I'm currenty somewhere between
Emotionally void
And too emotional.
It's not just OCD, or depression, or anxiety.
Or what everyone else thinks I have.
Just, you know,
ASPD.
Ha.
It makes me laugh.
**** yourself.
I need therapy again,
And I'm so jealous of those who can afford it.
I need meds,
And I'm so angry at those who can get it.
I know I need help.
But when you act out or ask for help
And all you get is silenced
Because it means your parenting is week
Because you care how it affects someone else instead
Because it is too much for you too handle
Because you'd rather I fix you,
Then I'm not going to get better.
Do you know how I solve it alone?
Razors and safety pins to make it dull,
Nyquil and Tylenol PM to get some rest.
***** and **** to medicate the main problems,
And binging and vomitting to get the physique back.
Maybe I don't need help.
This seems to be working pretty.
Well, only if pretty well means not at all.

true,
   this one just requires
an overdose
of whatever pills

I was born like this

Drown me in the intensity of your gaze
And my lungs fill with lust
As I sink into your warm embrace

You've become part of me; the better part
The blood in my veins
The air I breathe
A necessity

When you're not here, the weeks drag on like years
And the days I spend with you are over almost as quickly as they start
But they're still some of the best times I've had
You've won me over in no time at all

The tragic story of a life not yet lived
I lie unburied
My bones shake like leafs in an autumn wind
Tears fall from my darkened eyes
Like solid pieces of silence
The hands you once held are now tied like knots
This is ugly,
Like the future.
We are constructed of light,
Like humiliation.

Damaging choices
Circumstances of lust
You loved me under false pretences
This futile chasing of beauty mistaken for meaning
Gone forever with the summer breeze
These illusions,
The touching of your skin, it doesn't mean a thing
But it will always be the mind turning things around
To create empty beauty to love, to fill the void of ennui
But it shatters under scrutiny when we try to get closer,
Try to breathe it in to reality
It dissipates
It disappears
Each time
So stay under the dome of imagination
Never try to merge it with reality
Love is a game
You can't always win.