nevaeh

nevaeh Apr 2022

Idolatry

it was never love
it was a little kid
obsessed with the image
of sunshine and ivy vines
of summer nights and hugs so tight
that he'd lose his breath forever
and become a god himself
it was the dream
of an abused child
a dream of a love that was endless
and unerring and true

it took 2 years of therapy to realize i never loved you

nevaeh Apr 2022

713

i am
not real
im the icky feelings
that float in your brain
im a stuffed person, a memory of pain
black and green
dirt and bugs, everything unclean
a stone in the grass
a bone by the tracks
made from sky and trees
the kind of love that weakens knees
im everything there is to see
everything and everyone
except me

nevaeh Apr 2022

hospital walls

white and cold
like memories old

nevaeh Feb 2022

l-o-v-e

i used to think i was worthless without you
and sometimes it still feels that way
but ive learned to have love for myself
and it gets easier every day

nevaeh Feb 2022

my garden

i plant
rose and sage
lavender and mint
poison ivy and nettle
i love my plants
but there are pests
in every garden

you just have to know how to get rid of them

nevaeh Feb 2022

it wont last

i keep telling myself that
like a mantra
it'll pass
it wont last
they'll move on
everything will be okay

but what if its not
what if it doesnt
what if it just keeps going and going
forever until we die
and if it does
do i even want to be alive?

nevaeh Feb 2022

my friends

to all of my best pals
the ones who made life bearable
those who were there for me at my worst
and loved me immeasurably at my best
to the ones i've lost
and the ones i'll make along the way
to all of the best friends
because you guys truly are the best
i love you all

to atlas. ollie, ari, max, kaliyah, all of you ive lost, and lastly, those of you who support me here. love you guys