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 Jan 2014 Farihah F
arubybluebird
the culture club mix-tape section from nylon magazine completes me. sometimes I don’t feel like capitalizing the first letter to the first word of a new sentence. feelings can be so useless sometimes. I use the word sometimes too much. I think I am in love with Keaton Henson. I think I have a crush on one of my co-workers. I’d rather have a crush than be in love with you, it’ll last a while longer that way. I like coffee mugs, they are so comfortable to drink out of, they make me feel safe. I like it better when you’re warm, I want to give you warm feelings. I remember this one time I wrote the saddest poem I've ever written during one of the saddest points in my life, I sat there with legs crossed on the cold ground of a dim hallway on the third floor of the humanities building at school. It was on a yellow blue-lined sheet of paper, I folded it in three, I left it there anonymously and fled. I’ll never know who found that piece of me, perhaps no one ever did. every day is another year. I’m sorry, I always end up writing too much. I’m sorry, for being quite a crap person sometimes, truly I am. There are many things I’ll live to be sorry about, but I've no fault for the words inside of my head. All tomorrow’s parties are dead. Listen to The Babies all night with me instead.

Oh darling, save a place for me in your heart.
 Jan 2014 Farihah F
Jacqui
Fear and panic sweep over me.
I need to move
but I'm paralyzed by my need for normalcy.
One pop of a pill and it will drift away,
and I will sleep.

But sleep is for the weak,
or is sleep for the week?
That's what my body
bounces back and forth between.
There is no middle.
No start.
Eventually an End.

The inner meaning of desire
bounces from my heart to my head,
as if it is the ball in a pin ball machine.
I try to fight off this anxious feeling,
though it is a chemical imbalance in my brain.
Why do I fight with the chemicals in my body?

I fight to feel normal.
I fight to not rely on a simple pop of a pill that my doctor gives me.
She tells me to take it when I need it, she trusts me.
Sometimes I feel that trust is too much.
Because this anxiety is a metaphor for life,
and I know that problems cannot be solved, by one simple solution.
I fight to be strong.
1/9/2014
Strange strings of thought.
Thoughts of loyalty and love,
thoughts of friendship and of ambition
and my condition;
thoughts of submission of subtraction and addition.

Unravel the secret of the continent,
oh how you are persistent.
The road uncoils and I uncoil down the pavement.
Off i go.
Twisted days of golden glow.
Off I go, into the black hole
of the road.
 Dec 2013 Farihah F
unadored
cries from my soul are poems
echoing beauty, tainted with sadness
hollow words, empty being
my body ruining my mind
my mind ruining my body
trapped in a void of self-hate
longing for the key to escape
a wilting flower, kept alive only by the raindrops escaping my eyes
on the cusp of existence.
wrote this a while back
 Dec 2013 Farihah F
tayler
broken
 Dec 2013 Farihah F
tayler
traveler of souls, a
looking glass shattered,
the infected cracks
murmur to my eyes,
telling me more
about myself
than the
reflection.
 Dec 2013 Farihah F
Traveler
Have you anything nice to say
Or shall we stay locked in this hate maze
I'm trying but you're stuck in anger
I feel sick and I can't kick this uneasy feeling
Do you even give a ****
Do you want me to suffer
Well I am not well
And you're not helping
 Dec 2013 Farihah F
an artist
I have been so tired lately, and even more so lonely
I try to muffle the screams of my loneliness with a soft bed, warm blankets and a pillow to hold onto
Nothing feels alright without you, and hardly anything feels alright with you
We can be described as two people talking at the same time in a conversation, but instead of laughing about it we become sad and bitter with ourselves and with the other
I wish things weren't this way.
I am tired with an angry sadness and you are tired with a guilty blame-fullness that resides deep in both of us
I love you so much
But I am so tired

I want to wrap myself around you and dissolve into you, warming your skin and holding your heart
I don't want things to be like this
I want both of us to be happy with each other

— The End —