The past refuses to rest
In its shallow grave
As the memories return
A cascade of thoughts and emotions
Pouring into me as I contemplate
The feel of your hand in mine
As the city streets passed us by
Walking to nowhere
So happy, to be walking
to Nowhere

Your scent lingers just beneath my skin
Traces inhaled with every breath
Rose perfume with every yawn
Peanut butter kisses with every sip
Those green eyes so piercing stared
Into my soul, so fragile in love
The feel of your hair on my arm
Curled up in bed, with a book
Leaves me dreaming
Wondering
If you were the one

A chic little lady
Dressed in grey, with your head held high
For you, every boy in the room would die
What a dazzling sight you are, in the spotlight

But the darkness of night takes over the light
You are left at home
Alone again
Tonight...

The walls were blue or
Maybe, grey and
Your eyes were brown
Your hair, the same
The music so soft
An echo in my mind
The hours drifted slowly
The worst passage of time

My voice, once sure
Now hesitant and shy
My heart, once pure
Now broken and dying
In the moonlight through the window
You looked at me like a ghost
As you told me, so cruelly
I was not the man you loved the most

I have
Many sides of myself
                   Of my soul
Facets of my mind
Not visible
But they’ll never see
It was necessary to hide
   A weakness
The longing
     For perfection
   For love
     For acceptance
The insecure child
Whose eyes are haunted
Overshadowed eternally
By her twin
Whose confidence borders arrogance
Laughs and struts
             And smiles
The cousin
Whose tear streaked face
Becomes cold
Like her heart
And anger boils
     Watching
         And waiting
  For the friend
Whose pen flows with thoughts
Better left unsaid
Whose intensity
      Frowned upon
   Mocked
Binds her pieces together
The many sides of herself
                         Of her soul
   Facets of her mind
Not visible
Because they’ll never see
  The puzzle
That keeps her alive
   But kills
Who I Am

I used to be a rhyming poet
I never seemed to like the ones
That carried on without a beat
That felt as steady as the runs

I used to be a constant eater
Never fussy with my food
Come rain or shine or thunderous bursts
I'd eat regardless of my mood

I used to also be in love
She used to tell me so was she
We used to walk from here to there
I used to feel like I was free

But now i'm changing
I don't need a beat
No rhymes
No constant thinking how it will end
Sometimes its better pledging forward

Like pledging through a filled up fridge
Looking
Refusing
Whatever I can eat I won't
Because I don't fancy eating today

And Love
Well, that's simple
I lost her through my own doing
Left here to walk alone
But now
By the image of my past
I'm trapped

This is my idea of freedom:
That in this moment, I am me
I can just be

By a field, surrounded by trees
With the golden beams of sunlight shining through
Each leaf, a different shade of green
Dancing gleefully to the beat of the wind

By the pavement where weeds and wildflowers grow
Creeping through the concrete, dressing the ground
With a million speckles of yellow and white
In their simple grace and little heights

By the feathery cat tails and clovers
Listening to the gentle breeze, the crunch of leaves
With the cool scent of the air and warmth of the sun
A moment of impact, like the sound of a gun

That in this moment I recognise
With absolute clarity I realise
That in this moment, I am me
I can just be

Loving you is like an ice,
It's cold,hard,
and limpid.
I can see the real you,
But soon it melts.

Loving you is like a flower,
It blooms when it's autumn,
Sunlight penetrates the petals,
But soon it wilts.

Loving you is like a tissue,
it erases the tears,
brings the laughter,
But soon it torn,
drowned by the burden of love.

Loving you is like a book,
Those beautiful verses
are you.
But soon it ends with
a full stop.

Loving you is like a music,
rhythm rhymes.
the only thing I want to hear,
But soon the rhymes scatter.

The only thing I know
about loving you is,
Your smile is dangerous,
that I was stupid to fall
into them.


a.b