The weight of my flesh controlling my future is death. The rotting bones that hold me up is a constant reminder of my brokenness. And to Him I give my nothingness of a being.

An empty vessel. Blood sweat and tears. Bundled in fears. Keep falling. What's to be my future?
Lord YOU know me.
You seek me, even when I run from you.
You know me, even when I've lost my own identity.
In you I can breathe.
In you I can live.
In you I am loved.
You mold me and shape me.
You call me daughter and you love me.

My soundtrack. My life.
It's a broken record of simple delights.
The rythem of a bass that influences the patterns in my brain. The raining spring. And flowers sing. Story time? Just my mind. I thought I was cool this whole time. Wannabe hipster, party of me. So sick of this skin. Maybe rebuild it and start again. Fake plastic watering can. I keep tripping. Silver spinning. I keep day dreaming. Moonlit sky. The birds and beasts chirp and lie. I keep meeting people and don't know who you are. A name? A face? Make sure you look pretty. One day you'll be erased. Hooded soldier, hopeless wanderer. Blackened eyes. Can't believe their lies. You were right. I have no use. That day when you yelled and screamed, calling me worthless I believed in your words. Sadness turned to anger and bitter was the taste. I grew up real quick and faded into those ways. I can't keep this in. Emo poetry, where do I begin?

Crossing that border. Hope that we don't studder. Or ponder. What's the next step?
The screech from a cracked window. And the memories flood again. Going to serve the poor. A piece of glass. The separation of life and death. He took it all. And He first loved me. With eyes of compassion He bore my cross and set my dry bones free. Gave me wings to fly. All the glory is for Him, who has healed all my scares. And helped me breathe again.
Return to the dirt. Opened eyes. The light inside. Truly see them. The smiles and waves. The little hands and ***** faces.
The pure hearts in a darkened place.
Waking up to praise His name. Walking bold with our hearts a flame.
We find peace in eyes of the old.
Freckles and winkles. Little laughs and curios glances. Questions. Oh questions.
The ruins and faded stains of graffiti, the crumbles of trash and the dust keeps you sneezing.
The heat on your back, am I going to be fine? Trust in God. With all my heart. My soul. And mind.
Moving forward. Can't turn back now. These wings are meant to fly. Preach with our mouth closed and sing with new hope.
Heart begins to beat. One body. One stride.
Let's be His hand and feet and keep our heads high.

Killing my flesh.
Day by day. This shell I live in is temporary.
My bones are weak. My heart wicked.
And my eyes blind. Dear God, can you just take it away? I want to see only you. Worship only you. Live only for you. Fill my heart with your goodness. Take away the darkness that crawls inside. Take away my constant pride.
My fear of man and my state of rebellion.
Lord God you are holy. You are righteous. You put breath in my lungs and a beat in my heart. Who am I to ask for anything? You call me your child and you hold my every thought. You know the depths of my wicked ways and yet you call me by name: river.
Your spirit moves me. Rushing love. I'm sinking deep in your grace.

Sketch from a scribble note.
Hold on, before your tongue chokes.
Lift up that empty hope.
And cry with the life you once thought.
Hold out your Vains and sink in your pain.
Lock up the past and walk in your lane.
Darkness spreads. And your dreams are dead. Live for you. That's freedom right?
Keep saying this earth is your mother life.
With black rings under your windows. Pick up that tool. Drown out tomorrow. Bend your spin and count the time...... Someday you'll be fine. Someday. Eyes open. Body frozen. Kiss kiss. This always helps. That release....is this free? They hurt you. Bitter. But you were sweet. Deep deep beat. Feel your bones, brittle and weak. They were shadows and that drink was your ticket out......of your mind. Time ticks. Hands shake. Close your eyes. Your heart breaks. Why can't I be myself? What is a name?
Back to that canvas once again. It starts out blank, then colors fade. They ripped it away. But the one thing left is your pain. Crawl back into it. Breathe in the smoke. Life begins to choke.

It's like coming up for air.
Being tossed in a sea of romantic dreams.
Deep under a lovesick melody.
Thicker than air. Stress fills your lungs.
Gasping for truth. Can't see. Thought you'd  be free.
Hands dance, under a blanket of watery bliss.
Hair waves with the sea ****. You kiss the world goodbye.
Buried under shadows of memories.
Heart begins to reach.
You used to grasp the rocky beach.
Blue eyes like the roaring sea.
You stood tall like a tree.
And your hope grew fierce and free.
You were wrapped in a coil of fear and sorrow. You used to dream of tomorrow.
Eyes open. Body frozen. Vains shakin'.
You begin to fight again.
Mind takes over.
The rays of light break through the cold descent.
Feet begin to push the pain back down to that shadowy death.
The warmth of the grass and a flower head dress. Summer nights. And the pale moonlight. The smell of peace. That moment of serenity.
Now your being tossed in this raging scene.
Scarred body.
Pale face.
Visions of that place seem too far away.