College is a cancer clinic.
At this university, you either live long enough to die,
or die until you want to live.
Kids drag backpacks like bags of morphine,
and are attached to their planners like they are their heart monitors.
You do your own chemotherapy,
as you poison yourself with debt,
and Friday night nickel shots.

my ribs are doing that jerky
breathing thing again
and im not sure if it's the smell of
your perfume that's suffocating me,
or the replay of memories that are
still creeping into my brain
whispering in my ear "remember.."
pulling on each string of my heart
ripping and tearing it apart

the memories i spend over 15
hours a day trying to shove into the back of my head and forget,
i stupidly keep writing about

I let it back in. I let it creep into my soul.
no I let it unbury itself from the grapple it was under.
I let it walk out of the shadows and bowed down to it.
it referred to me as "autumn" and I couldn't respond, because the girl that was once here, was cut up into little pieces, and forgotten but myself.
I let her rot away, under the skeptical of other's all while she had that smile upon her face.
and now, here we are in the same body.
no place for her dearest to go.
HAHAHA she is trembling, afraid of herself,
and ****. have I ever been more proud, my greatest work of all?
sitting here, begging for me to leave.
honey, sweet pea, **** yourself.
because I am here and now and you aren't getting rid of me.
you should have done that 3 years ago.
you should have listened to the whispers.
instead of slowly fading away.