******* sober is
not for casual affairs.
It is for lovers.

When ******* sober
there is no hiding the truth.
I haven't *** yet.

When ******* drunk, one
can disguise real emotions-
Blame the alcohol.

I'm not liking this-
connecting with someone else.
We are not in love.

******* sober is
for someone stronger than me.
Let me remain drunk.

I am a shadow;
Cast only in the presence
Of your mar'ked dark.

Defriend me if I
say something offensive, and
refuse to retract.

If the only thing
that matters is my body-
grant this courtesy.

Defriend me if we
see each other only for ***.
I don't have the time.

Consider these thoughts,
Not just a number or name,
I'm worth more than this.

You really aren't here,
it's probably all a hoax
we're drifting away.

I look at the page of my book, but I can’t focus.
My vision blurs.

The room is spinning.
Dizziness overtakes me; I feel nauseous.

There’s a ringing in my ears, in my head.
Your words play on repeat.

I must be coming down with something.
Hand to forehead- just to check.

These are my syndromes- this illness,
What is my diagnosis?

Maybe if I just focus on the words,
Not the meaning.

Just tell me once again,
I promise I can take it.

I’ll always remember:

*I can’t,
I’m done.

Nights become dawns and I'm still here,
Waiting for my thoughts to clear.

I'm wide awake, and I keep tossing these ideas around.

Basic. Negative connotations. Words.
I keep hearing and seeing everything you've ever said.
What is true and what is false?
Your words keep echoing in my head.

I'm insignificant, just a brief moment.
You only want a life of enjoyment.

Desires run rampant at night, if only they could be bound.

What if things were different, what if it changed?
Circumstance. Choice. Opportunity.
Given the facts I'd be a fool to respond,
I strive and contend for you, fruitlessly.

The night wastes me, the day is no better or worse.
I seek comfort and solace in anything, even verse.

I think the worst nights
Are the ones when we
Cry ourselves to sleep.

I said this forty-
seven days ago. Now what
do I truly have?

I no longer think
of what you are doing,
or how you might be.

I suppose that now
I am once again free to
be with anyone.

Forty-Seven days
since I said never again;
It can’t be like this.

A lot can happen
between now and forever;
the days are fleeting.

Fleeting,
Like the days of our lives.
Like the hope in my heart.
Like my voice, hoarse- exhausted.

Let me keep running from my problems for they are mine to bear.
Nothing in life is free, including your aide
Stop insinuating that you actually care.

The space by my side is reserved for no one, a stranger.
Alone in a room full of people, do we all feel the same?
It’s easier to float and drift than brace against the current.

Like my life.
Like all of the good intentions.
Like the day that we met.
Fleeting.
Ephémère.

I will not become
the person who hurt me in
the past- a Monster.