Of course I’m salty
I am the Ocean
Incarnate

I don’t know how to say it
adequate writing escapes me
but I’m suddenly relieved
to call myself a stranger to you
I barely recognize your face
it’s configuration of features
has finally faded
And I find I really would have hated
being friends

Do you,
See me?
Have you watched,
How the sun
Turns my curls golden red?
Do you desire to know me?
Have you felt happy,
To see,
My *******,
And curves of eye lashes?
Do you remember,
My voice?
Have you given me,
More than a glance?
Do you know,
When I am near you?
Are you happy that I came,
And sad that I went?
Is there anything,
That draws you to me,
But you are shy,
Like me?

You’re so black and white
when I look at you
Like a creative charcoal canvas
like exquisite dot work
like the shades and shadows of a skeleton
You show me the world is still beautiful without color

Oh human
so glorious and grand
I sigh in awe
as I stare into this nebulous navel
So full!
and yet so ready to hold more
That is the loveliness of You
every one of you
every one of you glorious and grand

Poise and rationality
I think we can all agree
are key characteristics of Queens
but I’m starting to fear
that these things will never darken my door
thrown open wide to the wind as it is
No
The shadows that darken my halls are different

It’s nice to know
without you saying so
That you never loved me
It’s nice to know you were
as in the dark as me
It’s nice to know that it’s ok
Go and love another

Pushes back the heavy doors of isolation
And suddenly you’re surrounded by warm
sunlight
shining through an endless open room
filled with gauzy pastel rainbows
flowing down upon you
like the most delicate of curtains

I’ve seen my inner lady
dressed in long, flowing organzas
she’s standing on the edge of sea cliffs
or the middle of empty, rolling hills
while pastel clouds flow past her legs
and pain ripples her hair
I think my soul feels stuck
like legs locked in position
almost exposed in sheer fabrics
the touch of sorrow has softened to a breeze
but endlessly caresses my being
beauty brushes my fingertips
and wraps around my torso
but it’s like passing petals on the wind
nothing enters in deeper

How I love the curls in the mane of the dark horse
dripping down his back like a black waterfall
The obsidian of his eyes matches the soot of my palms
His quivering nostrils like my quivering heart

Can I wait the hope?
Stay afloat?
On such seas again?
Will I dare?
To ever wear?
This heart upon my sleeve?
I searched the dials on our chests,
And look, it reads, Time Yet,
But rocks ahead, I bet,
No saying when the twilight falls,
And stars come out above our heads,
No vivid golden ones by us I see,
Except ourselves, are we to be?

Your laugh lines
leave imprints in my heart
like the feet of birds on the sand
washed away with the next wave

May you forever drip golden lyrics from your lips
ambrosia melodies from your fingertips
May dancing never leave your feet

little whisper
wisdom soul
I’ll listen to your quiet voice

I have dreamed of many boys,
And I come to realize,
That it is only natural,
To fall in love a couple times,
A few, a lot, have left forever marks,
Upon my heart, which I will not forget,
As I do not now,
Impressions I find, lift a little every day,
And linger now like fingerprints
Or bits of paint,
Flung down in happy play
That make me who I am.
There is nothing to regret,
Even if my wish was not granted,
And it seems too late,
To love only once . . .
And love forever.

So I’ve been reading poems
and crying gently
My soul sore from stretching more than usual today
this week
it’s been quite nice, but
apparently my soul could limber up

at just the thought
that you might possibly be there
a figure to my left
my closed eyes
not daring to make sure
my heart
silently trying to convince myself that you couldn’t possibly have come this morning
Light filled me
Like oil pouring into an almost empty lamp
Like a warm, anointing
spreading down from the crown of my head
my tired legs could stand again
my tired voice sang strong again
my weary heart felt glad again
The figure to my left
was just a boring, disappointing stranger
and I wondered at how quickly I had changed
all it took was a tiny thread of hope
to fill me with life
this little selfish desire for your presence
Couldn’t I find a better way to bring this light unto myself?

some woman
Most
are born hellfighters
The heat grows and ebbs along with the ******
a good mother hands her daughter a strong hose
tells her not to fight alone
keep your body strong and you’ll survive
to put out many, many fires

Be a Voice, Not an Echo
plainly blazoned print on orange
and I see that my whole life
has been me gasping
through echoes
to find my own rasping throat
and finally produce
my own sound
for once
and begun
now in a never ending fight
to speak a different color
than the ones I’ve seen before

the quicker you cry
the faster your face will be dry
And your mind clear again

To all the boys I’ve loved
my downfall was your eyes
I looked into those pools of light
Brown, grey, blue, and Hazel
and saw an endless soul
What vision of greatness stretched out before me?
waves of wonder
For each individual is filled with unfounded gems!
the corals of the deep I long to see
To dive and find such treasure is my favorite past time
But the winds of the outside world have wrecked me
Left me broken back upon my shore
in the waters of men
I’ve ventured in the farthest
Great Tsunamis threw me out
corrupted by great cracks
Tremors shudder in deepest pools
and burst!
into the heart of the diver
who learns that pearls can still be found in tranquil seas
But your eyes still haunt me
the hues of adventure leak out of organized, locked away tubes
whenever my nervous fingers find the end of the rope of present projects
and I long for the salt of the deep

You cannot hunger and thirst for righteousness
until you have hungered and thirsted
To gain in spirit is to lose in flesh
No one learns a deep lesson from a place of comfort

so I settled on you
And I know I’m scared
I hope you are too
But maybe I’m just desperate
Maybe I didn’t want to search anymore
There’s no denying you’re wonderful
But . . .
Maybe I’m tired
Maybe I’m wrong
I’m afraid to clear my throat and talk about myself
like
“Well, I!”
when you didn’t want to ask or know

I dream of you
then think about looking up definitions for love

No matter the path I take
Grace and Living water greet me

A need emerges
a need to be among the wild
lay down and soak among the grasses
fall into an endless sky
crying with release
and the gamey taste of joy
Leave me to the wolves and antelope
Goodbye trees, my old friends
I need to be alone

I stare down a deep well
Old memories still accessible as a blur of pain
Like an open wound it smells of danger
every time I walk this way
Time has yet to fill it in with the dust and dirt of life in the trenches
And I visit much too often
for things to settle as they would
I’m sure they could
But they don’t
I keep sifting
like sand the memories rub my senses raw again
Long ago I decided it was worse to remember any good or neutral thing about you
For a moment it was a balm
but then like everything else it was just a bludgeon in the palm of the demon responsible for my torture
Anger is just as strong a tie as Love
and sometimes calls back to Her
when the heat subsides and I wonder what irrationality I have committed in those fierce moments
If my resentment be half-lies
so is every infatuation
I have committed to resentment as a safer place

When battle positions are none too desirous, one still must choose between them

in a moment of weakness
comes whispering strength
Who taught you
to regret each last message
to them who said goodbye?
it was not I who left
and I should not leave a bitter taste
upon my own tongue
when all my words were contrived of sweetness

I win
I’m free
I’m proud of me

Like a day without music,
A week without birds,
Is a day without Your Words,

Like a week without mornings,
A day without night,
Is a day lived not in Your Sight,

Like a rainbow without color,
A finger without its palm
Is a life without Your Calm

You melt me with your kisses, and wrap me in your arms,
You rock me gently, and I know I am safe from all harms,
Your Peace stands at the door, and Joy watches my heart,
You called me to dance, to teach me a step, You let me be a part

I held your hands for the first time today
And I loved them
Your palms stretch out
So wide!
So strong!
Wide enough to wrap around mine with an inch to spare
Strong enough to hold them and calm my fears
Like those of a great bear
they complete you

Oh! the glorious sails rising on the breeze
I’ve come this time to watch
and not be seen

I’m a lover in a white blazer
Rocking rose pink shades
I’m surrounded by people with ***** hands
and I have no ability to discern the grime of lovers palms
until they’ve brushed over me enough to drown out the cold scars
and I see new stains over my heart

I watch smoke curl up from a brick chimney
as light snow drifts down in the illumination of bright windows
I admire the carefully crafted red eaves
and notice how cleverly the columns of the wrap around porch have been carved to resemble primeval forests
Warm air leaks out from the house and comes to caress my frozen face
I never considered staying in this country until I saw that home
and now I stand
conflicted in my Winter Wandering

Life is full,
of short companions,
And beauty transient,
a friend,
that is seen for a week,
But loved for a year,
like a gifted rose,
whose petals are remembered,
scent lingering in the mind.

it’s breaks upon my consciousness
another cycle
reaches low
disappointed I hear the sirens begin again
but it’s slower this time
and I soon stop trying to remember brushing up against the alarm
stepping across invisible boundaries
disrupting security lasers
it was never my fault
just as it isn’t now

I do not eat poetry
I take it as a digestive aid

Every time you smile
another flower blooms inside me
You are like water
pouring on a prepared field
Rising up the little plants which were so carefully seeded

What I love to tell everyone is
how Jaye loves me
and that's because I find it
hard to believe that he loves me
that anyone would love
me
is a surprise
every time
but I don't know why anyone wouldn't love  you
or wouldn't love me
and I don't see you different than me
but at the same time
I do
And I know it's that fallen flesh in me
that dissonance
that screams a lack of harmony
that says I'm too ugly
to make it up to greatness
I'm not worthy to reach out and take this
I'm tempted to think it's all fakeness
and though he never speaks a lie
the feeling behind it changes
and I tie my mind up
and my heart runs down the hall
but I've locked the door
I've locked them all
because You tell me it's real
It doesn't matter what I feel
this moments not a day
And I will stay
Until I feel okay
Sometimes it takes a week for me to really know
oh, many words it's takes for him to show
(this ain't no present with a shiny bow)

I’ve learned so much since you’ve arrived
And it’s all about being calm
and listening to my heart

I guess it was consistency
that made your shallowest love
warm my heart the most
it’s nice to have a constant
a backdrop of blue sky
always there
somewhere behind the clouds
It helped me see the beauty of the deeper loves
God loves me like the stars
enduring far longer than your transient
azul atmosphere
most visible in dark
the little diamonds come popping out
twinkling
singing
Always the same beautiful songs
and my heart learns to listen
and sings along

I’ve lost count . . .
no, I never cared to count
I never do
I don’t know how many . . .
Perfect fantasies I’ve created
now forgotten
A dozen alabaster jars I’ve painted
the roses faded
A hundred jeweled webs I’ve spun
the prism raindrops dried away
leaving dusty silken remnants
All vague reminder of the hopes
The joys I’d wished I had
All dashed
And I feel kind of like a spider that’s never left her corner

I think I’m developing
a beautiful selfishness for you