I was 15,
And you were 16.
And we met through a computer screen.
And we instantly connected.
And we talked non-stop.
And we became best friends.
And we shared our deepest secrets with one another,
not caring that we were two complete strangers.
That never really mattered.
We were just troubled kids,
longing for someone to talk to.
Someone who felt the things we did.
Someone who wouldn't judge us.
Someone who might possibly understand.
We found that in each other.
You were my solace.
And I loved you.

I told you about how my family was no longer a family.
And you told me about how you didn't know if you could handle much more.
And I was worried.
And you occasionally disappeared for days on end.
And I became frantic.
And you would tell me you were in the hospital.
Those ****** pills again.
And I begged you to stop,
To try and get better.
Because you were my solace.
And I loved you.

I was 16,
and you were 17.
And you had a girlfriend.
And she didnt like me.
Or maybe she just didnt like what we had.
So she made you choose.
And it broke my heart to see you choose her.
Because you were my solace.
And I loved you.

Six months later.
Six devastatingly long months later.
I heard from you again.
And I didn't know how to feel.
So I cried.
Tears of anger, sadness, regret.
But mostly joy.
Because you were back.
You were finally back.
And you were my solace.
And I loved you.

I was 17,
And you were 18.
And we met face to face.
After two long years, it finally happened.
And it was the best night of my life.
And I was so sad to see you leave.
But you had to return to your broken home.
And things got worse for you.
And old habits picked back up.
And your depression consumed you.
And it ate me alive to see you that way.
Because you were my solace.
And I loved you.

I am 18,
And you should be 19.
But you never got to see that day.
Because old habits die hard.
And you finally succeeded.
And my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest.
But the rest of my body is numb.
And my mind is darker than ever.
Because now I have no one to share my secrets with.
No one to listen.
Because you are gone.
And you were my solace.
And I love you.


*~kns

I put makeup on
to hide the tears

I lugh just to
chase away the sadness

I sing songs in my head
just to keep from thinking

But I don't think that's enough
anymore to keep away
the impending breakdown
I'm destined to have.

All I want to do is scream
until my throat is raw

Then scream some more
until I lose my voice.

Then still try
to scream

But I don't think that's enough
anymore to keep away
the impending breakdown
I'm destined to have.

Beautiful girl
what have they done
turning the butterfly back into the caterpillar
Beautiful child
what are they doing
calling names,playing foul games

when will it stop
the hatred they sport
the rhythm of lies
they can not support

don't let them do it darling
don't budge an inch
for if they catch you breaking
receive yes of what they want

beautiful girl what have they done
beautiful child i thought you would hold up
i did not believe
they could
they would break you

beautiful girl don't you
wake from that floor!
cause' where you are now
their names will not hurt anymore

beautiful child
did no one tell you
you were, you are beautiful