Fallen from the sky
with feathers of an angel
and fire of the gods
I wasn't turned away from you.
Though the stories and lore
Warned against those come from heaven
I knew jesus was the same
Cast from above
Light bringer
To the deprived.

Revelation I encountered
Thought producing thought.  
And you in my mind.

Terrible thing to not care
Whether he be devil or angel
God or not
His light burned so bright
I knew in my heart
this is who I follow.

See my heart beats blue
A lasting shade of indigo
After all the poison it's consumed
It still beats,  if a little slow.  

And im not so shaking
I'm not so weak
Not so terrified
Not so weak

Not scared of life
Or what it seeks.  

Just understanding
When it speaks.

There's a masochistic twist
In an atom
At the core

Oh so willing of pain
If only pleasure grows a little more.

God knew that he would die.

Measure the fall
And study the happening.
God fell first in lust to love
And we his mutants of selfish desire.

Winter has been aching .
For the lives it's been taking.
All in reactionary course
Reverberating universal remorse.
Echos in the ice cannon  Of the wrongs we commit
Crying to the winter for a one time requit.
But all in reactionary course
Humbling us with tradition of remorse.

Down to the bone
I'm sure your skeleton will look beautiful
when one day we die
and a thousand moments pass us by
for eternity.

It makes me sick to think of your flesh suffocating
your blood clotting in your body
But it will
and my heart will die along with you.

Despite my daily composure
those 18 years lingering between us,
You my senior
jesus christ its agonizing.

At just now 21
and you just now 40.
at five years deeply inlove.
at five years inseperable
ever single day
with the laughter we share
and the compliments passed back and forth
and the moment
oh this perfect moment
in which we float
no time
no age
just you and I
eye to eye
face to face
equals
and then my thoughts fade.
and I dont worry so much
I dont hurt
at the thought
of you dying
and then some one dies.
and im reminded.
That 18 years
you my senior
and the idea
drains me.

Your holiness reading scripts
yet I wonder what they meant
Some guru holding pose from 8 to 8.

But none of them are walking, like jesus said to do.
No none of them are living a life like mine.

And i wonder what more i could do
with my existence
than I have today .

I make a husband happy.
I baby sit a kid for cheap.
I paint pictures
I sow to reap.
What are we gaining,
from chastity and isolation

at night i center myself in introspection
hoping to do better the next day
to find deeper states of awareness
to bring this world something
it can consume..

But wondering,
we all have some purpose
some place
whats mine.
and whats theirs...
What are we doing

We're all taught that some day some where
things will be perfect.
as children we are told of santa clause
and as adults we are told of Heaven.
That if we can just make it through
our ****** existences
then maybe
if your good enough
maybe if your special
one day
You can have your happily ever after.

But I've found heaven
in shopping bags and books.


In running in to old friends in strange places

In making love in the yard at 4 a.m

I found heaven in life
and i think thats what people are missing.