written February 21st, 2016

"Undoubtedly

Irrevocably

Engrossingly

Infatuated with one

Who makes the feelings stick on my tongue

My mind is racing when I'm with him, have so much to say but can't even begin

To describe the way his eyes look when he stares at me, the fact that every time he smiles or laughs I feel my heart beating faster, the way that his skin in contact with mine feels like atoms colliding and

I can't deny anything for I am merely but a speck compared to his obtuse proximity to perfection

As time moves on, the essence of his being creates a heavy heart that grows fond with his simultaneous attention and affection

Without him,

The sky would not be blue, the grass not green nor anything learned applicable

Without him,

Life would make no sense"

written February 16th, 2016

"Time is not a measure of progression nor a measure of defeat

Time is surreal

It is the absence of our mind in time that we don't find till later on in our lives

It's the 'looking back' of memories that are branded into our minds as nothing but

It's the past in which we will never get back

Time is not a measure of a moment for it is the measure of the feelings we once felt over a specific amount of

Time

It's irrelevant and key in every day life

It's the absolute yet the inferior

It's essential yet oblique

Time is everything

Time is nothing

Time is eternal

Yet only exists within ones own mind"

written February 16th, 2016

"Desperation for a change

Undeniable want for something better

I am undoubtedly obsessed with my imperfections

Leading me downward to a new form of insecurity

Feeling uneducated, unwilling, and intolerant with every day that passes

Days go by fast yet no progress is made

Just the same repetitive process, the same redundant schedule that repeats itself into insanity

How do I change into who I inspire to be?"

written February 15th, 2016

"Everything is progressing and moving at a million seconds per minute

Yet I

I am at a stand still

Science proves that when something is sped up to unreal measures, it eventually disappears

My mind is on an oasis with no direction

I don't know who I am anymore

Why does everything seem so unreal now?"

written January 10th, 2016

"Eyes diluted, staring into yours - red and glossy

Blood has turned to distilled grapes, and I taste the sin on my tongue

You feel up and down my spine causing little explosions to erupt inside my body

Inside every ligament and muscle

The shivers flow through my veins and I feel as if the world has stopped

For once, I'm content in everything that is occurring

Nothing has made me feel as high as the feeling of your touch"

Written January 2, 2016

"1 hour
30 min
10 min
5 min
Arrived, with a pleasant surprise of him busting open my drivers side door to kiss me
Filled with excitement and anticipation, I could see he was too, which made him all the more appealing to me
As I lit the fire to the green he went on to say how hot I was, making me blush and reconsider how stressed I was about looking good for him
Time for our Christmas, it was quite sweet how we both ended up giving each other records
The light in his eyes and his sudden interest that spanned from me to this present I got him was beautiful
He scanned through the 72 page script and smiled
I always love seeing someone's passions emerge
We kissed and kissed and kissed and then
Slept
1 hour
30 min
10 min
5 min
Awake
Onto another adventure
We drove, somewhat silent due to the fact we were both still groggy
Spent the afternoon in downtown, observing the contemporary architecture and waterfront
Admiring him often, thinking "how the hell did I land someone this cute"
Then we ended up seaside as the sun  set
People watching, laughing, and photographs
Yet, one picture that can't seem to escape my mind is how happy I felt seeing him gazing at the water, looking me in the eyes, and his cheeky smile
So surreal
I swear I could've stared at him for hours
Then, a movie
Feeling insecure and unwanted, he changed those feelings by grabbing my hand tight rubbing his finger up and down my hand
1 hour
I felt the dopamine receptors opening up to gain their prize
30 min
His hands rubbing up my leg, the prize was his affection
10 min
Exhaustion hit me, I just wanted to fall asleep on his chest and never leave
5 min
Thinking about how my time with him was almost
Over
And it was time to say goodbye, for we wouldn't see one another for at least another week
We talked to fill the void, spoke of future plans, meeting parents, and rooftops
Then,
The kisses we shared were so passionate and intense, I couldn't think of anything else in that moment then the thought of how beyond happy this boy makes me
A small wave goodbye and I was off
1 hour
30 min
10 min
5 min
Home and lonely, mind stuck on
Him"

Written December 26, 2015

"His face
The little freckles scattered aimlessly, the way his eyes look as they gaze into mine, the way his cheeks get rosy, and the way his lips curl over his teeth as he smiles and proceeds to talk with -
That voice
Slightly slurred in a beautiful way
It's deep and low which makes it all the more appealing
His touch
The feeling of him caressing my head as he inhales my kiss deeply
Face to face we fall into a universe of our own, one unattainable to others
The feelings run up and down my spine as the two of us get more passionate with one another
Him
So sweet with his words, he makes me feel on top of the world and has made me smile every day since the day they met
So smart
Words on paper flow into a story from creativity that enhances my understanding for him as an artist, an individual, a person
Deep with his perspectives
Always identifying how different we truly are from everyone else
And now,
weeks without face-to-face contact,
I miss
Him
Deeply"