We went to the movies the day of the apocalypse.
We happened to be the only ones there
and neither of us heard a thing.

It was like something out of the Twilight Zone;
everyone was gone and we were left without our glasses
and a book full of poetry which had been scratched out.

And all we ever muttered was,
"There was so much time;
there was so much time."

Woken from a dream by nothing but the fanblades--
It's two a.m. and I'm left wondering
silly things, of course--
and maybe I'm still sleeping anyway.
I wonder if I ever really loved you
and I wonder if you still...

Everything's gone wrong since you.
You like to say that it's your fault I had the seizures,
but that's my fault. I did that to myself.
All of this is my fault.
I couldn't let you go.
You know, it's funny;
I led you on because I liked the attention.
And I let you have me so I wouldn't lose you---
and look what that did.

And even when it was time to let you go---
"Let's cheat; let's ****,"
was in your eyes that night.
So I didn't let you go.

I tried, at some point---
I told you I hated you.
And you punched the ground.

Everything's gone wrong since you.

And now they have me on some medication.
That's my fault, too.
It makes me sleepy and it makes me numb---
everything feels gray now--
and lifeless.
You try to say something
to keep me from wanting to die
but you can't.
Even the clouds whose whispers
I heard and took pleasure in
have been grayed out by the sweeping hand
of medications.
There is nothing, anymore.

I wonder if you still love me.

I'm unfair, you know.
I want you to---
still love me.
I want you to be under my sticky spell---
I want you to do anything for me.
Even though we're long gone
and I have someone new now.

I wonder if I'm in love.

I told him yes but the meds---
they dull the soul
and turn the heart to stone.

It's two a.m. and I wonder too much.
I can feel myself hurting things.
This is what I get for being honest.

What am I doing?
****, I don’t know.
I’m spinning around
and flailing about
just trying to get a grip on
the walls, on the floor, on anything.
And you keep asking me questions;
I can’t handle the questions;
please stop asking me questions.
My head hurts enough as it is.
I’m lying to you;
I’m lying next to you;
I’m lying upon you.
I’m just ******* lying
through my teeth.
And by the skin of my teeth
I’m getting by.

Everything is a blur;
I guess that happens when you spin
out of control.
You’re taking advantage of me.
I’m letting you take advantage of me.
I’m so confused and you know it.
But you want me.
And if I don’t know what I want
it’d might as well be you.

The condensation is building up;
we’re making it hot in here.
And all the while all I can think about
is how much I’ll regret this later.
It is later and
I regret it now.
You keep telling me
how much you’ve enjoyed yourself
and you’re asking me questions.
Please stop asking me questions;
I can’t handle the questions.
My mind is so fogged up right now
like the glass of the mirrors.
Stop writing your name in the vapor.
I don’t need such a permanent reminder,
something I can’t clean off,
of what I’m doing to myself.
At least eventually your kiss will fade away.

another sleepless night my red
eyes tired and tried
i let your words fall
over my body like ashes

dust to dust i have buried
the bodies of those i have
loved and carried their dirt
under my fingernails back home

three thousand moths will settle in
the brickwork because the light
was on we hold our hands

against the ceiling as we drive beneath
a train a superstition when you laugh
i see the shape
of your skull behind
your skin

I'll never be the best,
     but at least I'll be something.

Too bad you don't know-
Or maybe you do?
The way,
The way I look at you?

You make me smile,
Lazy ***,
Don't you know that?

Please, stop.

Sonnet I

Across the bridge, I saw within my mind
--not missing it, but rather finding it--
an older love, the kind I'd left behind.
'Twas like the grains of sand, which never fit

together in the hour glass, but fight
for freedom 'gainst each other, falling down
until they land on top each other, right
and left of where they want to be. The frown

that took my face--which left it starved for joy--
reminded me of loving him; but now
there is another one, another boy
who loves the way I laugh. I now know how

to leave behind the one, the lost, the old,
for something new: the one I love to hold.

Sonnet III

The angel's wings were folded at his side;
his perfect feathers neatly tucked in rows
of white were shining in the sun. Below,
the earth was turning; water blue belied
the peace the world possessed. He stood beside
a newly-risen soul, a babe whose nose
had never breathed before it decomposed,
whose eyes had never seen and never cried.

The angel took the soul's small hand in his
and led the babe to see the almost-birth
it never had, the almost-life and love
of humans it would never feel. From this
it turned away. Forgetting mother earth,
the babe grew wings and lived its life above.

I hope you've buried her body.
Somewhere deep, somewhere hidden
so you'll never find her again.

I want to hate you for the way
you felt about her.
I want to hate you.

But I can't.

I am here to hurt you.

Hand me your heart,
bleeding and succulent
and young,
and I will show you what it means
to have loved and lost.

I am here to love you.

Hand me your soul,
singing and blossoming
and pure,
and I will show you what it means
to ascend to heaven.

Embrace my smile.
Surrender to my eyes.

Convince yourself
that everything that is wrong in my head
is something you can fix.