I'm so scared
Sitting here with my cold heart bare
I'm tangled and broken
And there are so many thoughts I've left unspoken

At this crossroad I'm not sure where to turn
There are two paths for which I yearn
The Light
Choosing this path would be bright
The dark
This path, lately, has my interests sparked

I'm terrified
Because, for once, I feel dark inside
I want just to run away from it all
I want to hide in God's arms and not fall
When did the world become my desire?
How long has it been since my heart was on fire?

Inside, I'm crying
Everything hurts and I feel like I'm dying
To give up or keep going?
This is the question inside that keeps growing

I don't like who I am today
I'm not even sure how things got this way
Confused
And Bruised
I've forgotten His grace
And somehow forgotten how to win this race

When I look in the mirror
I shudder
Who's reflection is that staring back at me?
Because I know that this can't be Erin I see
How can God still call me His?
How can He love me through all of this?

I'm sorry, I am
Please cleanse me in Your blood, my Lamb
Sacrifice was made for my life
So how can I turn my back on Christ?

Help me, pick me up
Give me the strength not to give up
I feel like a chicken with its head cut off
Running to everything but the cross
Remind me again of Your unending love
Tell me again because I don't feel loved

Broken I am, and broken I've been
Please Jesus kneel down and heal me again

This storm could destroy me
But to You it's a breeze
Sing over me Your beautiful song
Bring me back, Lord, to where I belong

As I rest my head tonight
All I can do is hand You this fight
And because of You, l'll sleep in peace
And tomorrow wake to new mercies

The world will not stop
spinning for me,
not ever.
The birds will not be
mute for me,
not a chance.

The only thing that will
stop for me
is a heartbeat--
for I am too
small of an amazement
for the traffic,
the rain.

Though, I do not
expect the world to
cease in the moment of
my passing,
my mysterious disappearance.
(an empty body,
an empty shell).

Being a part of this
world means being
disposable.

Knowing you means that
I wish I could love you more,
perhaps differently.

Knowing you means that
I will finally know loss.

I will not cease to pause for you.

i did one thing in front of a large group of people and now i'm somehow worthy

worthy of going to leadership retreats
and christening babies
all because i managed to crack open the wealth inside four other kids.

it wasn't me.
i didn't do it.
i just helped.
i don't want the credit.