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Eva comes home from work to where there are many flies
and slaps my brother side-headed because he left the back
door open,  she is bovine heavy and limps to close it.  We eat

Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and it is soothing like peanut butter
fudge or Pepsi-Cola.  Eva says do the dishes up boys,  goes
to bed and cries.  Me and brother go to sleep and I dream

of a burning house.
You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to **** you.
You died before I had time ----
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off the beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My ****** friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine,
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You ----

Not God but a *******
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the *****.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two ----
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagersnever liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you *******, I'm through.
I can’t escape the tides
That wash away the silence
As each grain tumbles
With every crashing wave
I close in on the shore

The truth claims my voice
Epiphanies envelope my mind
Like gale force winds
Churning the endless sea
I close in on the shore

Through the eye of the storm
I am reborn
Of strength and of courage
With a new found vision
I close in on the shore

I have awakened to the Cosmic call
Every ripple affect a download
Each wave removing debris
With the embodiment that is me
I rest upon the shore
9/26/16
I lie in a half prone position
Waiting for the debate to end
The start of the road to perdition
Earlier I spoke to a friend

She told me, she'd like me to see her
When she's not feeling so low
I don't know the right things to tell her
It's cowardly of me, I know

I brought her last night to the doctor
Waiting an hour or two
The nurses were calm and so kindly
But I still don't know what I can do

I told her be brave and be honest
I touched her, the back of her neck
She flinched cause she's been violated
She whispers, a hushed, slienced wreck

Do I help her because that I love her
Or is it more selfish than that?
Do I help her because I dream of her
Alone with me inside my flat?

The nighttime is getting much colder
Autumn comes early this year
Do I help her because that I love her?
Or is it I can't stand her tears?
Written on September 17th 2.44am, 2016.
 Sep 2016 Finley in Despair
k
I stopped believing in myself
and everything else
the day I realized that love is like currency,
a currency that, despite my sincerest efforts, I have never been able to work hard enough to earn
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