My guilty pleasure is not a piece of chocolate after a long day, or bumming a cigarrette off of a stranger. Rather, I guiltily find pleasure in imagining how much better you taste on my lips than those trivial pleasures. The sheer thought of your lips on me makes me guilty with an undying want for the pleasure of your lips.

I've been away for so long
That I had forgotten how it feels
To sit with family all around
And cook family meals
The laughter the smiles
All pick me up
It's been awhile
But I still love the way it feels
Though its cold out
We still dare throw water
And we know we might catch colds
As we fight in only shirts in the snow
But we live in the present
And forget the consequences  
Because everything is easier that way

I've been trying to imagine what you'll feel like
Once you've hiked to the peak of my
Demureness.
Tell me how many times you've envisioned that expedition
-Dreams and Reality
Fantasies and Actuality-
Lets make the transition.
I want you to feel what I feel like.
I want you to feel me.

my heart bleed, my soul cries
someone walking the path i walked but mush worst need help
my cous reaches to his Bro ,but he to held on the past
the weaker one has fallen
oh god help please help
how can you turn your back on a mentally sick person
" i am struggling"
mental illness is a struggling, broke is a breeze
i know, i have seen the monster
we best buddies now, living together, cuddling and stuff
showing him back to the one that is braking him, destroying piece by piece
she doesn't care for him, if she did she would get him help
why am i the only one that sees
the self destruction coming
oh god! protect us
he screams muffled creams for help, no one cares, no one hears

money is not everything
mental health is

upon marriage your blood signs a covenant
with a firm i do
before god and the community
upon my 1st breath a covenant was signed
you want praise for a physical abuse free home
how dare you
marriage described as playing with the mouse
your plaything taken by god
he gave you, he took away
you didn't keep your covenant
you broke and destroyed a young woman
she died in a gilded Gage
no-one knows the truth, you think
i was there
i saw, i remember, small but present
emotional abuse rang the bell
i begged for divorce from you
many a time
you married "your" mother,
she married" her" father,
one contract different expectations
a broken covenant
children are a gift from god,
my sisters both died, i lived
i was/am nothing in your eyes
the covenant

I take it all into account
The love, the pain, their lack of count.

I list the trees, the sea,
The dirt, the ***,
The He, the She,
Our ability to see...

I add, subtract and multiply
And also add the fear to die
And our tendency to cry...
The food, the bed,
The relief of paying off a debt,
The smell of books,
The first-line hooks,
The hate, the disappointment
And the joy to find an ointment...

I cry, I laugh, but mostly think
And finally dip the goblet and start to drink,
As I know that soon my mind would find another truth
And I might lose my grip and step away from
The fountain of youth.

There was a dark cloud
That used to follow me around
Constantly plaguing my every thought
Poisoning my mind and spirit

For most of my life
I knew this cloud
Not a friendly fellow, was he
He took me to shadowy places
Too hard to escape

The cloud forced negativity into me
Causing me to force it back onto
The ones I love
And the world I came to know

A constant sadness rained upon me
There seemed to be no escape
The cloud made me hate myself
Made me sick
Almost too sick to heal

Until I grew tired of the cloud
Grew tired of the negativity
Grew tired of the sadness

My life is my own
Only I can control it
Not the cloud
Or anyone else

The cloud still visits
From time to time
But not nearly as often