i just want someone to talk to
someone to hear more than my words
someone who knows how to listen to my soul
my whole life i've been alone
and it's ******* exhausting
having no hand to hold
no shoulder to cry on
no comfort or peace
my whole life is a fight
one battle after another
im so tired
please, just let me go

the days blur past
i talk to people
i go to work
i function
all the while feeling nothing
retaining nothing
i've learned that i cant die
for some reason or another
this world will not allow
my departure

it is cruel
to be forced to remain in a world
where there is no place for you

some days i am real
a living breathing person
i speak and laugh and smile
but not today
today i am made of air
as tangible as love
but containing none of it

I let him hold my shaking hands
And kiss my busted lips
I let him touch my insecurities
And see my healing scars
I gave him access to my everything
And I thought he did the same
I saw lust and interpreted it as love
What a fool I am

Please don't remember me
Continue your lives
Be happy
I want you to know
It was never your fault
It was nobody's fault
But mine
And who was I kidding, really?
With my little facade of okayness
Like all things, my life
was temporary

I can't
I ******* can't
I can't care anymore
It ***** with my head

But the problem is
I can't stop
If this is what living is
I wish I was ******* dead

long walks under the sun, my cheeks bright pink from the heat, coffee shops and brunch dates, picnics and tall trees, hotel rooms and hot tubs, old books and a new library card, listening and learning and loving more than i have in years, becoming and blooming brighter than before