My father once told me to always except the best and worst possible outcome.
And for the longest time i was completely baffled.
"How could I be okay with the worst possible outcome?"
"It's impossible to be okay with the worst possible outcome."
But what I think I was really trying to say was," It's impossible to be okay."
And I remeber the day loud and clear.
I was shaking and in utter destraught.
I wanted it all to end, and I too thought it was the end.
But despite the chaos
for a slim slip of a second, I was okay.
Not only with the "Worst possible outcome."
But I was genuinely okay.
Because that was the day I realized, that no matter what,
through the worst and best "possible outcomes"
I had Grace.
I had me.

Because people change
and times do too
though it may be hard for you to understand
I'm ending the era of you

there was a time when we were in love.
there were weeks when you and i would talk until dawn would break from the mountains.
when i would fall asleep knowing i was loved, and would wake up happy and ready to be loved again.
there were days that i would count down until the day i could see you again, those days were the worst.
but the best days were the ones when i could see that face of yours. the face i loved more than you could ever know.
there were hours spent laughing our ***** off under a clear sky and a city of stars.
those hours felt like lifetimes, until they left like seconds.
because soon it curdled;
weeks were spents worrying, days were spent crying, and hours were spent looking at an empty inbox.
but i do promise you there was a time when i loved you. and even if it was only for a split second, a time when you loved me too.
because somewhere, there was love intertwined in the knot of “us.”
it ended and i’m okay, because it was for the best. but i someday, somewhere, in some lifetime, our “us” lasted until the end of time.
and there’s a part of me that wishes more than anything, that that lifetime was this one.

rattle my bones like a xylophone  
pluck on my heart strings like a lyre
play your favorite tunes
until you set my soul on fire
play the digits on my spine like a grand piano
hold me warm and tight
place your lips on mine as if they were a trumpet
play my music all throughout the night
i’ll let you do as you please
but please don’t pluck too hard or too soon
because a broken heart makes broken music
and no one will love a heart thats out of tune

it ended
it’s over now
but what surprised me most of all is that i’m not even sad.
i’m happy it happened and i don’t regret a second of it.
i’ll miss what could’ve been, but i won’t miss what was.
it ended
but it’s only just begun.

there’s a place out there that’s mine. a little cabin in Highlands, North Carolina that is sitting on a street corner. roses waiting to greet me by the front door, and maple trees standing with open arms.
there’s a love that’s looking for me. counting the same stars and wishing on the same sunsets. praying the same prayers and crying the same tears. I know you’re out there, and I dream of the day that i’ll find you.
there’s a life that i’m destined to live. and it’s filled with peppermint hot cocoa, rainy sundays spent reading by the fireplace, children running down the stairs for their favorite lunch- pb&j, morning bike rides to the art museum, and days filled with enough spontaneity to last a lifetime.
i don’t know how or when, but i know that sometime, somehow, someday happiness will find me, the sun will peak through again, and i will be where i’m meant to be.

when i showed you my hands and all they could create
you treated them like magic.
you held on to them and swore to never let go.
and as honest as you are, you kept your promise and never let them go.
you took them with you.