regret on my mind i hurt the one who truly cared for me
and i gave care to
though they mistake that for faux
the look in their eyes when she shalt told secret
she feels destroyed over what has done to whom she calls true love
core broke to remember thees mistake
when she saw true loves amount of hurt and pain
heard the barb wire wrapped around true loves throat
almost unable to speak words caused by pain she hast cast upon them
she broke something that was new and trust filled
and she wants to hurt herself for the action of her mistake
mistake being true loves friend of best
TERRIBLE ******* MISTAKE
**** YOURSELF DO IT DO IT!!!!!
she hears scream her conscience
her mistakes leave her to cry alone
lonely death foresees her cast by thees mistake
~im sorry enzo you are my true love and i dont know if i can fix what i did but im gonna do everything in my power to gain your trust back i love you and i never stopped and wont ever stop
-ghost shea

in the middle of the night woken up with a cold sweat
the chills run up her spine as though one million spiders would
a quick **** to the neck of the person who now not owns ones body
this movement was like that of a sneeze
cannot be controlled
feeling a feeling that was once familiar but thought ones feeling was gone
numb
caused by one who made her believe he loved her
told her he would be there forever
told her she was ok
told her he would fix her trauma
but instead
caused more
he threw her like a doll
he hit her with this wave of anger
she could not handle
he put knives to her face and threatened her life
more than once these "occasions" happened
he told her "i will never be sorry for anything i do to you"
that stuck with her every second of everyday
she had her last straw with him when he threatened to stab her in the side and **** her
she had enough
she was so alone
no one loved her
shes still going through this trauma
she is me

emotions were unrecognized
for him
i didnt think i loved him
did i?
i dont know
i love him as a friend?
what was he to me
friendly foe
dangerous friend
was he even a friend
more as so a lover
i don’t ******* KNOW
i can’t speak my emotions
being they are so complicated
words may not describe how one feels about ones “friend”
he’s just like me
unable to describe ones emotions
so in between themselves it’s hard to be themselves
can i tell him
maybe he will understand
what if it starts an argument
just like the last
they got so frustrated at you
don’t do it
it’s too risking
i’m gonna do it
no
i can’t
yes
i don’t know
maybe
yes
NO
“i love you”

I was drowning in my thoughts
Thoughts drowning in me
Drowning...
Lack of oxygen in the body causing significant distress
That feeling of drowning in my brain
Brain with no oxygen equals dead
Brain dead
Dead brain
Might as well be dead
Death be to me
I have to take an inhaler that good oxygen
No...
I mustn't
Losing consciousness
Body going limp
Limp goes the body of a sunken soldier
Fighting for so long
Now must die
0% oxygen to the brain
I'm cut off
The fatal ends have come
This violent delight had it's violent end
Violent end for a violent delight
Hear ringing in my ear
Is this death?
I'm almost there!
Stop breathing stop breathing sto...
I'm breathing and I don't know why
I'm half conscious
My mom holds my face above my death
My face she was holding
I was so weak
I wanted to **** her
"WhY mOm!"
"I wAnT tO dIe!"
All twas blurring out of sight
Sight gone blurry
Hear yelling but twas muffled
My step dad was mad I could tell
I could feel tears on my face
They weren't mine
As soon as it hit
I cried
Cried I did
Like a *******
"WhY dIdN't YoU lEt Me Go?"
My mom brought me to the car
a long drive was ahead of us
I asked two questions
One to my sister
"w o u l d y o u c r y i f i d i e ?"
The other to my mom
"w o u l d y o u c r y a t m y f u n e r a l?"
They both agreed to the statement made
The moon split
And crumbled
Falling like fireworks
Into the sea
The sea...
I admired all my life
Now in ever admiration
I try to open the car door to dive into the depths of the sea
Sea of depths I open a door to
no variation of lifestyle is good for me to live
Might as well not
Worthlessness surrounds me like a black ora
I just won't go away
Away it won't
A smell I have smelt before
Lingers in my nose
I hate this smell
An institute waiting for me with open arms
I've gone many moons before
We get in
They ask the same
I'm so lost in my hysteria
My face went numb
Lady: Breathe

Christmas=
~Joy
~Happiness
~Family
~Friends
~Smiles
NOPE
What if I had told you my heart was ran over by my mom and sister and never recovered and they died in that car crash of hate. My family is dead.....

I saw him today...
Pretty awkward right?
His arm wrapped around her the way he used to me...
We locked eyes...
He looked frightened...
I ran away...
Only to the safest place to cry...
A bathroom stall in a supermarket
What I didn't realize...
Was she was too in there with tear upon her face...
When I saw her..I don't know why but...
I hugged her...
She explained...
We were both out for the blood of a sinner...

Dear diary,
He cheated on me...
After a total a two and a half years......he cheated on me
Now I know it doesn't seem like a big deal...
But it was....