I really can't keep doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Are just making me miss you
Mommy come back
Just fix my mood
You're the only thing I need
You always know what to do

I really can't keep doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Will remind me of you
Because if I can remember
Just one more thing
I know it'll be harder
For me to see
And there'll be less of a reason
For you to leave


I really can't keep doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Will disappoint you
I shouldn't self harm
Cause the thought of you
Looking at my scars
Of me thinking that I had nothing to lose
Nothing to live for
Living life with no muse

I really can't stop doing
The things that I do
The things that I know
Will relieve you
The things that I know
Will make you proud
Make you see the daughter
You missed being around

Just don't live your life
Full of regrets
Cause, Mommy, if you did that
Your life would be a mess
Believe me, I know
That's how I started too,
But, Mommy, trust me
I will always help you through

Teresa Swartzentruber, 34, ****

You know how bad this hurts me, Mom?
To know, you could be there?
But now that you have your drug of choice,
You could be anywhere.
I'll love you through anything, anyone, alright?
The only thing I hate you for
Is risking your precious life.

The thing about my bio mom
Is
Sometimes she tries
But
Sometimes she says things
That she knows will make me cry
I know she has a problem
But she has no right
She doesn't understand
She hasn't been in my life.

Then, there's this woman
I simply call her, "mom"
She's been with me since day one
Through everything I've done wrong
Helps me through my mistakes
Makes sure I know she's always there
She helped every day
To simply brush my hair

Sure, I want my bio mom,
But it's not worth the pain
I'll only put effort in that relationship
If she puts the drugs away

I will love my moms until the end of time,
But there's only one mom
That I am proud to call mine.

Most people have terrible ways
People in general have mind playing games
I love this boy
But he's far away
I never really know what to say
Love has a powerful way

In the moon and the sky
You take your life, so I risk mine
They're all so worried
They try to talk to me
I do not answer
But they can see
I'm in pain
Not sure exactly what I need
I hate myself they all hate me
After a while
I realize
They do care about me
It's okay to just grieve

They tell me not to worry
Then they go and **** me over
They tell me life is worth it
You sure don't make me feel like that
I try and try and try
But it's never good enough
That's why I'm here
and not with you
Because you can't guide me
Don't ever leave me
Just stay right here
I just don't trust you
I love you here

Please pray for my uncle, he is in the hospital OD'ed right now

Well, life *****
Lets start out with that
Everyone is so self centered in this small town
I hate my body
I hate my hair
I hate those people that pretend they care
Seems my writing is at its best when I'm mad
Which my happen more often, other times I am sad
I work so hard to be what they expect
It's never good enough
Like I'm a birth defect
I may love my life, but I don't love myself
I just want someone there
To nurse my mind back to health
I'm just realizing the truth
I just have to wait
Until I can be exactly like you...
Then no one can hate

Inside my brain,
I constantly try,
To fight flooding waters,
To make sure I don’t die,
But on the outside it all seems fine,
But truth is, I just want to cry
My life is sometimes bad,
But my heart and mind isn’t weak
I will try and try,
To be sure I don’t sink,
Because without my lungs,
How am I ‘sposed to sing?

Inside my brain,
I constantly try,
To fight flooding waters,
To make sure I don’t die,
But on the outside it all seems fine,
But truth is, I just want to cry
My life is sometimes bad,
But my heart and mind isn’t weak
I will try and try,
To be sure I don’t sink,
Because without my lungs,
How am I ‘sposed to sing?

I sat in my room
For hours and hours
Trying to tell them
They aren't in power
My life went to hell
My grandfather died
He was my rock
And I wasn't even nine
It was the last day of summer break
I sat up all night
Frighteningly awake
Their were voices
In my head
Telling me just to go to bed
So I did...
I dreamt that night
Of my grandfather
With glowing red eyes
Like a murderer
I knew it wasn't him
So I woke up in alarm
Who would've thought
I had scratches down my arm
I miss him still
But I can't stand to think about him
When I do...
I think of that dream

I'm just a lonely girl
Living a lonely life
Trying to find the ways
To make it all right!

ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY’RE THE ****
WELL, I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, HOPE YOU DON’T FORGET
I’M THE ONE PEOPLE WANNA BE WITH, THEY LOOK AT YOU, BUT YOU’RE THE OLD NEWS
I’M NOT CONCEDED, BUT I’M REAL
TO HANG OUT WITH ME, YOU GOTTA BE CHILL
I’M NOT SAYIN’ I’M BETTER THAN YOU, BUT YOU GOTTA LISTEN THIS IS THE TRUTH
YOU’RE NOT GONNA BE THE BEST IN ALL THAT YOU DO,
BUT DON’T LISTEN TO OTHERS, THEY JUST GONNA TRY TO HURT YOU
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO TRY
IN A HOMELESS SHELTER I AM, BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP, I STILL LOVE MY FAM.

I am tired,
But I can't sleep
My mind knows what to say,
But I can't speak
You know what to do,
But it won't show
Which makes me think
That you don't know
The truth lies on the tip of your tongue,
But you act as though
You're the only one
This affects me
More than it affects you
Maybe one day
You'll speak the truth
You never loved me,
I just accented you.

You think you know me
But you don't
You want to hold me
Is that a joke?
My life is bad
Do you really think?
Id stoop so low
To even think
You're the only one for me
Not even after a couple drinks
You may think you're all that
But really you're not
You may think your life is a drag
But step in my shoes
And my life isn't as bad
As some other youth's
So be grateful
For what you have
For one day it may be gone
And you'll lose everything you loved the most
Trust me, I know a lot about that one

So there's this stupid *** kid
Who treats me like ****
He tells me I'm ******* lazy
But **** look at him!
My anger is uncontrollable
He's lucky he's younger than me
Or else he would be crying and
Yelling STOP at me!

I may eat meat
But I can't help but think
Why would we do this
What if they turn on me?
We don't eat dogs
We don't eat cats
What's the difference between that
And a rat?
Someone please explain it to me
Why we eat animals
Just 'cause they're meat

All we hear is tweet tweet tweet
Every morning it's "sweet oh sweet"
But now we have this thing online
People treat keyboards not very kind
They tweet EVERYTHING that comes to mind
Sometimes I wish they would give it a break
But what'dya know it's a national site
So people will tweet all through our night
And we will tweet through theirs for a change
I love the internet, but sometimes it's strange

He thought he knew me
I think he still does
He tries to call me
To "confess his love"
But all he needs
Is the "hugs"
All he wants
Is the drugs
He wants the girl
Twelve years of age
Stole her innocence
Because she says
"I want you
My life will be
The one you have
As long as
You want me"
But I was high
And you did that to me
I woke up next to you
Twelve years old
And you, seventeen
Next few weeks and
I'm pregnant
A few more
And I lose it
And with that I lose all my dreams

I can't think straight
My life is a mess
My mother's full of hate
It gives me much stress
My momma's in treatment
I'm in foster care
My daddy lives near me
But he's never there
What do I do?
In this small world
I just have to tough it through
It would help if I had you..

Words are flowing through my mind
Thinkin 'bout him all the time
Maybe i'll have time to rhyme
Doubt it
But thats alright:
He leaves me here to fend for myself
Don't worry bout me I'll find someone else
People will say "Is there really a guy?
I'll say yeah, y'know why?
*Because I'm sweet
I'm honest
I'm pretty, maybe not
I love for who they are
I'm there when life gets hard
I care when nobody is there
I feel what you feel
And every feeling is real
I feel love when their near
Even if its not clear
I feel strong emotions
I see through their eyes
I know he's more than what you see
I see through the scars
I know he loves them including me
For just who they are

I can't think straight
My life is a mess
My mother's full of hate
It gives me much stress
My momma's in treatment
I'm in foster care
My daddy lives near me
But he's never there
What do I do?
In this small world
I just have to tough it through
It would help if I had you..

People are just so rude nowadays
No respect
I'll show them their way
**** my life
They hate me, great
Just because I was the one to stand up and say
What they did wrong
What they're trying to hide
What they're trying to prove
By telling me to go die
People can hate on me
Hate on my friends, guess what, You're dead meat

My heart is fragile,
My mind is weak,
Sometimes I don't have the energy to speak,
My life seems like a vivid dream
And sometimes I can actually believe
That my limits have finally reached their peak

Sometimes I wonder if I am dead
And all my memories are made up inside my head
Like my heart already ceased to beat
But my mind is still forcing me to think,

Sometimes my heart is so sore
That I don't know if I can handle much more
But I have to for there are these things
That play through my mind
And keep my heartbeat in sync
With the thoughts that play
Throughout my head
As I lay inside my nice warm bed
And although nightmares are my only type of dream,
My siblings make me able to breathe

I feel so different
I just can't sleep
I feel so different
Because he's not with me
I made a mistake
My heart is dead
I just lay here
Alone
In my own bed
Hoping to die
Sad and alone
No reason to cry
Because nobody will know

People just don't realize
Adults do sometimes lie
She's making a point to ruin my life
So might as well go and die
My daddy's with her
She manipulates my friends
Oh **** I hate this
It's all happening again
More treatment
No dad
More yelling
From mom
More "why?"s to answer
But they always say I'm wrong.
I'm a bad person
That's why
Everyone I love leaves
Whatever
You can try
But I'm trying to succeed
I'm sick of this ****
Bout to give up
But wait a minute
I'll show them
I'll have a better life than them in the end

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy
Why, Why, Why?
Why did you decide
To go Bye-Bye?
You said you'd never leave
But you went away
Now I look for you
Every day
Daddy says that we will be okay
But I miss you Mommy
Comeback someday
Hopefully soon
Just wanted you to know
*I LOVE YOU

Why can't I do anything right?
Why can't I keep my daddy in my life?
Why does he hate me?
Is it because of her?
Is it because of my step mother?
No no no
It's all my fault
If I hadn't gone to treatment or ran away
I would be there with them
Every day
But now my daddy hates me
My brother and sister barely know me
And everybody is afraid of me...
Why can't I be a normal teenager?
Without major depression, psychosis, or being bipolar?
I hate myself
**NOBODY HAS EVER LOVED ME