If I only had this moment
To tell you how I feel
If I were to die this morning
The thought is so surreal
That every second I spend with you
Is like a timeless heaven
And every day I'm more inlove with you
And everyday is our wedding.
Things I've said before
You've heard a thousand times
But things ill say again
If your face still starts to shine
But if this moment were my last
My words to you would be
It was never hard to love you
It came as natural instinct
And from the moment I met you
You climbed under my skin
And I would have never left you
I would always let you in
I live to be your wife
And at my death I hope you know
I loved to be your life
And I loved letting our love grow
And sometimes I'm scared
That something may go wrong
And you will never understand
How much I loved you or how long
And you would never feel
The depth of my emotion
And you would never understand
That if I'm the earth you are the ocean

Your subtle expressiom calls me
Devoted disciple
Anything to heal you
I feel the change in your weather
Son gone astray
Mind gone loose
But there's still hope
As you're
Reacting to my every move
So I take charge
You could say I control you
Or do you control me?
I move in accordance to your shifts
I am aware of your expression
I find ways to change you from
Worse to better
With my own actions
All in love I say all in love.
Decisions made to better your day
Who am I to sway you
From your independence
But a lover full aware of your dependence.
We all need guidance
And you hold my lead on the other end of the field
But today your losing footing
And I'm carving stairs at your feet

So don't fear treading further up
This mountain we call life
I will always be one step ahead
I will always be in your bed.

Consider this,  
clamped down on your own
existence
stress and tension
trying to hold your self In place
Cause naturally genetically,
you fear change.
Change comes from movement
Change is pain
We latch to comfortability
Though repition is insane.
We become ever restless because
We don't want to stay the same
See we seek our indulgences
And then we can't refrain
From a down ward spiral
You can't stay the same
Either way change will always happen
And there will always be pain.
So be seeking your indulgence
By seeking your escape
Your just trailing the fool
The change will still make.

Sail the ocean
Or drown in the tide

On top of the water
Or on the worser side

Cry baby bruises your skins all gone blue.
I tried to unfold it to see what had happened to you.
What had happened to me?
Where was life going.
Unusual thoughts
More impulses growing.
And suffocation that I never even noticed.
But when I finally breathed
I saw some unfurling lotus.
And it occurred to me
I had been putting off breathing
Putting off living
And so my body was aging.
How could I have known
Had I not just noticed
And how can one alone
Ever Come to a conclusio .
Where's the adversary in heading towards death
And why am I so easily forgetting
To take my own breath.

I'm feeling confused,
Not knowing if denial is the right word for liver failure.
You always were so sick
It's like it never occurred to me you could die.
And I'm still laughing and sarcastically acting
Like this is what Ive waited for.
I've been telling people you were dead for 3 years
Because my relationship with my mother
Was to hard to think about.
It was easier for me to pretend you were dead.
But now I find myself edging tears neurotically repeating my chosen mantra for the week

She won't die, she couldn't die... right?

I don't know how many times I've thought that confronting the harsh truth of the life you chose to live.
You've always been so sick
So sick and mean.
And Ive waded through every last memory I had of you
Every day since you let me know
How many days has it been
4.
And none of them gave me the closure I was hoping for.
I found myself insecure and unassured of your love all over again
I found myself feeling rejected by your personality.
I found myself still so desperate for the relationship we could have had.
Had you controlled your anger
Controlled your resentments
Controlled your drugs habits
Your out rageously childish rebellion
But instead I see you as some one who was always mean to me .
Who I just so happen to be madly inlove with and all I wanted to dO was mean something to you
I wanted you to like me
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to just make you happy
So you could love me but it didn't happen.
And you've destroyed your body by 43.
Your livers failing now
Because you didn't get your hep c treated
And I know I shouldn't want to save you it would be a waste, make myself weak so you can abuse another part of me all over again
But I wonder what the chances of us being a match is
And I wonder if being your daughter would make the lupus less of an issue in transplant, and i wonder if maybe you would finally understand the type of loyalty and love I've had for you

Why don't you just cough on me
Enough of this down your sleeve
You breath on me
Your exhale is sweet
We share spit and we share drinks
But
There you are coughing down your sleeve
I know youre scared
Is just Human instinct
But I'm not scared of your disease
I know your failings I know your needs
I know your sickness
I watch it bring you to your knees
I'm just not so weak
My immunity is high
And if you cough On me I swear I won't die.