She sits upon a single stool
in the middle of the kitchen
Gazing upon congealed food
and hopes she is forgiven
for gazing upon the knife block
wishing every living thing dead
She doesn't have a problem
cleaning up the blood of others
but, what goes on in her head
Is her hatred for violence
Her absolute despise of distrust
Her almost implacable resolve
to make it dead, if she must
She abhors the deadly whispers
that critiques her daily choices
She sits alone upon a stool
trying hard to ignore the voices

Yesterday my sister visited me
and remarked on the dozen
blood red roses in a vase and said
how lucky I was to have someone to bring me flowers
I didn't dare tell her they were an apology, I didn't dare tell her they represented the blood I bleed,
I didn't dare tell her she could have them because if he came home and saw them missing...
He'd know someone came to visit
and the tones of the tune would be bass deep and in the end only I would weep to a song that would never end
and the roses would die inside the vase
while I quietly hid my face
Then the daisies would arrive
and once again my sister would visit
only to see fresh flowers in a vase
and sigh in heartfelt delight
but she'll never know, that the flowers
that continue to show up in the vase
represent my fear of the coming night.

It seems colder this time...

I mean, sure, I still have a warm body
to lay next to but I'm still chilled
Of course, the fire that burns
hasn't been tended upon
Nobody to cut the wood
No body, no body to cradle
Snowflakes like crystal tears
drop gently from my fears
little tiny rivers of dread
icy rivlets creating endless years
to be skated inside my head

So cold have I become
as I lay me down to sleep
you were once upon a time
the body that once sought mine
now just an empty husk
where I get to warm my feet

it flashes incessantly
in front of angry eyes
pleading to feed more
quarters into a mawing
jaw of an empty slot
mores lives to waste
with perfect haste
begging for another chance
but empty pockets insist
you no longer exist

she shall stand upon the sand

and bravely meet the wave

upon a shore of lonliness

bowing unto a new day

she shall feel the gentle kiss

of lapping water upon her skin

kissing spray of a repeat greeting

that continues to ask her to stay

she will sit upon the shore

to gather unto her side

repeating visits from

a retreating lover

that comes and goes

with the tide

all I can do is read it in my email
as the Poem of the Day
I can't appreciate your backstory
because, I'd say,
That one day you had a meltdown
and banished me
to the nether realms
where I languish as just a name
on your banned list
never to be revisited
but that's okay
don't feel bad that others
might appreciate your history
because we live it
at your misery.

Should I just walk away
or should I just pretend
that others will know the way
and I'll make it to the end
If. I. Follow. Them
Am I just a sheep
or representive of the people
do I bleet with power
or am I just a sheeple?
That minority that herds forward
seeking single blades of grass
to munch on arbitorial
swallowing questions not asked

How. Come. It. Cuts. Like. Glass?

am I misrepresented
by the shame of not being focused
missing the road to everlasting
Salvation

my ticket says I'm on a one way trip

to *Hell and Damnation

Beyond
sad eyes that
shed soulful tears
Beyond a closed mind
that relives all that it fears
Beyond the whip that would flay
the broken skin. Beyond the words that
mark a soul with sin. Beyond the painful ache
that built a spark. Beyond the empty days we are
apart. Beyond a world that I have to live without you
Beyond lips that drip poison are words that are true. Beyond
is a world where I would hide. Beyond you is just a downhill slide

are you the Lover, the one who will give me a kiss goodnight
the One who lays beside me through a restless night
the One who answers all my questions?

did you see me fall to my knees, in the gutter?

where were you when I asked you
'Why is the sky blue? What happens when
we die?'
'What happens when they die?'

Did you answer...?

I didn't hear your claim to glory
I was lost in all the gore,
and drowned in the story...

I love the way you lied to me
I can't get enough of your *******
But that's not it.

I just have to ask
one more thing

Why did you bring unending suffering, to me?
how come I can't see beyond the veil of grief
and why are we just a part of a whole, and
for the record, why did you never give me
the answer?

This Drink is for You!

Here's to the groovers, the movers and the shakers
Here's to the players, the haters and the takers
Here's to the quiet, the shy, the romancers
Here's to the boisterous, the
energetic, the dancers
Here's to the last, the second,
the first
Here's to the notion you can quench a thirst
Here's to the different, the unique
the one of a kind
Here's to the offensive, the defensive and
the one of same mind
Here's to you all!
Don't colour your world
blue!
This drink raised...
It's for you!

I won't forget the day we met
when you bring me dandelions
His words to me as we held hands
set upon me as I'm crying
I don't remember the exact moment
except a gal bought flowers to her man
dandelions from a distant field
meant you were at least trying, and I understand

then he slept for a while

On a summers afternoon
when we went for soda
you took hold of my hand
when we passed her
and you whispered to me
that you and her were over...

He sighed and said

I remember, it was the day
you showed up, dandelions
clutched in hand
Instantly my soul fell
into your embrace
but I understand...

and he slept for a while

she came back another time
four times, six, ten, a lifetime
forever just to remind him
without him she was nothing

Remember our babies born
raised with the essence of you
Remember how we made them
she blushed
Lucidity, for her, made the memory true

He lay with a beating heart
a blank slate, and a woman
who held his hand
He stared at unfamiliar walls
struggling to understand
how realities became memories
how the beautiful woman
touching his face
could make him feel so blue
as he reaches for a bouquet of
dandelions
that weren't even there, he asks
Who are you?

was your God the one
who took my Daddy away?
He wasn't very old...

was your God the one
that sat next to the orphan
who didn't pray
and mocked them
because they had nobody left?
Was it your God that took them?

Do you allow your God
his ***** work
and let him take
all the accolades
for War and Famine
and Pestilence
and Hatred
and just say
It's his way,
his right, by his design
as the Divine?

Was it your God
that intervened
in the alley
where there was a scream
where just a little girl
grew up way too fast
but brutally
she didn't last
until the next day
to understand
what it all means

He didn't intervene!

There was no intervention!
Stuttered prayers
from broken lips
fell like glass
onto uncaring concrete
shattering beneath feet
that shuffled past
one who prayed
but at the last
lost faith
in a
God
that just sits
on his ****
and asks for praise
but could not even raise
a finger
in benevolence

That's why I will never pray

Ask and you shall receive

*******!

Ask all you like, what you give to the Universe, you get back, imaginary playthings, give nothing!

Just my thought on that...

I am not a sufferer, just the sacrificial lamb, I walk everyday unto the slaughter but, I'm not the one ******. One who lives it every day is curled into a ball, just a tiny speck inside the universe I wish I was able to recall..
I would have the sun set upon your shoulders once again, to fight against the darkness but then, if you never slipped inside this hell and walked upon the path, would you be a better man or simply contine to hide behind your mask. I asked you yesterday, and twice today if tomorrow would be more kind? Your answer was "If the Earth shifted 10 degrees eastward then humanity is as ****** as I" and I sighed, for the question you did not understand. What I was truly asking was if you would come back restored,  as the man I adore, the one who I loved through eternity, but you reminded me you are no longer that man, the universe tilts on a different axis, we live in a parallel mind zone and when the time comes to own what's mine, I'll happily live beside you in your mind.

Haunting memories

10 dozen different creatures
that stalk the night
119 of them
just looking for a fight

One of them sits
perched like a peacock
upon my laborious chest
and in jest
asks me
through colours of
blue, red, gold and green
tell us of things
that should be unseen

Ahhh, no
I think I'd rather stick
to the Back and White
and undream
all the things
that would haunt me
at night

here, maybe
they are black
on white
just an outline
of what may be
but stars
are not silhouettes
not here,
not to me
they become 3 dimensional
with every breath
I take
tripping through
the Universe
not every Star will make
me want to breathe
another breath
tip toeing amongst
Poppy fields
I rest
breathing toxic waste
but wait..
the beauty of
your written words
makes me wait
I sit in a field
of unfettered pleasure
getting high
on monochromic doom
Until
you storm the room
and make me see
Shooting stars
treasured art
a part of the Galaxy
blessed you be
from the start
shooting across
my night sky
*its all I ask

down and *****
in an unlit street
her heart beat
once
then
double time
collecting coins
from grasping
fingers
dollar bills
would make her
eager
but her heart beats
once
for just coins

Something to place
over her eyes
when sleep
wants to come calling
So she's not unprepared
when on her knees
she's crawling
in her despair

towards salvation
at the end
of her damnation
she'll take a nation
who never cared
unless her legs
were in the air

Nobody cared about the little boy
with death in his eyes
with a collection of animal bones
buried deep inside a chest

Nobody cared about the little girl
with lily white thighs
with memories hidden in teeth marks
on her underdeveloped *******

Nobody cared about the young man
that wore ivory little squares as a bracelet
Not even blinking
when he said I made it

Nobody cared about the young lady
or her necklace made of chain
She wears in stoic silence
when staked outside, in the rain

Nobody cared about the man
who met a woman on a tether
Nobody cared about either of them
Until they got together

They shared an unholy lust
to pay back an uninterested society
To make sure all sins of the past
were paid back in sobriety

Talk was cheap without a cause
Nobody cared about them

Never

In sharing common indifferences
they made sure to repeat

mistakes that weren't theirs

*ever

A True Parting

She raises her tiny fist
to plant in the middle
of his stricken chest
She spreads her fingers wide
across his heart
her open palm
comes to rest

They may have come to pass
in the middle of the night
but currents tend to mask
what wrongs that can be right
Tossed together inside a maelstrom
only to shelter
each other from,
the small atrocities
of both their realities
only the two of them know true
what each other sees

She says

"See that ship over there
...by the pier
I should be aboard it
...as I stand here"

October 4 2011

Death came to me at just 15
my brother never made it home
He died as a simple passenger
a car accident victim, not alone
It came to me again at 27
my cousin who became my brother,
lit himself on fire, literally
because he had no other
but he was married, with 2 kids
she had left him earlier
you could still smell the burnt rubber
from her skids...
It came to me 6 years ago
when my Dad succumbed to Cancer
the big C, to see him weakening
was a blow, but he started to know
God at this time.
It made me angry!
First to recognise his Athiesim
Second to see him succumb
Third to finally see him bribe
his way through remaining time
What do you know?
perhaps God recognised his crime...
Death comes to me
every time I read the news
It hits just as hard
as if I knew
each and every soul lost
even though they are just names
written on paper
I think I might know death
just like you do
I mourn, but prefer
It waits for me
*Later

Jump!
They cackle
with maniacal glee
Jump! Jump! Jump!
Flee, be free
Staring into the black
toes curled over the edge
tiny pebbles falling,
not landing,
a not so safe ledge
You lift one foot
and hesitate
an arm slips gently
around your waist
a shaking palm
against your chest
and over your heart
it comes to rest
a warm wet cheek
rests against your back
tears of comfort
that can't attack
A soft voice
breathed into your soul
"If you take one step
you won't go alone
I won't let you go
If you jump, I fall"

Oct 12, 2011

I only tugged upon your silken curls
to remind you I was here
Intruding upon your salacious thoughts
your growling response
is nothing I fear
There is no singular thought
the plural is obtainable
Come! Let me melt upon you
Let the elusive mutuality
be equably available
I want you to be one with me
en mass and piled high
Like the stars of the universe
tripping over each other,
to lay down upon the sky
Like a song with a central verse
weaving choruses into forever
that single tug upon silken curls
is a reminder we are in this together

No one told me
I could not breathe
without you
No one told me
you could turn
so blue
Nobody told me
I could be robbed
is this the strangled whisper
so fondly spoken of
No one has ever uttered
about how you
could be held
Almost every living person
rejoiced daily
as you expelled
You can't be held
by the hand
only kisses on skin
is a ghostly touch
You can't be captured
except by an open mouth
sharing a passion
and loving rough
I almost had you once
I breathed you in
with Love
except
as elusive as you are
you ghosted in
and out of me
and left me breathless
to the last

In this autumn wind
whatever will Summer bring?
perhaps, a new skin?

I've got no one to see these tears
any one who cares to wipe them away
I'm afraid they'll just drip down
from my eyes and I'll simply drown
because I don't know who to talk to
If I had a friend I might be able to call
I'd struggle with what to say to them
Sure, I've got family, with their own problems
who would only want to say
You'll be okay, it's alright
I don't really know what to say
I just cry and cry and cry
the tears won't stop falling
they're like Winters hug
and Summers kiss
they fall hard and fast
until they are just mist
that glass my eyes
just a hint of sadness
that people find easy to ignore
but they continue to fall
while I wipe them away
they fall silently and blindly
to those that look away
but yeah, if I had someone
to talk to...
The tears would burn less
like acid and maybe, just maybe
they would evaporate
and go away...

your fingertips trace the curve of my cheeks, across my jaw
to my lips, down my throat and along my shoulder, skimming
my ribs until I shudder, crossing hollows, dipping into silken
valleys of skin only to return to my face to discover the rain

Standing by, about 10pm
a stranger stood next to me
asked me, from sideways lips
"Did you ever expect this is where we would meet?"
"Nope" I said to the stranger by my side
"I expected no one to come along"
Not interested in a conversation
uncaring where others belong
"Do you think there may be a reason?"
the stranger asks with a sigh
"Nope, not even interested"
as the trains arrival caught my eye
"Oh there's a purpose for my being here"
the stranger tenses muscles that flex and pulse
The train drew near and out of fear
I begged the stranger to get lost
"Leave me alone, I'm going home"
and prepare to depart for the train
that had not quite arrived at the station
no stranger would I permit me to detain
A stranger on a platform held out his hand
and stopped me from stepping onto the tracks
His last words to me as I sprawled on the platform...
"Some actions performed can never be taken back"