The universe has no limits when I am being blanketed by the warmth of music
And to me this is the greatest form of independence
I can experience myself through someone else’s experiences
That to me is interconnectedness
So how can I be interconnected yet independent?
How can I feel the warmth of music while at the same time it chills my bones?
Music is like life full of contradictions, but without them would cease to exist
Music is like life so personal, but shared by all peoples
Music is like life it takes courage to listen to your own as well as other voices
Music is life because for so many that is all there is left to live for.

its all been said before better than I’ve said it
so just forget it I meant what I said and
Im tired of feeling so distant from everyone
and pretending that Im coherent

So tell me a story of ignorant bliss
before I was cursed with giving a ****
no time to regret old actions and ways
Tell yourself that your changing but U’ll never change

Its grimy and gritty and ****** and ******
But at least we got music each other and such
and if I get too ****** up don’t assume that I’m drunk
Because it takes too long to feel it
Because it takes too long to feel it
Because it takes too long to feel it
Because it takes too long to feel it

Why cant I go away
to an imaginary place thats locked in my dreams
So close but so out of reach
If I wanted to I could just be there in an instant
and fly, fly so high
till I realize that I cant get away
if i hide, I wont hide, I cant hide

Its grimy and gritty and ****** and ******
But at least we got music each other and such
and if I get too ****** up don’t assume that I’m drunk
Because it takes too long to feel it
Because it takes too long to feel it
Because it takes too long to feel it
Because it takes too long to feel it

Grey haired lady
in the middle of the floor
Questions that ask nothing
other than to prolong silence
the walls bleached white with cold hatred
Burn the brain with fake light
did we invent the right angle
or did we just exploit what has always existed
Have we figured out who and what we are
or have we lied about what we aren’t
I’m a little boy without a *****
I haven’t been myself all my life
My identity is what I have when nothing else is left
Don’t tell me who I am!

Is it their love that makes a Rothmel woman so strong?
Or is it their strength that lets them love?
Is it their ability to do ten things at once that makes a Rothmel woman so graceful?
Or is it their grace that lets them do ten things at once?
Is it their wisdom that makes a Rothmel woman so willing to fight for their beliefs
Or is it their strong beliefs that give them their wisdom?
Is it their compassion that lets a Rothmel woman raise such loving children?
Or is it their loving children that enrich their compassion?

A Rothmel woman knows that they all feed into each other
Multiple rivers flowing simultaneously into the  ocean that is their being
Their strength, compassion, love, and wisdom all manifest in different ways
But it is their strength, compassion, love, and wisdom that lets us all be here today
A Rothmel woman plants the seeds, tends to them, and makes sure they grow
And beyond anything the naked eye can see a Rothmel woman always knows

It is Rothmel women who make sure we are all safe and loved
It is Rothmel women who make sure we have the strength to be ourselves
It is Rothmel women who take our hand even when we are unsure
And it is Rothmel women who put themselves last and everyone else first
All these things and more are what I see Rothmel women as
And it is Rothmel women that have put the empowerment of all women at the center of my life path
Without a Rothmel woman I don’t know where I’d be
But because a Rothmel woman never gives up
The strength and power all women have are as clear as day to me

Are my summer dreams a nightmare
Or just some fleeting flashback
Of when I was younger and the pavement was our red carpet
When I owned more time for no thoughts
And now that I’ve gotten thinking
I can’t think about not thinking anymore

If I pretend that I’m not a grown up for as long as I keep growing
Can I avoid ever knowing what I have to do to be what I want to be
If it could only be so easy as sitting with no feeling
Because feelings only leave me in confusion and disbelief

If I’m only one person why do I feel so different
From who I was just 3 weeks ago
And if I don’t start doing something to stop myself from doing nothing
I think my apathy will drown me in a sink of lethargic thoughts

Why does every girl I like have a boyfriend and from Minnesota

Its alright its ok I guess its good to meet you
and not that I believe in it
but I cant help but want to be in it
and its not the fact that I don't want to get to know you
but not knowing what I really want to know makes me want you to know
whats going on in the back of my head
but it will never be said
because I don’t want to make it awkward
and I feel really safe when I’m talking to you
but I kinda want to stop talking
wondering why our lips aren’t locking
Im not just interested in *******
but I wouldn’t mind
if in a short time
we stop having all our clothes on

And it didn’t seem like you were anything
Anything of importance anyway
And it slipped through my fingers
Before I could figure
Out what I was supposed to do

But I stopped myself from not stopping
And I looked all hazy and grey in the mirror
It didn’t go away like you said it would
Instead it kept growing and growing

If I can take words and paint a picture
And you can take lyrics and sculpt a song
Then why are we so mad we have no talent
Then why are we so mad that we’re worthless

And if our critics decide to crucify us
At least we can die with a crown of thorns
And if our best friends start to despise us
Then at least we can watch the rain in peace and quite

***** fingernails and ***** talk
Scratch my back until it bleeds
I hit the ground and then I found
that I’ve walked past what I’ve been looking for so long
There hasn’t been a single vice
that I haven’t enjoyed so much
But when your throat burns from drips and drags
It’s time to start funneling your liquid brain back in your empty heart
An empty head but a fulfilled soul
Is almost worse than anything
Having so much love you want to give
Is hard to have when no one wants it

A strong woman makes you feel safe on a cold winters day
She does things without being asked or looking for pay
She doesn’t take excuses and gives even less
And even when you feel down she tells you your the best
She puts up with your antics and how crazy you are
But in the end she loves you by far

A strong woman has passion and wants to do all that she can
for not only her family, but for her fellow woman and man
She works her hardest to make her community clean
And never expects to take all the glory

Yes, a strong woman makes sacrifices and makes use of all of her time
Helping make the world a better place in every aspect of her life
Able to make real change where its needed most
Planting seedlings of hope that will most certainly grow

A strong woman takes on so many things
From loving her kids to all the work behind the scenes
All the things that a strong woman does
Are the reasons that I have so much love for my MOM

I work so hard for this 30 second life
But I’ve pushed these buttons too hard
I’m trying to get by with only a 30 second life
But its hard to go very far

So Ill take back whats mine and you take back whats yours
If I cant feel anything then nothing will hurt
So Ill try to put myself far far away
Until my 30 second life fades

Go back home to your mothers and fathers
When a basements your home who needs to bother
With living a life that would have been hard
Since its 30 seconds it will be over before it starts
When will I see my own face for what it is and what it isn’t
Telling myself its not worth it to take
But its only 30 seconds so who even needs it

Awkward conversations with nothing to say
When i took this path I wasn’t looking this way
So **** me right for not knowing what to do
When you think I have to put on a show for you

Don’t tell me I’m funny awesome or cool
When all you want to know about me is on the outside
I don’t think that there’s many fools
Who would want to get to know me anyways

Being weird and being normal are just social constructs for you to feel comfortable
Stop taking the soul out of others to fuel your own never ending hole
I don’t take lightly all the things I set out to do
When and if I ever come around Ill be sure your the first one to know  

Too many of us are lost in finding ourselves
When we should be finding others to help and be helped
When will we stop this individualist game
We aren’t the center of the universe
So lets fight for something.

Break down these walls
I’ll fall this fall
and swallow what I have to swallow
to get where I am
I don’t know what I did
But I’m here but I’m here
so something had to happen

There’s ******* clogging where air used to flow
through my nose and a haze where my brain used to sit
and no matter how many people and **** I fill in my room
I still feel alone and so lonely

I just want to ride away on a pony
I just want to ride away on a jet
I just want to ride away on a tortoise
Because no matter how far I go I can’t get away from myself

In a car with people I’ve met just hours ago
traveling the east coast like we know where we’re going
But nobody knows, not really
But who needs a destination

Beautiful asphalt and stripmalls cover our landscape
Two lanes then ten lanes where does it end
All night with no cigarets and no **** to spoil my lungs
Seems that every red light does not want to see us go
but the green light breaks its dreams

When the sun rises we’ll still be driving
But who needs the sun to drive
When we do make it, we’ll be better for it
When we make it we’ll never want to leave the car!

I fear I've been rejected before I've had the chance to be rejected
And my god that feels pathetic
Guzzle down some anti-depressants
And feel a sacred numbness that is saved for the gods
But that would be too easy
and I wouldn't like it anyway
So I'll barrel through and you'll barrel through and we won't ever keep our heads up
And well miss all the times we could've seen on the way
And of course it was worth it
To try and live a life with no purpose
But once you cracked your hard shell open
You just can't seal it up

Up here in this space I can see for miles
Up here in this space I am free from myself
Up here in this space I am one with all things
Up here in this space the only limitations are the ones I put on myself
I am free in this space
I am free at this moment
I am free in this space
I can face my whole life
I am free in this space
like the people here before me
I am free in this space
Amazed to be alive
This space has been mapped, surveyed, and sectioned
But before this it was the same place
Always evolving and always changing
For no matter how much is mapped it is still never their territory
No matter how much it is mapped it cannot be replaced

These feelings aside
I cannot hide
this isn't the time
But for your sake I'll try

I'm not at all ashamed
I have nothing to gain
But feelings of fake pain
Are slain on the pavement

I don't fear being taken by my own thoughts
I don't fear being stripped half naked
I don't fear the times I was covered in ****
But I am the only one that will make me

when home feels like miles away
and theres nothing to look at but yourself
being lethargic in your own right
helps put your feelings on the shelf

talk to me when I’ve become older
Because right now is for ******* up
Happier than I’ve ever been
chasing my own shadow
even though I will never be taller than it

Walk with me through this mangled landscape
The most beautiful pavement you’ve ever seen  
Talking to myself out in the open
Its better not to speak

You wouldn’t put me in a hole with nasty lovers
But you would take me to the peak of misery
I’ll follow you blindly till I am made up
I’ll follow you blindly because its easier not to see

There aren’t many people who would have stuck with me like you did
There aren’t many people who would have never given up
But you knew that I was worth it, you knew that giving up was not an option
All of  the yelling, the fighting, the cursing, and what we thought was hate
They where all worth it, they where all a part of us

No one said parenting was easy
But no one kid should make parenting that hard
It has been twenty years since we have met
And I cannot imagine having a better dad
I cannot think of anyone who I would rather have learned how to live life from
You are truly the foundation for which I make my decisions
And the moral compass you have blessed me with is something many lack

But more than a father you are a jack of many trades
Teaching me every day that the limits you set on yourself will equal the goals that you reach
Not enough children have a father like you someone who does more than just care
You push me and love me you challenge me and aren’t afraid to break me
You truly inspire me to be the best Hersch Rothmel I can be in every facet
Someone who makes a real positive impact on this world
Someone who would have never been who they are without their dad

all the dust of a room makes memories reappear
when it takes so long to clean you find things that never seem to leave
If I’m a cloud of smoke in the wind
then your the rain that makes me

I’ll take a trip around the world
Just to say I’ve been somewhere
Just to find out all I’ve been doing
Is loving to come home now and again

Finding time to say you have none
Is a way of wasting time
Sit and watch the cloud that makes us
Sit and watch our transformation into light

Bit off more than I can chew
So I keep biting and biting
Don’t fight me don’t fight me

Don’t make this a into a coup
It’s killing me inside
Don’t know if I’m right but thats ok it’s fine
But I told you before and Ill tell you again
When Jesus comes down
I’ll admit that you win
Blind faith and thinking
are two different things
one will lock you down
the other will give you wings
So don’t follow the messiah because of what we’ve been told
a books not a book just because it has words in it
And if you don’t start searching until you get old
You won’t be able to come to terms with it

You think your going somewhere
yet you haven’t met anyone
time will tell if the places you’ve gone have been
places you’ve been

When I find the source of all of my stress
Ill tie it up tight and refuse to let it go
Just like I refuse to let go the hours I know I'm wasting
When I find the source of all of my stress
Ill tear it up but keep it close in order to keep on waiting

I could look at this monster as a weight,
a weight that pulls me down,
that incapacitates me to no ends
I could look at this monster in fear,
something so horrifying I choose to blind myself to its presence
I could look at this monster with disgust,
attempting to fight it with hate and violence
the same hate and violence I so long to end
I could look at this monster for eternity with my blood boiling, my anger raging, and my heart pounding

I could look at this monster....with all of these feelings, but what will that do?  
Where will that take me, who will I become?
I will become some else's monster
A monster they wish to, want to, need to destroy....
The cycle continues.

you are who you already are
no need to go far
just breathe with me
you are who you already are
It isn’t that hard
just lose yourself and let it be

Don’t take yourself so seriously
it doesn’t need to be that hard, that hard
Just look at how you are in everyone
and everyone is in you
as far as the stars, the stars
And take this moment to be with me
Don’t let the time go by
Here in this moment we are poets
writing of who we are

“What is the meaning of life I ask myself”?
The answer to this question is right in front of you
The answer to this question is you.
What is the meaning of life?
You make your meaning
Your actions are your meaning
The part of me that lives on long after I have become the ground....
That is my meaning.

Lets sit down and take some time to discuss how we have no time to talk
Lets go take a nice long walk to move around for the first time
Lets look through a lens we’ve never used to look at the world in a different light
Lets not be scared to be uncomfortable, Lets not be scared to be wrong
Lets not have to be right all the time, lets admit our ignorance
Lets stop trying to fulfill a dream that is forced upon us
Lets go question what we know and confront the people who taught us
Lets go try and change the world even though it won’t happen in our lifetime
Lets stop thinking our happiness is separate from all those around us  
Lets take the time to really learn and really get to know ourselves