it's easier to trip,
than it is to
catch yourself

just like it's
easier to fall
in love, than
fall out of it

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

Kiss them once & never let your lips touch theirs
Tell them all these sweet & lovely things, & act like everything you told them was just a lie
Make eye contact with them, but look through their eyes full of regret
See them everyday, pretend they never existed & look right through their souls
Embrace them & then never touch their skin again
Hold their hand & make sure to leave them wanting more
Make all these good memories with them & leave them hanging like the past few months meant nothing to you
Talk to them every day & let them be part of your daily routine, then one day just completely ignore them & never talk to them ever again

And i could pick every petal off every flower in every country, and still would you love me not.

You said: someday when I have you
I'm still waiting for "when"
I've been missing your name
I've been needing a friend

We pushed aside our plates
both left wanting more
I've put on my hat but
I can't find the door.

March 27, 2013, 11:54 PM
-My jaw is aching from clenching my teeth
April 20, 2013, 1:03 AM
-He is perfect and i am drunk and he is perfect
June 11, 2013, 3:20 PM
-They tuck me in when I'm too ****** to feel the cold on my skin
July 8, 2013, 7:08 AM
-Don't forget he said "I wake up and I'm aching"
August 13, 2013, 1:07 AM
-**** I swore I'd never feel like this again. I swore I'd **** the butterflies before they landed.
September 16, 2013, 1:34 AM
-I miss home so much. I can't do it
October 18, 2013, 8:32 AM
-It doesn't scare me that I've forgotten how your voice sounds. It scares me that I don't care.
October 30, 2013, 3:32 AM
-What do you do when you're homesick but the home you crave so deeply doesn't exist anymore...?
January 25, 2014, 8:17 AM
-Five years is a long time. I miss you Kristyn.
February 17, 2014, 11:57 PM
-What if I could go back and save them
March 4, 2014, 9:49 PM
-Here you are inside my head again
March 9, 2014, 3:21 AM
-I hope I never forget the way biting my lip and swallowing a growing laughter made my chest ache, kind of like holding back tears
March 16, 2014, 12:50 AM
-I know Erick and I were drunk last night but I remember him saying, "wherever you end up is where you need to be" and I remember thinking that I'd do anything to believe him.
August 5, 2014, 4:04 PM
-I was standing on the ledge this whole time and I didn't even know it.

someday the rumors will be true,
and you'll be in love,
but it won't be with me.