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Hailey Ngo Jul 2015
He sits there waiting. Gnashing his teeth together and barely holding on. As he waits inside his locked room, he knows he's not really waiting. There is nothing waiting for him. Nothing going on in his world to wait for. His world is reduced to this locked room, with barred windows and a cup full of medicine every morning. They say it's supposed to calm him. Relax him. They say it with whites showing in their eyes. And with a heart beating twice as fast. They say it with one hand on their belt, which rests a taser.
He is reduced to a monster. Nothing more than a prisoner in his small, small world. No one knows he exists. No one knows how much he is rotting, slowly but surely. No one cares.
He has millions of emotions running a marathon across his brain. A bit of insanity mixed in with a lot of crazy and anger and hurt and frustration and wild. He has no one to love. He has no one who loves him. He is alone. And forced to fight his battles alone.
Whenever someone unlocks the door and hands him his meal, he always notices that they never make eye contact. They are forcing him to become something not human. With no love, no interaction, no help, no support, he is becoming a monster. A monster everyone is afraid of, a monster no one is willing to help.
He can't see the sunshine. He can't see the rolling hills or the green grass or the blue, blue sky or the puffy, swollen clouds. All he can see is his locked room and the white walls and the punctured ceiling. He can see his whole world in front of him and nothing more. He can't even see himself.
He lays there right on his bed. Wishing for anything. Love, a genuine smile, a conversation not dripped in fear, hope, a second chance, his dead family, something not within these walls of his world. Even death. He wishes for death. Because death is better than this. He would still be alone, but at least he won't be judged, won't be ignored, won't be feared, won't be restricted. He'll be free.
Hailey Ngo Jul 2015
I look around
and see nothing.
But I know they are there.
The people who see
without being seen.
The ghosts that lurk
in camera flashes
and in recording videos.

There is no privacy.
The cameras,
the phones,
the smirking faces,
the judging eyes,
the cruel Internet,
just wait and watch
until you stumble
until you fall
and then they pounce.
They attack
with their murderous words
and with their gossip
and leave you wondering
why everyone cares so much.
Hailey Ngo Jul 2015
They are in suits.
In ties.
In dresses.
In make-up.
In pearls.
In Rolex watches.

The people who think they're the best
and act like they're the best.
The people who live
so comfortably
that they forgot
what poor feels like
or even looks like.

They forgot what it's like
to feel humble,
kind,
giving.

They look at the poor
or the people on the streets
begging for just one more meal,
and they turn away,
with their billions of money
bulging out of their pockets.
They turn away
without any guilt
or remorse
or sympathy.
They turn away
and still manage
to think only about themselves.
They turn away
and act like the homeless people just blend into the street,
like the poor are invisible.

They live so rich
and feel so powerful
with their money,
with their businesses,
with their stocks in the market,
with their greed,
that they live like kings and queens.
While the rest of us are left
forced to scrape up what they left behind.
Hailey Ngo Jul 2015
People say
"I hate this outfit"
"I hate my life"
"I hate you"
But do they really know what it means
to hate?

Do they know
what hate really is?
It is a burning feeling,
the kind that leaves you with
imaginary blisters.
The kind with anger
and frustration
and bitterness
all rolled into one.

People say hate
is the opposite of love.
That is not true.
Both burn brightly with passion.
Both blind people
and change them
into something else.

Hate is the fiery desire to see something
disappear.
The kind when you'll do anything to make
that thing you hate
vanish without a trace.

Most people don't know what hate really is.
I do.
I felt it before.
I've hated a lot of things.
Even myself.

But I can say one thing now
from all the things I've learned.
Hate grips you
and never lets you go
until you do the one thing
that you regret the most in life.
Hailey Ngo Jul 2015
It's like
the people of the world
are strangers to each other.
Pass by and you'll find
no wave, no smile, no hello.

They've got their hands full.
With their phones and their antisocial,
with their earphones that clog their ears,
blocking them from the world.
Just the way they like it.
With their makeup,
covering everything about them.
Even their smile,
even their eyes that once connected,
even their face they no longer want seen.

They got no time for others.
They spend all their days with their robots.
They got no time for interaction,
unless it's the kind with the Internet.

It's like
every stranger in this world
forgot how to be social,
how to be friendly,
how to be kind,
how to be human.
Hailey Ngo Jul 2015
They are right there.
Close enough to touch.
But they are untouchable.

They are made of steel.
Their eyes a hard, hard metal.
Dull and rusty and impenetrable.
Their body made of scratched steel.
Rigid, unchanging, a statue.

I am made of glass.
My eyes made of water.
That leak out
every time I reach out
only to find
that they are statues
and not human,
not my parents
anymore.
My body made of shatter and of hurt.
Of confusion and of anger.
Of blood that runs
whenever I cut myself
on my broken glass.
I cannot heal myself.
I cannot glue back my broken glass.
I can only stand there,
and hope that the steel knife
does not break my glass heart
completely.
Hailey Ngo Jul 2015
He hears nothing.
Not anymore.
He feels nothing.
Not anymore.
He cares about nothing.
Not anymore.
He doesn't even care about himself.
As he sits there on the ledge.
He cries invisible tears.
Wet with grief and anger.
The anger he no longer feels.
The desperation he no longer clings to.
All he feels is empty.
Empty and alone.
He blames the world.
But most of all, he blames himself.
He blames himself for the puddle of invisible tears at his feet.
That aren't really invisible.
He calls out for anyone.
Anything.
He reaches out for a helping hand.
Only to find nothing there.
He shrinks back inside of himself.
A home he is all too familiar with.
He looks at the world once more.
And decides to leave it.
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