Silky body
glistening leaf
the trees, alive, sing

I dress
modestly enough
to impress myself
I choose from two skins
show ******* or show legs
I've learned that doing both
makes you slutty
not my words
not my decision

I am not usually bothered
society is a fault
but then I remember
and get new examples
every time
I want to look nice
only for me

I am asked who I want to impress
I look attractive
not like every other day
and is there a man in my life
because I must only do this for him
yes, yes, you are sure
and I am an object

This reminds me of long ago
of a childhood halted
and of a different dark night
where my foolishness
caused me to suffer
always the fault of me
I always continue
to move forward

But these steps back
caused by greedy eyes and fingers
and sweaty palms and simple words
and nice gestures
never explicitly stated
these will all lead to me
disappointing someone
because I can not deliver anymore
that which has been taken from me

I carry the knowledge around always
I am not my own
I am pieces, scattered, taken
fleshy longings
I wonder if it is a lack of control
or a gesture of dominance
on their part
but it really doesn't matter

This is already reality
I exist solely for others
and I was never taught this
by my mother, who now mentions
I turned out wrecked
and horrible as a result of a childhood trauma
that I don't know how to fix inside of me

I want to give myself away
to any man who shows me a tiny
piece of the affection I crave
and it's dangerous
and I do not let myself know any man
I do not make friends
or talk to people more than necessary
and I don't even want to know
what they think of me
I fade into backgrounds
and behind white noise

I'm not even distraught
as this is my only choice

admire me
the way I brush paint on canvas
before the purpose finds a footing
before the colors melt together
and the scenery is lifeless
admire how I read books
for hours on end
the expressions that read on a dull face
otherwise marred by furrowed eyebrows
admire the lilt in my voice
and the uncontrollable pitch
that gives away my every intention unwillingly
admire my great feats of prose
my plump, woman body
my awkward hands and pretty clothes
admire me when I don't even come close
to tickling your fancy
admire me because I exist
dote on me and give me your wishes
admire me as I grant what I can with kisses
admire my nymphet desires
admire my candy coated lips
admire me and want me
admire me

I share the fault
with all the world
sheltered women who haven't heard
the division of society
more than young and old
the innocence of one
the truth of all
the escape that was mentioned
of life and love and thought
and the law who insisted
with no place to have undone
the time that's spent
blood shed as it went
no notice, nor crime
just warnings, every "this time..."
so society as a whole
each of their individual souls
made, to end, prescribed, then sent
along its path, too soon, too soon
a pre-destined night under a moon
and the lust of attraction
the haste of their actions

all death is meant to be
the hero is he, you see