Butter

Alone with strangers in a cold dark place.
No sense of emotion, not even a trace.
The doors remain shut and the light stays off.
Beneath my hard exterior I grumble and scoff.

Who needs the warmth that the sun provides.
I do just fine or so my mind decides.
Suddenly the doors open and a hand reaches out.
I feel oily fingers and I stifle a shout.

A feeling of vertigo washes over my tub.
I begin to fly like a cheerful cherub.
There's a wrenching feeling as my lid is removed.
I'm stabbed through the heart, my body is grooved.

The feeling of pain only lasts a short time.
Then a feeling overtakes me that is quite sublime.
I feel myself softening in the daytime heat.
For the first time ever my heart begins to beat

I'm alive I shout and my soul begins to love.
The emotions fit me perfectly just like a glove.
Is this what I've been missing my entire life?
Maybe I'll ask Mrs. Butterworth to be my wife.

With a start I begin to move towards the box.
If I had hands I would struggle and throw rocks.
No I wordlessly scream as I head into the light.
I can feel the cold air and my soul turns white.

Some time passes by and the hardening begins.
I really prefer to be alone here in the bin.
I'll stay here with the darkness as my friend.
Better than to fall in love and lose it all in the end.

Here’s a little bit of a warning
When I write it’s rarely boring
My words bite, darkness forming
Internal fight, thoughts pouring
Onto the page
I’m like a caged beast
To say the least
Filled with white hot rage.
I need a priest
To purge with holy water
All these urges to slaughter
Those who doubt but never bother
To wave or even say hello
When a bout of depression
Makes me relive my transgressions
It was a grave situation
So here’s my confession
I grabbed a bottle of pills
To cure all my ills
But I woke up, I wasn’t dead
Instead I served a 3 day tour
Thank God it was all blur
All I remember was the lime jello.

I’m past the point of no return
My stomach churns
The die has been cast
My heart hurts, in fact it burns
All the lies made in the dark
We made a pact that this would last
But those weren’t facts
I just lacked the self control
To sever what should have been a night of bliss
But your twisted kiss
And your devilish sarcasm
As I reveled in *******
My brain faltered
10 months later I was at the altar
Now I’m old and balder
With 4 nearly grown daughters
I was told to own my mistakes
When I was younger
Come hell or high water
A church bell rings as I rake this leaf strewn sod
I take a break to pray to God
And search for a ray of hope
Maybe a birch where I can tie my rope
And swing one last time and finally be free
No regrets, only relief
As the noose stifles my screams
There’s time for one last dream
Before darkness envelopes me

I’ve never been the best father
Too depressed to bother
Scarred by a selfish mother
Who ran away with her lover
I’ve repressed and smothered
Marred emotions under my vest
I’ve regressed
Heart beat has been altered
That ******* shrink doctor
Thinks it’s my brain and not my chest
Pushing pills I can’t digest
To a therapist I confessed
A quest to slit my wrists
My sheets a ****** mess
Blessed smile not distressed
Body turns an ashen color
For the best little daughters

Today
I was filled with dread
Depression made me wish I was dead
So I pulled the covers over my head
And went back to bed

A man stares unthinking beneath the golden leaves.
The first winds of autumn chill his restless soul. He slowly begins to unroll his sleeves.
As he gets ready to take his nightly stroll.

He hears the sun's nails screech against the darkening sky.
Leaving behind a beautiful yet ****** scene. Many times he's witnessed this ritualistic goodbye.
One of the few times he feels more man than machine.

As the inky night surrounds him he hears a familiar song.
Suddenly the sidewalk turns into a glittering trail.
His cells begin to vibrate although the scene is wrong.
The whole world feels translucent and hopelessly frail.

He eagerly begins his journey towards the land of the dead.
The angelic voices cajole and lead him by the hand.
He willing goes to where others fear to tread. He can't resist their heavenly command.

He slips through the veil that separates our worlds.
He quickly joins them in their circular dance.
He effortlessly moves and cries as he twirls.
His ears can now comprehend their unearthly chants.

We may be buried underneath the cold, dark soil.
But we'll never die because our souls are eternal. Someday you'll join us and cast away your shell. One day you'll see there's neither heaven or hell.

He can't fathom leaving this peaceful terrain. The veil starts to separate and he feels the biting night.
To leave now will certainly cause him to go insane.
But he still belongs to his body and the time isn't right.

He walks slowly home and tries to gather his wits.
The moment that he shared is already fading like a dream.
He already doubts that he rollicked with the spirits.
He has to stifle a maniacal scream.

Perpetual numbness surrounds me.
Voices echo off distant walls.
Undefined feelings circulate within.
I remain suspended above myself.  

What do I see?
A grim version of a child
Slogging through space and time.
While fields of flowers remain out of reach.

Twilight casts grey shadows around me.
Threatening clouds envelope the sky.
Cold drizzle can't penetrate me.
Lifeless soul escaped long ago.