I feel like lately,
maybe when you say my name,
it doesn't melt in your mouth like honey,
but maybe engulfs your taste buds like bland oatmeal.

When you think of my warmth and love,
that maybe you misplaced the thought of me with another.

Are you still crazy about me?

When I think of you,
its like a warm summer day,
it takes over my skin, warms my cheeks.
makes me smile at the sky and laugh for no reason but being happy.

When I say your name my mouth quivers,
and my chest just wants to explode with confetti,
like you are something to celebrate everyday.
You are the essence of my happiness

But when you talk to me I feel like I am the thorn in the lion's paw,
that I am no longer a luxury but a chore.

You told me that no one wants to be glued to their phone,
that its no fun to be on your phone on your birthday.

What can I do?
You live so far and the only connection I have is this satellite between phones.
I love you so much and I just wanted to do what I can to share that day with you.

If I could get on the plane right now and be with you I'd be there in a heartbeat,
no questions, I'd drop everything but I feel that for you that's not the case.

Aren't you still crazy about me?
Crazy like I am for you?

Why don't you want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you?
Why am I not on your mind all the time like you're on mine?
Why am I crying over how much I miss just seeing your words on my screen
but you can easily not reply for hours on end?

Are you still crazy about me?
Or am I just this safety net that catches you when you're falling?

when you trace my skin
every bump
ridge
crease
scar
seems to tense up
and be still
when you trace my soul
every flaw
weakness
strength
memory
seems to tense up
and be still
because now you know
there is a reason
for every bump
ridge
crease
scar

4:14 am
i love hearing your sleepy voice lingering through my speakers into my ear and into my soul as comfort
the drowning of words and slurring of vowels gives me an anchor tied to my chest as it sinks its way down and splashes creating a sense of shivers
those shivers inch the frame of my body and give me the words i need to say the most
i love you

i've often been told
that the apple doesn't fall far
from the tree

but if i climbed the highest tree
broke the weakest branches
and picked you with a single touch

would you
could you
distance yourself from the orchard of your old ways

Love puts the music in laughter,
the beauty in song,
the warmth in a shoulder,
the gentle in strong.

Love puts the magic in memories,
the sunshine in skies,
the gladness in giving,
the starlight in eyes.

Love puts the fun in together,
the sadness in apart,
the hope in tomorrow,
and the joy in the heart.

Multicoloured streamers torn and confetti
spread below your feet. A whole pile
of my insides just for you. The baseball bat
swings loosely in your muscled hand
and all the while, I lay here, silent.

These are the last words I have for you.

Love is for the weak and so I fought it.
But you drove it into me against my will,
waited for me to dissolve in it
then left my love behind
and left me lying still.

The thoughts are clawing at the insides of my thighs,
waiting on that sweet release.
My wrist tries to whisper sweet nothings,
again, waiting for a release.
My head,
it's tangled with images that want to be real.
My nose yearns for that metal smell.
That smell that lingers from the sweat of my fingers
to the silver blade.
My ears wanting to hear the shredding of skin.
And the red,
the red blood that flows in my veins,
from underneath my meaningless skin.
I think,
maybe the ****** cuts that could dance upon my skin,
make the metallic smell linger in the air,
having my guts spilling out,
would be worth it.
But I think again,
and it's not.