The beating of the drum inside your chest when you see but they are unaware of your presence,
The pulsing of the blood throughout the body when everything stands still when you are next to them,
The wanting to be held by their arms as they hold onto another,
The longing of a touch from them because you believe they are the only ones who can give you satisfaction,

The breaking of the drum inside your aching chest when you know it cannot be
The freezing of the blood throughout your body when everything seems to halt when you can't have,
The wanting to be alone when it all seems lost,
The longing to move on but knowing that they still enter your thoughts, your dreams

Forgive me,
for I took the liberty
of borrowing your red pen.

It broke
with no ink between strokes
I'll buy you a new pen.

And the light flickers keeping track of time
While I am sitting on my unmade bed.
It's a struggle to keep in mind
That to you all this love is dead.

I hear the whispers coming from the walls
Sending my heart into the gaping abyss.
And maybe I should've prevented the fall
But it's hard to resist your crooked kiss.

And maybe I'm in denial
maybe that's okay
At least once in awhile
you tend to come my way

These nights spent aren't wasted
like your breath when you leave.
False hope was what I tasted
but still you "love me".

This bourbon fits nicely in the palm of my hand
I found a way to make it work
You wouldn't understand.
Stumbling down the hall I'm told
"your a mess"
but what they don't know is
I revealed on the outside all the brokenness.

The distance today traveled by my heart matched my calloused feet.
The roads where many while my tired heart never had time to sleep.
With every love and ever feeling
every touch
and
every sensation
My heart traveled that same as my feet.

Is it the wind that running past the trees, causing the trees to whisper once touched?
Or
Is it you a ghost of my heart talking to me trying to communicate something worthtelling?

A flower caught in the wind's bent arms I saw today
I began disputing it's given name.
A Calla Lilly, A rose, a daisy
Perhaps it's -I'm just crazy .
It's a flower with beauty and it offers it in display
I saw a flower today
I saw a flower today.

Nothing speaks to me more than the feeling that blossoms
Whenever our hands touch.

Nothing speaks to me than the feeling that blossoms
whenever our lips touch.

Nothing speaks to me more than the feelings
I develop inside me like the product sugar and sulfuric Acid

Ripples spread throughout the water
Another drop hits disrupting the beautiful ripples.
I watch more drops fall and look to the sky feeling a sense of sadness
Not that there is something to be sad for it's just that the world is crying that's all

Remaining slight for a minute  then I cry along with the world
Another tear falls disrupting the ripples, the beautiful ripples.
I let them fall and look to the sky feeling the world's sadness wrap itself around me.
Not stopping it from keeping me warm, Not going to stop crying not until the world stops.

The moon wants solitude tonight.

It tugs the thick vapor layered veil over it's face.
But its tears seep, dampening the hills, trees, and earth.

Collectively, the tears coat the ruins of an ancient home.
Bent from it's foundation it's straining as a contortionist
Battered by neglection, it's body breaths with fluttering doors
but its soul is dead.

I have to revist the past for the past contains you
I wish you were not in the past but in the present beside me
I wish that the future contained you and me but
I am not sure what the future holds

No one does

So cold, I feel so cold
Ice driven through my heart
Freezing every artery every pore
This cold is all I have left as reminder of you

I no longer see with broken glasses
I use to squint to see the perfection
And letting the rough edges fade in the background
But now they are fixed and I can see clearly

Those rough edges I was talking about
They are popping out.
I now see that the way you act and how you acted was wrong
I now see that you playing with my feelings was also wrong

I no longer need a hearing aid
I use to turn the volume up to hear your laugh
And turn the volume down when you would say certain things
But now I have my hearing fixed

All those words, all those things
I hear them clearly now
Those the “I like you” turned to” I have mixed feelings”
I hear them clearly

I use to be broken
I use to not function as well
And would be blinded and deaf
And would continue to like you
But Now I am fixed

I fixed myself
And see that it is you that is broken
But I am not going to take time to fix you

Why must my thoughts flee leaving me with no words to my defense whenever you come near?
Why must  my knees fail at their post leaving me with no way to get away when ever you come near?
Why must my heart shatter, cut my arteries but then be reassembled heated with your non love whenever you come near?

It's those moments
Those "Wait I need to get my camera" Moments
I hate the most.

We are expected to hold position
Be statues while life walks on by  and observes us with unforgiving eyes
Telling us "why Wait , I sure don't"
Winks then leaves.

I am heartbroken
Time won't be able to heal
He left me broken

I won't think of him
I will ignore his presence
Cause he broke my heart

I will find someone
Who will be better than him
Cause my heart will heal

The scars will remain
But they will be real faint
No longer broken

“Not today”
If not now then when?
When Will these boxes you place for us be crushed and burned and not recycled?
When will the doors will be open for all?

“Not Today”
IF not now then when?
When will we be free and not look upon when distaste?
When will we be treated all equal?

“Not today”
If not now then when?
When will be accepted like others before us?
When will be talked in schools to make sure what we went through wouldn't be repeated?

If not today, then when
Cause I would really like to know.

Does it ever stop?
The overflowing of blood as the shards slice open the arteries of your heart?
The constant drying of the puddles of salt saturated tears?
The scattered painful memories sprinkled here and there throughout your day?
Does the pain ever stop?

My mind buzzes with excitement as I get ready
Looking in the mirror I feel okay and stroll out the door
I get there and feel as if I am coming alive

The clock ticks the seconds away and I feel the dread
I feel myself coming close to tears though I told myself not to
I am on my way home
I get there

What's next........Summer.

We're the leaf falling.
Moving, carried slowly
Touching, scraping the sidewalk,
Ripping, tearing under feet
Drying, crumbling into tiny pieces
Scattered, spread, carried in separate directions.
We're the leaf falling.

Speak your mind out loud
Scandalmonger, who stands up
With lies that pour out.

The stars shine on you.
They shower you with their light, letting every bit of you glow
The moon also shines on you but with only half of it self
The other half is unseen cause it doesn't trust you fully
To let all of it shine on you

I shouldn't care, I should move on with my life
And let my Heart protect itself from anymore pain
I should But I don't

I refuse to listen to the voice in my head
that tells me to run away and hide behind the walls that were already made
I should but I don't

I ignore the yield sign, completely block any view of the stop sign that pops up
It's telling me to not go any further, I should listen to the No Trespassing sign too
I should But I don't

I need to forget you, forget those eyes that take me to the sea
I need to forget those hands and stop wishing they would hold me
I need to forget all the problems you make for yourself
I need to forget and find someone else

I should But I don't

Because
Everything you try to mimic is not you.

Because
Every sound from your mouth is false and not yours.

Because
Every day when you get up you look in the the closet and choose who to wear this time you lose a little bit of yourself

Because
Everyone doesn't see unique every day

Because
Eventually being you is the only thing you have left.

And then from the corner of the building
came a vehicle storming through the street.
The driver desperately drove determined to diverge
into another lane but he catastrophically crashed into a cemented wall.

Let’s stay this way.
Old white T-shirt stained with grass
     on the floor with the axe cologne lingering in my nostrils
Visit my hair with your fingertips
      don’t be afraid.
Eventually place your hand on my cheek
      to steady your lips as you give me a gentle kiss.

Look into my eyes
Oh! How I love looking into the oceans you carry
     My soul ventures with the intent of being lost.
Visit my arms and I will be the gravity
    holding you to my chest
        as you listen to our heart.
Eventually let’s stay in a position
     where one listens to our heart
         as we fall asleep.

Let your thoughts of the outside world
       Jump the tracks, fall into a river
            And drown.
Only the thoughts of you and me
       Should be kept from falling
            Should be kept
               On the tracks.
Visualize you and me, hand in hand, ring in ring,
        Just this visualization is needed nothing more.
Eventually the love between us will be greater than all

Do not let them see
The jagged pieces you hold
For blood might scare 'em

Sometimes it's too much
For a broken heart to be
Seen all tattered up.

Do not let them see
Your blood shot drained of tears eyes
For loss might scare 'em

Sometimes it's too much
For the rivers to be seen
Drained of love and soul.

I
There are more colors than
Just seeing black or White

II
Inbetween there are other colors
Than just black or white.

III*

Different Colors make a protrait
Not just black or white

The thought of you gone is a thought I hate.  
For you gone is like my heart is missing.    
But you chose to go and make your mistake,
So tonight it's not you I'm kissing.        
Did you even think of what I would say?
Or what I would do after I found out?
Lusted after ones who would never stay,
You decided to take a different route.
But pull the brakes, stop the spinning now.      
Though I despise the thought of you not here,
I rather have nothing and him with thou  
Than you lusting 'round while you call me "Dear".
So let me tell, This love I had was true
But like a distraught bird, it done and flew.

And it slumbered in the crevices of my brain
Awoke with a growl, low and bone gargling
It yanked itself up jumping high before landing,
leaving an impression on my frontal lobe.
Sometimes I am handed raw meat and I with a satisfied smirk feed it.

Let’s stay this way.
Old white t-shirt stained with grass on the floor while axe cologne lingers in my nostrils.
Visit my hair with your fingertips, let not one strand be neglected for then I shall be neglected.
Eventually, place your hand on my cheek to steady your lips as you gently kiss me.

Look into my eyes.
Oh! How I love looking into the oceans you carry; my soul ventures with the intent of being lost.
Visit, I will visit and mark every island with a whispered “I love you”.
Eventually, after much elapsed cradling of waves I will let myself be found.

Let your thoughts of the outside world jump the tracks, fall into a river, and drown.
Only, snag the thoughts of you and me from falling into forgetfulness.
Visit my arms and I will become gravity, holding you to my chest as you listen to our heart.
Eventually, let’s give ourselves to weariness as we listen to our heart.

I'm in love and I am scared.
A child lost in the forest of his feelings, hearing the muffled cries of past love.
A child with no flashlight trudging along the shard filled path desperately trying to not fall on the past.
I'm in love and I am scared.

Never gaze directly at the sun.
Its beauty will engage your pupils to a conversation,
politely ignore their inadvertent stutters,
before stabbing them with an indifferent attitude
leaving you to blink away the tears.
But the moon no matter how long you stare
will never force you to look away.

And I heard the whispers in the night.
Whispers that came from within.
Your name was barley audible but I understood that my heart was crying.
Repeating your name.

You call her by name
You him by name
You call her by her name too
But me I am that boy

Since the Twelfth of Jan
You haven't spoken to me
And today when we did speak
it wasn't calm, I heard hatred and anger
As if I was interrupting your day and I made it go sour
Not Once have you said my name
Not once you would you acknowledge my presence

Not Mentioned as if I died and all you see is merely a ghost
Not talked to as if I am an unwelcome guest
And When talked to nothing but anger

I am that boy, not a son
I am that boy, not kin
My name is no longer what was given to me
It is not mentioned by your lips to me
Like speaking them would bring about a plague
No all I ever heard you say to refer me was "That boy"

What happens when you lose your inspiration?
You make things up
You look at nature and try to capture the beauty she let's us see
with words.
You look at others and try to write down their lies and truths
you look at art and try to match the curves and emotion with your own art.
you write until something or someone new inspirses you.

We may never know the answers
to the questions in our heads.
We may never know the answers
as we lie upon our beds.
But one thing we can rely on
is that one day it will be clear
like dew drops on blades of grass
or the feelings that echo within our hearts
telling us to take certain paths
One day we can rely on what we know
and why we know
and how we've come to know.
One day everything will be clear.
One day

Our strides like deep breaths before confessing love are beautiful.

Growing up they tell you
To go ahead reach for your dreams
but then you hit the road block, get caught up
In society.

Growing up they tell you
Go ahead play outside
But then your hurt by their dirt
So you go 'head and hide

Normal hurts
Normal hurts
It's to cramp in their box
Normal Hurts
Normal Hurts
This has got to stop.

Baby, don't you worry bout what they gonna say
you got light they wish they had
It's shinning out your way.

Baby, go ahead and say whatcha wanna say
It's your power that they lack
It aint never gonna go away

And he held the universe in both hands
Balancing the solar system on his fingers.
The sun grew too hot and he tilted the scale.
If there was air on the palms of his hand
One would have heard the bellowing screeching
of the people muffled by the oceans.

Turn the faucet on and let the water do its job.
Let the water swirl and spin
Let it drag all those lies down.
Let it drown it and never come up to breathe.

Letter: To Lone Child

The rivers seem to never stop
There’s a storm a churnin in your heart
And all you have left is your self

Your falling down can’t get up
always thristin with a broken cup
And all you have left is yourself

No, matter what you try to say
You fellow man turns away
They won’t listen to what they don’t understand
But I am here so talk to me.


Wipe the tears slip into night
Follow the internal light
And you’ll see that it’s alright

Rise from your former ash
Resist the urge to look back
Because kid it’s going to be alright


No matter what you try to say
You fellow man turns away
They won’t listen to what they don’t understand
But I am here so talk to me.

Time plays a complex hand
It ponders ‘fore exposing stance
But kid it’s going to be alright.

I became a shredded piece of paper
Scattered among your piles.
You were my unruly neighbor
Always a bit hostile.

I lost myself in thoughts  of "forever Love"
Until it became too dark to see.
You held me down with thrusting shoves
On my last breathe "you never loved me."

When we inhale denial
We exhale ecstasy.
But living in denial
ain't the way to be.
We can ride that ship of fantasy
We hold them close in our dreams
But living in denial
ain't the way to be.


I tell myself I'm over it
burn them letters that you wrote.
But one is never over it
when one hangs on every note.



When we inhale denial
We exhale ecstasy.
But living in denial
ain't the way to be.
We can ride that ship of fantasy
We hold them close in our dreams
But living in denial
ain't the way to be.

I never had the need to look o'er my shoulder
But Now my heart is growing colder

Never had the need to take some thought
But Now my feelings are getting caught

I never knew that you could be this way
But I guess that's what I get for playing this game

How Could I be so blind?
Time after time, Lie after Lie

I need to step away
To go away and move on
I need to quit this play
Forget this game and move on

I still have these feelings there's no denying that
They always knock always knock
But to act upon would be a selfish act
So I must stay firm and be a rock

I need to take a step back
and go away and never return
I need to stop being whack
and not be this way and not crash or burn.

I have eaten the fruits of a fallen society
The rubble has punctured my sense of pride
and I lie dying
with the light overshadow inside.

Poetry is the elixir I drain into the cracks of my broken self
to ensure security in a world where cold indifference is less expensive then a nod of acknowledgement.

And my life altered
continues to surprise me
is this being dead?