I don't know what I expected
when we started hanging out again.
I don't want to be your **** buddy
or cuddle buddy.
I want you to want me
when I'm not naked.
You keep telling me what a mess you were
when you thought that I no longer loved you.
After six months of self destruction,
I thought maybe you'd love me again too.

i sometimes think that my bones might break trying to support you
trying to hold on to something that you and I both know will never work
trying to convince you to not do the things I do
trying to dig my way through the abyss of neglect and unrecognized feelings
i often wish my hands were tied to balloons so they would be too far away to touch you
but that still wouldn't stop me
somehow your sharp words would send me back to you
nothing in this world has made me feel this way
i want to know what you mean when you tell me you love me
and why you want me to say it back
you stop yourself from feeling
so you tell me we're just friends
but
FRIENDS DON'T TOUCH EACH OTHER THE WAY WE DO.
I NEVER KNOW WHAT THE **** WE ARE BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY, WE COME BACK TO EACH OTHER.
my hands are shaking and I can't breathe
everyday I feel less like a buddy and more like a ****