Little kitty friends are sweet,
They sometimes rub against my feet,
Little kitty friends make me smile;
And they brighten my every mile.
Little kitty friends are God's blessings from above,
Come to fill this world with love,
Little kitty friends are everywhere;
But remember: do handle yours with care!

*~Marian~

even when i change, everything is the same

Let's go
Let's get it going
We are en route to lovecity!!

Everyone loves each other there
and they enjoy it
Everyone's beautiful
Including you
Yes, you

Over there
In lovecity
I can be Romeo and you
can be Juliet
or any other characters from
a romance story

Over there
In lovecity
You can have dances
every weekend
to celebrate your love
and to celebrate the occasion

It seems as if everyday I struggle to love myself. It goes beyond the normal, everyday insecurities; it feels as if I need to hurt myself, to tear away this ugliness and hurt.*

I look in mirrors and hate the reflection I see. I want to shatter and break away this distorted image staring back at me. I can’t look at myself without sadness and hate creeping into my lungs, without breathing so shakily because I’m trying to hold back my anger and disgust. I can’t look people in  the eyes, it would be so easily for them to see the scarred and overly-large eyed lost girl that I am. Somedays I don’t know who I am at times other than an ugly girl with no hope.

Somedays, I feel okay. I feel as if I can get through the day with a bit of pride, and other days-like today- I want to ******* scream and claw and away at the loathing I feel inside.

                         *Somedays, I just want to be beautiful and loved

there are the moments,
the F times,
far, few, fleeting...
fine.

when words do not fail,
but are not needed.
when the present provides presents,
preview glimpses of intertwined
futures.

when the children laugh and share,
the babies giggle out loudly because
the simple joy of being alive is
fascinating.

overused, even abused, I select
le bon mot, au courant
as all mine, reserved,
this singular time, preserved,
a summary word defining,
fantastic.

Do you pay your bills (on time)?

Lunar and sun cycles overlap,
interest accumulates, faster than
human cells compounding,
atoms splitting.

time rules inexorable,
it's justice, ruthless,
so many dues to pay,
for clubs I didn't want to join.

do not deny,
I bought much of my own fate,
my heart, my eyes overwhelming
my worn down, common common sense.

even if I pay my bills on time,
time is the only winner,
and what I possess,
becomes a prison, possessing me.