seven problems with wanting "happy":
1. stop listening to lists made by other unhappy people in their happy moments. these things will only keep you up until something stronger comes to knock you down.
2. if you don’t want to smile, don’t do it. if you don’t know how to pick yourself up, don’t force it. but just know that one day you’ll be tired of hiding in the darkness, and that sadness flows in arcs. as many times as you hit your low point, you’ll find high points, and that’s what life is about: wholeness. you are not static, you are not a two dimensional character who can only feel one thing. don’t settle for anything less than being dynamically full of experiences. you do not need “happy”, it is a pre-packaged pill bottle sold to us by empty promises and bleeding scars that we cannot close alone.
3. yeah, some people are ******* toxic and negative and ******, but sometimes you need them. and sometimes, they really need you. don’t talk behind their back, don’t try to bring them down farther - if you won’t take them out of your life, then be kind to them. practice being genuine.
4. compare yourself to others. realize that you are not alone, understand their hurt. do not live in a vacuum. you are not striving for something alone. compare yourself by recognizing your pain in other people, and realizing that you are the same. their journey and your journey do not have to be taken on separate plains.
5. think. think too much. don’t buy the ******* telling you to stop thinking too much. question the world, question why you feel so cornered, question why you hurt, question why you don’t want to open that door and walk into the sunlight. then do something about it. even if it is the smallest scratch of letters in a notebook.
6. understand that yes, there are inspirational words out there that have been spun into webs that swallow you up, in a glistening masquerade. there are words out there that will ease the pain for a moment but will leave you when you are lying in your bed, emptied of tears and life and unable to remember which black and white letters promised they would make things beautiful again. they may make you feel better for a moment, but you are not required to live a life outlined by seven bullet points. you are not obligated to make tea and wear warm fuzzy socks but if you want to do it then go ahead. you are not a bullet point. you are not a list. you are breath and pain and joy and blood pulsing through veins. don’t cheat yourself of life. decide for yourself and try to live with kindness because no one knows what the **** they are doing, and maybe if we realized that then we could figure it out together.
7. let yourself discover what you need. it is okay to tell yourself that you will change but not know how. it is okay to not want to change at all. it is okay to be confused. take a deep breath, delete this list, and walk away.