Revelations come from my mouth like black smoke.
Usually it's just flowers.
She watches it wafting up to the ceiling,
Crashing into it like a million tiny moths
Flowers die fast,
Even if mine are exotic and impressive
But the smoke sticks around,
It is oily, thick smoke
And it does not die fast
.
She doesn't cough.
Maybe that's because she already has trouble breathing,
Or maybe she's just cool with the devil.
But the smoke walked out of my organs rationally
It did not try to come out
When I thought about how stupid that promise was
Playing roulette with a wedding ring,
How my body slid into the right position,
How you can fight life with life
But you can't find death with death
Death just finds itself
We're already wrapped around its non-finger
It's the part that's missing when you throw something across the universe
Or maybe the whole thing's missing,
Maybe we're all just lost, oh never mind
I found myself again.
Well anyway, I was telling this girl how it makes no sense for me to make a promise that's just gonna make me throw a temper tantrum,
And how I know I will, I've tried not to way too many times
And how I hate that you can't tell
And it's all really just about this moment anyway.
I was telling her how this time I'm not going to make any promises,
How that's what I need mainly because I need to learn to bare myself to my vulnerability instead of repeatedly projecting it and throwing some girl away,
Banking on my stupid, gorgeous face
And that's the only way I'll get stronger against my insecurity.
I was telling her all this but it felt like I was dying,
And I was,
And I'm learning to hate myself in all the right ways
And I'm learning to be smooth just like death,
Just like D---.
Then I put on If I Was Your Vampire and got us both a bowl of cereal.