Baffled, bewildered
How one can care so much
About myself more than I
But the sad fact is
That I never really did

I never really tried
To put in the effort
You have it set
You made it
Don't you realize?

You could be my idol
You're not an actor
But more important
You are the director
From my pessimism

And it's a sad thought
That even if I tried
I could never ever
Be the man you are
Today

I often dream of acceptance
of who I am, of who I could be
the people and places I've seen
are just that,
people and places.
Empty buildings, and emotionless faces.

I am in fact living in a world of terror
the hospital bed I laid with visions
of the outside.
The window they used to watch me sleep,
but I was in fact awake for the third time.

My troubled mind bleeds sometimes
when I see pictures of you.
It might have bled today
because I thought I'd drowned in the bed I laid
but quietly I fell asleep.

Sleeping was the worst part
for at night I had to relive the past
and hear my parents cry.
I wonder if I'll grow old with someone
one day.
I wonder if the world will stop turning
and making me feel this way.

I decay.

I.
You told me you still had
Those roles of film,
Undeveloped.
The ones that you took of me
In the summer.

II.
I wonder
If you will ever see me again
As I used to be.

III.
I wish you had a darkroom
For my soul;
For all you've ever seen
Have been scratched
Negatives.

IV.
I miss looking at your features
Through viewfinders.

V.**
You were the whole world
Inside a tiny glass frame.

Black** shades, duck through the dark and then decay.
He's popular, but nonetheless he's the least bit brave.
He sings sad songs of love and death,
he speaks of good and not the rest.
Black jeans and paint chips on his vest,
he never smiles even at his best.
Tell me a story before you fall into dismay,
tell me how you threw the world away.

Walk with me, to the cemetery tonight.
Your hands so cold, in the warmth of the night.
Step over tombstones, and lonely graves, I left my heart at sea, caught in the waves.
Grab my hand, show me connection, show me love and show me affection.
And while we danced, you turned to ash, my memories will remain at the cemetery at last.