If I looked down on myself from above
I would look like a feverish dream
gold bleeding out of my eyes like a cracked open door
and cheeks stained crimson as if being out in the wind too long
rushing breath stumbling
down my lips
I am running
while laying in a mess of heat
heart beating just a little too fast
to make me
"normal"

you bring me down to earth with breaths you whispered into my mouth
maybe you're telling me secrets with your eyes
while I am desperately trying to regulate my heart rate
beautiful doesn't even capture
your hushed voice
tell me again
how to cut off my wings
and be human
you look like a dream
a feverish dream
I don't feel alive
but perhaps
oblivion isn't so bad

I'll throw my head up to the sky
attempting to break the separation
trying to stop running
while standing still
on the edge
of where I could be
and where I am
take my face in your hands
and convince me

I'm not dreaming

I havnt seen you in years,
through the happiness and the tears,
I confer a dream,
it wasnt happy nor mean,
just me asking if you opened your present,
and you looked at me with eyes that made me feel like a wealthy peasant,
we were laying in a field,
you were my guard and I was your shield,
the world around us began to burn,
and I felt like there was something to learn,
so I asked if you had anything left to give,
your hand on my cheek,
you told me to just live,
the answer wasnt the reverse question that I seek,
I held you close and it felt so real,
even though we have always been too far from each other to feel,
you told me you had to go because friends dont do this,
but how could I turn down the loveliness,
I couldnt, and I begged her to stay,
she said this was just a dream and go I had her to let,
I woke up then drenched in sweat,
and my pillow shmooshed against my face,
closing my eyes tight I beg God to let me go back to that place,
to let me back in the field to hold her once more,
but after a while,
my eyes just began to feel sore.

to love
it is
the me to care for lips seriously fragile. the

for me

to leap strenuously knowing
and dance amongst unknowing
the towering cadence, my heart. to

the for me (love) the

sturdily upheave the slowly clamoring of soil,
and march widely the span, my kiss, through closing

and meet with your kiss, the legion, my soul;
(a parting of silence. a fiercely innocent foal)

do not lay me amongst thy hand
(towar' heaven ascending)
of earth stuff more come.

come thy mouth as daughters;
come thy slavering, come thy pistil keep.
a flower,

come. come as
riotously fragrant Spring
snowing easily with health.

come, and, steal my soul for sleep;
and place 'tween the knees of forests
***** bales of sighing wind.

come in most unsilent clothed
thy myriad of flesh.

come and life

unmeet thy thighs
,admitting,

perhaps the lather(your colour)
through me to seep.

"How can someone love you
If you don't love yourself?"
The words of therapists trying to help
Won't go away

They're right
I'd been thinking about it all wrong the whole time
There's
         Nothing
                     To love*
They didn't want me to be happy
They just wanted to put me out of my misery