looking across
the cold rush of water,
I toss my shoes.
they land, one scattering from the other
on the opposite side of the river.
the cold stones are distantly spaced
and slick from algae,
and god-knows-what green stuff.
my heart skitters past my lungs,
hiding like the little girl she is-
tucked away, afraid.
what if I fall in?
what if I slip?
i could just stay here,
on this end.

I think you're beautiful
In a way I've never experienced beauty before

Sometimes,, late late at night
I wonder, to myself
If *** could ever be an act of love
If anyone could ever look at my body
Hold it, and want more than physical pleasure
If they could ever look into my eyes
With passion and warmth
I wonder if I'll ever be loved deeply
For more than what's on the surface
If it could be meaningful and poetic again
I wonder if the word love
Will ever regain it's importance in my vocabulary
If it will ever again be something to earn
And not desperately given
Please, accept my heart
Take it and do not throw it away
Will my heart ever be something
Worth keeping, again?

I know you love someone else now
and I hope she makes you happy
Gives you all the things I never could
And I know you're never coming back
But I still miss you
Every day
Every sleepless night is full of thoughts
About how I could have been better
Should have been better
Every little thing I did wrong
Every little regret
My head is haunted by your love
By the things I've lost
By the ghost of your arms around me
The smell of your hair
I hate myself
For everything.

She is my moon and sun
She pulls my tides
And brings heat to my skin
She fills my darkness
And brightens my skies
And even when there are clouds
I know she is there
Waiting for the storm to fade
For the earth to turn
So I can see
Yet another side of her

Here I come
Crawling back
To the ***** pit
Where I leave it all
The place I go to
To empty out
To feel nothing
For a while
The place I use
Like a ***** rag
To wipe up my mess
And keep it all together

Tonight I walked around the house
The one that used to be ours
I looked around for things that are missing
Things you thought were important enough to take
You took your toothbrush
But left your house key
You took your laundry
But not your ring
You took my pride
But you didn't take me