One day I awoke, strangely to find
the person I used to be gone, left behind

Somewhere, somehow, I became someone new
Who was much less like me, and a lot more like you

The changes were subtle, I did not even know
Until people asked me, just where did "you" go?

It appears I gave up being me just to please
the person I once proposed to from my knees

But the strangest thing is, I did not even see
the way you genetically, modified me

I looked like the me, that everyone knew
but instead of myself, to you I was true

And now that I see it, and begin to turn back
you're angry and bitter and start to attack

You think that there's someone else I now see
But don't see how that someone else can be me

I don't like the person, with you I became
It's not all your fault though, I'm partly to blame.

And just as I let you make me not the same
it is I that must choose my old self to reclaim

So from now on my dear our ways we must part
There's no place anymore for you in my heart

I'll put myself first, be alone for a while
Until I can look in the mirror and smile

And see there once more who I used to be
the reclaimed original version of me

Edgeless days are the hardest
to let pass you by
as you stare at all the pretty things
Just out of sight.

There sits, heavy in atmosphere,
On these days of no ends,
A timelessness
in the most tragic way.

All your toiling
begins to feel useless,
and errors make a mess of this.
Your anger - Instantly boiling

Futile barking.
Damning non-existent gods,,
And then a mocking laughing-
Since you are alone.

Because, of course,
You are alone,
Chained to the room
They're paying you to
|
When the crushing
Endlessness to your day
Could be so easily been remedied
with conversation or, some play

And now those gods
are laughing.
And you wish to be alone
                     From yourself.

I was dead before I knew I was dying
And now the grief sets in, my thoughts come out of hiding
As the people pass by, nod heads, close their eyes
Wishing they’d have been, the one to die
In the grave of self seeking lullabies
That softly lure us down to lie
And I look up above me to the clouds in the sky
As I’m lowered down they will stay so high
Away from this sorrowed soul and burdened heart
That soaked up the sin through the talent and art
Of thinking and feeling that consumed my life
Not in purpose or action but silence and strife

Am I living in my grave?
Why do I lie here in my grave?

It’s the dirt on my feet, I can’t see underneath
I am sick with sorrow in my black stained sheath
Can I pity myself more with flowers beside me
Am I comfortable yet, this is the opposite of free
Can consciousness be regained, to sit up under this tree
Notice the leaves and the beauty, that were grey so it seemed
Recognize and sympathize with feeling this numb
No one knows what its like to walk and to hum
Except the strong who have chosen to press
To fight and to run against the opposing forces
And when they reach their peace, in joy and hope
They reached the sky, of which I have only wrote
A line or two, only a line or two
Its something I’ve seen so rarely seen
from the grave I’m in, unsettled yet comfortable in
Looking at the clouds, that float above my sin

Am I living in my grave?
Why do I lie here in my grave?

When I have been placed here willingly I’ve been shown even more
With the make up they put on me and stories that bore
I was dead before I knew I was dying
And now the grief sets in, my thoughts come out of hiding
As the people pass by, nod heads, close their eyes
Wishing they’d have been, the one to die
In the grave of self seeking lullabies
That softly lure us down to lie
And I look up above me to the clouds in the sky
As I’m lowered down they will stay so high
I want to reach that height, can I please try
If I only had tried, revive me so I can try


To stand up in my grave, and to smash the stone
To stand in power and make it known
That I live in the power and might from the throne
Of the God of heaven who removes the stones
Who leaves us restless in our peaceful remorse
As I press and I struggle not for the sky but the cross
And I will fight for my life, fight for a life
With beauty and peace, where my sorrows will cease
Not a casket for living, waiting for death on a lease
I’m alive through a grave that brings me to shame
But lifts me up by the power of Jesus’ name
Why else would he die, we were meant to have life
But will I live it in my grave?
Or live it through his grace?
Am I living in my grave?
Hold me in your embrace.
Soak me with your grace.

The first time i did it
A belt and a beam
When they cut me
Down my mother screamed
The doctor frowned
At my beauty marks
The shrinks they called
To put me in a box

The second time
Was panic pills
My mother cried
That I fit the bill
She choked me out
What could I say
I told her i just want
A Holiday

And the the tempo changed.

For my witty grapefruit *******
My hair wrapped
Like a head dress
So they may say
What charm and grace
What a bitter soul
What a lovely taste
When they should find me
Swollen and ripe
My fat lined face
My clothes, my race
Twice now ive gone
Down the rabbit hole
Twice now they caught me-

All our words wear winter clothes
Leaving little to expose
The weak sunlight taps on your face
Slow motion seems to be the proper pace

The air is heavy and deep
A stare we love to keep
Snow falling like fluff
sometimes words aren't enough

We stand in the cold
Waiting for our story to unfold
We don't feel the wind blow
Only our warm glow

Under the dim sun light
Only your blue eyes are in sight
My lips in warm bliss
As we share a winter kiss

A warm breath we share
Its a little bit to much to bear
She pulls away, eyes dancing
She gives her house a glancing

She speaks in a quiet voice
We don't have a choice
She pulls away
She can't delay

She give me a shining smile
I stand there for a while
the warmth still there
I trudge home half aware

I lay in my bed
I feel half dead
Smile still on my face
I drift to that familiar place