Her souls been shattered
She's trying to pick up the peices
But storm after storm
Keep knocking her down

Look into her eyes
And you'll see her pain

Look into her eyes
And you'll see her fear

Look into her eyes
And you'll see pure love

Bright blue eyes
that show her sorrow

Her smile fake
masking her pain

Shattering soul
Crumbling trust
Bleeding heart

This is what I've become.
This is what you've created.

A shell too Broken
Too survive

Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight*

Star light, Star bright,
Why have you failed me tonight
I wished with all my might
Begging for this wish tonight.

My innocence has washed away
The childish wonder
has lost its luster
fading into the dark night sky

Reality has kicked in
Time to grow up
Can't be the next peter pan
Can't live among the stars any longer.

Children are believing no more
Faries, mermaids, and all the glamour.
Pirates, Treaure, Damsels in destress,
children are forgetting, turning their backs

Those wishing stars have shattered
Falling to Earth like meteors.
Their twinkle has fizzeled out
Their magic blowing away in space.

Paige
The only girl I truely loved
I held you close
Kissed your lips
Gave you my heart.

I was there when your step father
Pushed you down the stairs
I held you as you cried.
I was your refuge
when you were terrified to go home.

I was the only one to see behind oyur walls
the only person you let see the real you.
I held you close and never judged
all your "imperfection" making me love you more.

I gave you my heart
I treasured you so dearly.
I missed you feircly when we parted ways.

Then my little brother let me in on a secrect
Shattering my heart.

You SLEPT with my little brother
While I was fast asleep in the next room.

You had my heart in your hands
and you crushed it so blatantly.
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?

Didnt you realize you meant everything to me?
didnt you realize that I was falling head over heels in love with you?

Was it all just a joke to you?

My rage sees no end,
your betrayal is seared into my heart
Forever.

I've tried to fix the cracks
That snaked throughout our relationship
But the fights
and the digs
made them grow
Now they are as big
as the great caynon.

I give up
I'm done trying
I'm done with the fights
and the tears that do nothing.
I'm tired of the stress and the anxiety.

The only reason I stick around
Is because I made a promise
to someone that means the world to me.
I promised my sister I would never abandon her.
So I will stay here, Its so worth it.

But I'm done trying to fix us
I'm done trying to get close to you.
Mother I will always love you .
But Our relationship is just
To broken to ever be repaired.

To me family is:
All the people that mean something to you.
They dont have to be blood.
They dont have to  be the same race, gender, age, religion.
As long as they mean something to you
As long as you love them with everything you have.
That
is what I call
Family.
~~~~~~~~~

So you mean Like you are to me Fenix?
~~~~~~~~~~

Yes Hawk. That is what I mean.
~~~~~~~~

Fenix you know you are my sister.
I love you through and through
You've pulled me out of the gutter more times then I would like to admit.
You've been there for me
And I have tried my hardest to be there for you.
To my children you will Always be Aunty.
To my wife you are consider sister in law.
I will always be your big brother
There to protect you.
~~~~~

Yes Hawk you are my big brother.
Forever
~~~~~

Infinity and beyond
~~~~~

What are we?
Toy story?
~~~~~~

I am Buzzlightyear
Hear me Roar
~~~~~~~~~

Dear Gundi
if your are buzz lightyear
we are all doomed
~~~~~

hums you got a friend in me
~~~~~~

*And this is why we are family

I vow to always be there
To help you in anyway you need.

I vow to Protect you
With Everything I am

I'm here to help you learn,
I'm here to make you love yourself more
The way I already do.

If you disobey
I'm sorry but I must punish.

But dont worry.
The sting wont sting for long

I'll bandage you back up.
With a Kiss and a good Boy

I'll hold you when you need me
I'll scold you when you need to be.

I'll Be loving
I'll be Strict.

This is my Vow to you.

He told her to let him go
That he cant love her anymore
that it hurt to much
The chains around his wrists.

So the Angels ward let him go,
Took off the binding chains
Told him he could fly
To spread his tattered wings.

But to her he came back,
Telling her
I dont know what I want anymore

She knelt down at looked at him,
Her once fallen angel
Once the person who made her feel safe.

Do you want to be my Fallen angel again?
Because you know I will choose you
I will choose you every time

He looks at her,
His eyes lost and full of pain
I dont know what I want anymore

She puts her arms around him
The Fallen angels ward held him close
tighly in her arms.

I will always be here for you
No Matter what you choose
I'm not going anywhere
*its in your hands now

Stupid Little child
Stop acting like your opinions
are better then everyone elses
It jsut makes you look pathetic

All those years ago.
You left my life
without even a good bye.
From fifteen to eighteen
there was a empty hole in my heart
where you are meant to be.
My big brother.
Why did you have to leave me?

You thought it was for the best
You thought I didnt need you.
But guess again.
I still need my big brother.

You came back when I was ninteen
Promised me you would never leave again.
I took your word for it.
You never go back on your word.

YOU PROMISED ME HAWK!!!!!!!!

But here you are leaving my life again
Just when I need my big brother the most.

How dare you do this to me
You ******* *******!
I HATE YOU
But I love you with all my heart

You're my big brother Hawky
I need my brother.

Don't leave my life
You promised.

My world has been rocked
Shattered to the core.

But I'm still here!

All the failures of my life
**** past me
Howling like the wind.

BUT I'm still here!

The razor looks friendly
Offering me its bitter comfort
To let my sorrow pour out.

BUT I'M still here!

Depression sings
his posioned song
Wanting me for himself

BUT I'M STILL here!

Come close to the edge
My feet stepping over.
Staring down into the Abyss

**BUT I'M STILL HERE!!!!!!!!!

I understand why you did it
I understand the struggle you went through
But it doesnt make it hurt any less.

I was only little
A little girl
crying out for her Mommy.

But she was never there.

Yes I had daddy
and I had my step mom.
But they weren't you!

Daddy Always telling me
To grow up
Even when I was only 7!

Step mom always doting
On my brother, her son.
Always telling me
How I was nothing but A stress in her life.

I understand now
Why you werent there.
I wont go into it.

But tell that to 5 year old Nikkie,
10 year old me!
The little girl who missed her mama
Screaming out for her attention.

I know why you werent there

But it doesnt make the Pain
from all those years without you
Just go away.

And whats worse...
You dont even feel bad.

You're never gunna be alone
from this moment on.
If you ever feel like letting go
I wont let you fall.
You're never gunna be alone
I'll hold you till the hurt is gone*

The lyrics of Nickelback
they ring true
for me and you.

Sister I love you
Till the end of time.
I will never abandon you
No matter what you do.

We are sisters
You are my only one
I will always be here
Please always know!

I Love you Summer

<3

You don't see just how badly
You hurt me.

Replaced and abandoned
Forgotten.

Ive cried my tears
And screamed my rage.
But it didn't bring you back.

So I give up.

Im done.

I wont let it hurt me.

I wont let you hurt me.

Ive made my peace.

Please Magnum
Don't
leave us.
Don't
Go

my Onekyh
My Russian gaurdain
So big so strong
An amazing Guy

Lays unconsious in a hospital bed
An induced Coma.

Please goddess
dont take him from us!
We still need him.
His son and wife
Me and Hawk

One of the strongest men I know
It kills me to think
Of him battered and broken
Helpless.

Please Goddess
Dont take him
I will do anything

PLease
my Onekyh
Dont leave us!!!

I know you are hurting
I know you must be scared
BUT PLEASE
Be strong just one more time
Please pull through this

Come back to Us!!!!

Like air
you're every where
I go.

I cant seem
to get you
out of my mind.

When we're not
hanging out
I think about you nonstop.

When I close my eyes
I see your smiling face
staring back at me.

I'm sitting in my room all alone.
I find myself wishing
that you were with me.

I guess the little Pickachu
Is all that I have left of you
I'll hold it tight
Close to my heart
and Remember all the times we had.

Drinking grape Smirnoff
In the woods
out behind BCC.

All the times at your house
falling asleep together
curled up in your room.

On the way home
from college
Using you as a pillow
knowing I was safe.

My fallen angel
has been set free
The way it was meant to be.

But This little Pickachu
that is sitting here in my room.
Did you know I slept with him
Every single night?

I guess I'll just have to hold him
Just a little bit closer from now on.

A love I always held
Locked away in my heart
My fallen angel.

As I fell asleep
I would always feel
Broken tattered wings
Wrap around me
Protecting me.

But now I realize
How selfish I had become.
Keeping him to me
Never truly able to give him
What he desperately wanted
My whole heart.

My fallen angel hurt
Yet I kept him to me
Chained by words
Of I love you.

I realize now
I see my wrong doing.
It kills me
A piece of me has died.

My fallen angel
I set you free

My fallen angel
No more.

Never forget
who you are.

Never say something
you'll regret later on.

Never do something
you know is wrong.

Never miss a chance to tell someone
you love them.

Never tell a lie
you cant undo.

Never cause harm
that's damaging forever.

Never steal
when you have the money.

Never fight
when it can be done differently.

Never do something poorly
when you know you can do it better.

After all
you only live and have
one life.

I dont belong here

I belong on the dangerous streets
Of fall river

On the peaceful street
Of evergreen
In rhode island

I belong
In g building of bcc
On honeyman ave
In a town in rhode island

I belong in Massachusetts
With the love of my life.

I belong in weedamo woods
With my soul sister
The best friend I've ever had

Isolated by my self up here
The only person keeping me sane is my little sister

I just want to go home.
Im tired of just visiting it In my dreams.

I throw down my neutrality
I am finally picking a side
Mother,
Stepfather
GO **** YOURSELVES
I'm on My sister's side

seven different alarms to wake you up
Sleep through all
But the one screaming at you
To head to work.

****!!!
Run around the house
trying to get ready
Gunna be late!

RUN!
run to work
jog, fast walk
whatever it takes!

FALL!!!
Trip and fall
Twisting ankle
Not even half way there
Limp painfully all the way to work

Swollen ankle
pain radaiting up the leg
Tears coming down.

Soda explosion
all over the desk
barely missing the keyboard!

Saturday misfortune
Has fallen upon me

****** Saturday work days

Cant freaking stand them

The only place I feel safe
Is in your tight embrace.
The only place I belong
Is by your side.

Nothing else matters
When I'm with you.
All my problems and fears
vanish in your presence.

I feel like a somebody
when you're with me.
I feel important and special
when I'm around you.

No one has ever made me feel this way.
Then you came along and everything changed.
Suddenly my dark world found the light.
And I finally felt like I belonged.

Every time I see you I light up
because I know that in a few seconds
I will be in the arms of a guy
that is soo amazing.

who treats me with so much respect
that I don't know how to comprehend
sometimes...

someone that I love so much
that I can't even express it fully..

someone that I know I finally realize
I can turn to when I am in trouble
because he will be there for me
and will know just what to say...

Someone that gives the best advise....

Every time see you I get butterflies
even after a year

And every morning when I wake up
I can't wait to get to the college
so I can kiss you and wrap my arms around you...

I have to restrain myself
from tackling you every time see you

People are always leaving
Leaving never staying
Walking out of my life
never to return again

friends I thought were there forever
Turned out to Be false hope
should have fought harder
Should have clinged a little tighter.

Family members I thought were golden
Faded away from sight
Words barely spoken
memories turned into dreams.

people are always leaving
leaving never staying
walking out of my life
never to return again

Sitting there quietly
trying to watch TV.
Flash Flash
lights going off outside.

what is that?
is someone playing with a Camera?

Open the front door
******* its a down pour!

Thunder crashing
Lightening streaking

Perfect Maine Summer night

Thunder rumbling
down to my bones
Shaking the house.

Lightening so bright
I could read by it
like candle light.

Rain roaring
droning in my ears
Like a soothing lullaby.

What a perfect
summer night.

Have you ever been sick of yourself?
Lay awake at night
staring at the ceiling.
Going over who you are as a person.

Have you ever just hated your life
Lay awake at night
Too hot out to sleep.
Wondering how it became this way.

I'm so sick of me,
and who I've become.

I cant stand who I am,
And what I've let my life
Fall into.

I
Hate
Me

Nine years ago I met you
You were in rough shape,
Strung out on *******,
A merc for Hire.

I was 12
you were 15.
Living your life in the shadows
hiding from the world.
The blazing sun could not reach you.

You were a monster
A deadly creature
Not to be messed with.

Living your life
On the wrong side of the Law.
A question that always plagues me
how the hell were you never caught?

I strode up to you
A fire in my hands
Reached out to you
And let the fire spread.

You are so much more
then you realize.
You mean so much
to so many people.

Me
Twittle
Kaityln
Arianna
Sophia!

and thats not all

Angel
Pop
Java
and
Mags!


We all love you!
in all your
"****** up" glory.

You may have been a bad person then
But now you are such a good man.
The way you raise those girls
the way you look at your beautiful wife.
The way you are always there for me.

You had a ****** 23 years of life
I wont argue that
I know whats in your past.

but Guess what?
its a new year
A fresh start.

Lets make 24 and on
Be filled with light
chase away those shadows.

Shadow man
Shadow Man
Come out and play
In the warm sun light.

She hurts
and she cries
but you cant see the depression in her eyes
Because she just smiles

She smiles at you
With big blue eyes shining
tell you
everything's fine,
everything's great

She smiles
but all she wants to do is cry
She pretends to be happy
But everything is crumbling inside

Every breath is a struggle
Every day is a war
and lately it seems like
she isnt winning it anymore.

But she puts on her smile
She forces out a carefree laugh
her upbeat perkyness.

But behind that smile
is a girl in pain
Behind that laugh
is a scream of sadness
Behind that perky
is depths of sorrow.

But
She hides it well
behind perfect
*smiles

At work
where I am nothing
but in the way
I dont fit in
Outcast.

At home
A place where I'm
nothing but a buden.
Third wheel
outcast.

At work
toyed with, looked down at
treated like a child.

At home.
Never good enough
Always saying the wrong thing.
Trying to fit into my family
that grew up without me.
It's to late in the game
For me to even try.

Tears spill out,
drama Queen
Over and over again
I am reminded that
This isnt where I am suppose to be.

I just want a place
To call my own.

I want a place
Somewhere To belong.

In this shed called life
there are many tools
and you My dear
are just one of many.

You feign intrest
in things I hold dear.
You pretend to like me
so what if just as friends.

But I can see past your lies
I can see past your flattery
You just want to use me
for your own sick
entertainment.

As the days go by
your intrest fades
and the truth starts to rise.

I knew from the begining
I knew your cruel sick game.
But I played along anyway
I knew the ending.

You're just another tool in the Shed
The shed called life.
I just wish
I hadnt been
the object
of
your
project.

"Which Chapter Should I continue to right?"

"Chapter three?"

"OW"

"Chapter Four?"

"OW"

"Chapter Five?"

"OW"

"I'm sorry
BUt I dont have
A chapter OW."

"You Need to make one!"

Poor Janie
All sunburnt
and in pain

all she can say to me is

*OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW

Ive met some
****** in my life

But YOU sir
Are a
*******
Cactus!

Itchy Itchy
Crawly bugs
running through your hair

1,2,3
pick em out
4,5,6
is it over yet?

Drown your head
nasty smelly shampoo
Attack on the
creepy crawlies

Itchy, itchy,
crawly bugs
Dead at your feet.

Creepy crawly
**FREE

Down to my last bit of strength
Walk out of work in sobbing tears
Start the hike home
half a mile
81 degrees

"Yo Panda you look beat"
I stop dead in my tract
That voice
It shouldnt be here.
Is it really here?

Afraid to hope
afriad to believe
Take a gulp of air
look up.
Am I seing things?

Chillign against a car
a smirk across his face
arms crossed
sunglasses oddly on
HAWK

Big brother Hawk
in all his dark glory
drove 8 hours give or take
just to make sure
I was ok.

Runnig into his arms
I cling to my big brother.
Wrapping them around me
lifting me up in a
big bear hug.

Safe, secure, peace.
In Hawks arms
I always feel
those three things
No matter what.

"You're safe now Panda,
I'm here for you,
You're not alone."
He whispers to me
And I know he means every word.

You dear lady
are easier then
The first level
Of Mario.

So I just heard that the KKK
Waz handing out candy down in South Carolina.
They left bags of candy on peoples doorstep
with a letter inside
asking for them to join.

SERIOUSLY???

Who in their right mind
would want to join them?

All they are is a bunch
a pathetic looking bullies
With sheets over their heads.

If they tried to come after me
I wouldnt run away from them
I'd be on the floor
laughing my *** off
at how stupid and pathetic they are.

Wait until the person is sleeping
sneak out the room
shhhhh
make sure you dont wake them up
Slip out of the house.
Its genious
Its perfect
The perfect ******* plan!!!

UNLESS

The person you are trying to ditch
Wakes up in the middle of the night
Screaming awake from a horrible nightmare.
They turn to apologize for waking you
Only to fine you are nowhere to be seen.

TO BAD
YOU DIDNT STICK AROUND

You missed the best part.
You missed the look of terror on their face
Slowly turn to hurt and betrayal
as the realization of what you did
Snapped into place.

You missed them curl up in a ball
huddling under their blanket
and cry themself to sleep.
All alone in a dark house.

The Fine art of ditching always has a price,
But its rarely ever seen.
Why is that?
Because the Ditcher never sticks around to see.

Never, ever, let anyone tell you what you can and can't do.
Prove the cynics wrong.
Pity them for they have no imagination.
The sky's the limit.
Your sky.
Your limit.
Now.
Let's dance.”

I call upon the great spirit
I call upon the Great Isis
Goddess of life I pray to you.

Give me the strength
to live this life,
this world of
dull grey despair.

Isis, great goddess
I am your humble follower,
I'm down on my knees
begging for your guidence.

I put this borken life
in your loving arms.

Please help me heal
Please help me stay strong.

Please goddess
I pray to you

In the past month or so
I've felt it coming
A breakdown.

Suicidal thoughts
claimed my mind
took up residence,
and starting planting thier seeds.

In the past month or so
I've tried to **** myself
not once
not twice
Hell not even three times

A grand total of
7 times.
Overdosing on asprin
Starving myself
cutting too deep
not even getting out of the way
when a car came a little to close
Hey the latest was
Exedrin.....
................. extra strentgh

I need help
I know I do.
But the thing is
I dont want to.

I dont want to live anymore.
I hate my pathetic life.
I'm sitting here at my cubicle
taking call after call
Trying so hard not to
show my tears to the people on the phone.

I give up

I GIVE UP

I'm sorry everyone
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was

Goodbye everyone

I am just one of Many
of Depression's mistress's
Depression is such a greedy man
He takes whomever he pleases
Men, women, teens, Elder
He's not picky, he doesnt care.

He will ****** you,
with sweet words.
Woe you until you swoon
he wont stop until he has you

His sweet words are a lie
they are candy coated posion
That will fill you with such a dread
it will leave you breathless and cold

He'll throw you away like trash
But first stealing all your happy memories
and replasing them with doom and gloom.

He will laugh at the tears he has caused
He will kick you and tell you its all your fault.

And once you think you are rid of him for good
He will sing his posioned song once more
and you will land right back into
the palm of his hand.

I am just one of many
of Depression mistress's
If you are one as well
I'm so sorry for your heartbreak

I'm so sorry
that Our sir
Is such a
Heartless
*******

She sinks to the floor,
Her tears she cant hold back anymore.
Her Grief pours out
Uncensured,Unrestrained
Feel to roam
and rake her brain.

In her hand she held a razor
The familair itch begins
the slow burn
the desire

She lifts her hand
Presses the cold metal
against her fragile skin
Right above her vien

She slices
From wrist
to elbow.
The Pain brings a smile
to her blue white lips.

The sleep hits her
dragging her under,
she lets the razor fall from her hand.

Laying back against the bed.
She closes her eyes
to rest a bit.

And then...........