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 May 2016 Nicole
Sequestered
Once this breath,
Existence gasps to grasp;
When wrath is wrought with wreath,
And fate, life bequeaths
Unyielding hasp;
Upon all, death's arms shall clasp.

Beyond bounds…
Colours, creeds and cultures,
Death's assured end shouldn’t be forgotten;
All’s bestowed ‘same measure,
Once birth is begotten.
 May 2016 Nicole
Torin
Sorrow
 May 2016 Nicole
Torin
I had a sad creeping feeling in my soul
A sullen lingering in my bones
A sharp piercing pain
My sallow skin
A sorrow
And melocholy invades my being
Pervades my tainted blood
Even when I bleed
Its only tears
A sorrow

I bleed onto roses
I bleed into streams
I bleed with the clouds
I bleed in the rain

I had a longing eating away at my peace
A poison making me a home
A silent cancer spreading
My hateful disease
A sorrow
And darkness grows as my heart
My fingers only reaching
To sharpened razors
I hold on to bleed
A sorrow

I bleed setting suns
I bleed distant moons
I bleed becoming mountains
I bleed into oceans
 May 2016 Nicole
Torin
The universe inside a teardrop
An expanding sorrow full with the stories it contains
Cataclysms and black holes
Creation and Armageddon
Stars and moons
There is life, and light
Darkness and death
Hopes and dreams
Reality
Loss
Pain
Insanity

There is a universe inside a teardrop
And you are the great creator
 May 2016 Nicole
Torin
Black
 May 2016 Nicole
Torin
Its your name
And her favorite color
You only want to play guitar
She only wants to hear
I wonder where you are
She wonders where you are
Because you've never had a home
Without her

The time hurts
The day ones
The words say
Love
The end knows
The heart feels
The mind chose
Love

Its your night
And her hope for tomorrow
You only want to sing and dance
She longs to dance with you
I wonder how you've been
She wonders how you've been
Because you never seem to smile
Without her

The rain points
The tears pile
The mind screams
Love

But all your seeing now
When you look into the sky
You've never seen color
Without her
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star
In somebody
Else's sky
But why
Why
Why
Can't it be
Can't it be mine

-Pearl Jam
 May 2016 Nicole
Pablo Neruda
The memory of you emerges from the night around me.
The river mingles its stubborn lament with the sea.

Deserted like the dwarves at dawn.
It is the hour of departure, oh deserted one!

Cold flower heads are raining over my heart.
Oh pit of debris, fierce cave of the shipwrecked.

In you the wars and the flights accumulated.
From you the wings of the song birds rose.

You swallowed everything, like distance.
Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank!

It was the happy hour of assault and the kiss.
The hour of the spell that blazed like a lighthouse.

Pilot's dread, fury of blind driver,
turbulent drunkenness of love, in you everything sank!

In the childhood of mist my soul, winged and wounded.
Lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

You girdled sorrow, you clung to desire,
sadness stunned you, in you everything sank!

I made the wall of shadow draw back,
beyond desire and act, I walked on.

Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost,
I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you.

Like a jar you housed infinite tenderness.
and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar.

There was the black solitude of the islands,
and there, woman of love, your arms took me in.

There was thirst and hunger, and you were the fruit.
There were grief and ruins, and you were the miracle.

Ah woman, I do not know how you could contain me
in the earth of your soul, in the cross of your arms!

How terrible and brief my desire was to you!
How difficult and drunken, how tensed and avid.

Cemetery of kisses, there is still fire in your tombs,
still the fruited boughs burn, pecked at by birds.

Oh the bitten mouth, oh the kissed limbs,
oh the hungering teeth, oh the entwined bodies.

Oh the mad coupling of hope and force
in which we merged and despaired.

And the tenderness, light as water and as flour.
And the word scarcely begun on the lips.

This was my destiny and in it was my voyage of my longing,
and in it my longing fell, in you everything sank!

Oh pit of debris, everything fell into you,
what sorrow did you not express, in what sorrow are you not drowned!

From billow to billow you still called and sang.
Standing like a sailor in the prow of a vessel.

You still flowered in songs, you still brike the currents.
Oh pit of debris, open and bitter well.

Pale blind diver, luckless slinger,
lost discoverer, in you everything sank!

It is the hour of departure, the hard cold hour
which the night fastens to all the timetables.

The rustling belt of the sea girdles the shore.
Cold stars heave up, black birds migrate.

Deserted like the wharves at dawn.
Only tremulous shadow twists in my hands.

Oh farther than everything. Oh farther than everything.

It is the hour of departure. Oh abandoned one!
I am at my wit's end
I just want to shut down and hide from the entire world
I can't continue ******* people off
I can't keep talking about my problems
to sort out emotions as I feel them
I can't keep reaching out to people
who have their lives on track
It's not fair for me to cause stress for other people
I can't even describe how I feel anymore
It's more than depression
It's worse than anxiety
It's something unknown
It isolates me
It confuses the **** out of me
It causes me to feel out of my skin
to the point I want to rip myself apart
I don't want to discuss it
I don't want to see a doctor for it
I just want it to go away
The possibility of me being dead by thirty does not surprise me
I am starting to understand the peace those suicide "experts" talk about
The peace
when you make the choice to die
how all of your emotional turmoil just disappears
Maybe I am becoming suicidal again
I don't know
I am so through with thinking
I don't want to die
but I can't keep living a life full of dead ends
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: April. 17, 2016 Sunday 10:10 PM
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