Black is a color, black is a race, black is a cause, black is a man, black is a nation, black is a state of mind hell black is life and in our current times black lives matter but to me black is my heart. Twice removed from my emotional state I have put my feelings up on a pedestal for people to see and twice I have been acclaimed, appraised, applauded but as if that wasn’t enough twice I hated, I cursed, I seethed, I raged, I raved eventually twice I faltered, I got up, I started walking, I broke off into a sprint and twice I stopped, I heaved, I cried, I was shaken and I finally ended myself. I have no emotion left within myself, no hope for better things, and no joy for the simple things and no color in my soul. This is my grey area finally resonating with my grey matter to make sure that I will always remember that life is a risk and love is black.
Black was her ideal that resonated with my mind but now black is the trail she left in the wake of her departure. Blank was my mind when I first met her dark eyes as I lost myself in her gaze as she rolled them away into a scowl. Black were my shoes as I strolled up to her path in an attempt to soak up all the light she exuded as her frame glided across the room. She had brought black back to my mind as her favored garment hung onto her body exuberating frail sounds from my throat as I tried to save face and escape her gaze. Black was her aura as her grace was apotheosized in her form which seemed to remind me that in a world of tragedy, only black roses can blossom into something new, something tailor made just for me.
Black are the indentations on this surface as I etch the thoughts of my core into this bland paper and listen to the wild screams that fill this pitch black night. The echoes of my fledgling personas’ reverb against my solid defense but their black marks are felt against my skin and trace the hairline of my back and push me to within a stone’s throw of my mortality. Gone is my incessant need to control all the variables in my environment and I find myself staring into a black hole that slowly draws me in with every breath and it takes all my pent up frustration to concentrate clearly and withstand the ruthless wind that encroaches my space.
In the night air, I am swept up by the urge to rid myself of my morality, I try and fail miserably, I cannot, no what I mean is that I can only feel and the realization that I cannot control my heart dawns on me slowly but surely as I weep silently sobs wrack my once rigid body sending it into convolutions that leave me bare and black broke, such is my disposition. How hopeless am I?
It is so cold and I know I should be shivering but my body does not respond as it should I am frozen solid and only my black pupils flicker vigorously as my impending demise approaches. The fear cascades up and down my body and I close my eyes in protest and to resign myself to the eventuality that I will no longer be whole. She let me go when I so desperately wanted to stay and fight, she made her intentions clear from the onset and I succumbed to the pressures of trying to please her but I quickly caught on to the dynamics of my situation and sadly could not save even myself. It’s laughable really how pointless of an effort it has been to love, to feel, to care, to imbue and to infer but the most important lesson I learned is you must never compromise your best to fulfill your fairy tale solicitations.
Black was meant to be my theme but blue became my mood and when I attempt to remember the point of writing these words it dawned on me how white my problems were and so I settled down and projected my green envy on this world and resolved to shelf this red anger for later use in my grey life. Black fire burns my soul and my heart bleeds black but blue lights hail my black love for you.