The deepest wounds have healed
and only the surface of my heart is bleeding
the skin still too pinky fresh to endure
the falls that courage brings me

I looked in the mirror
massaging my face with brightening oils
I noticed an old pimple scar as I smiled
purple spot under my mouth
almost deep enough to be a pinprick dimple
Cute, really
somehow that little dot of beauty
became to me an epiphany
And I realized
that the way I’ve always waited
is more than a scar, than a beauty mark
more than inspiration
for bleeding art
It’s an important part
it takes a key place in my preparation
for life and what’s meant for me

I chose my position
apparently too firmly
Dug myself in like I was an iron fence post
meant to last a decade in that square foot of soil
Time to change my position
but I never learned to dig myself out
I always stood in the same spot for years and gave myself away to the slow journey of erosion
But I declare it’s not enough this time
waiting for erosion was never good enough

They don’t know I never walked away
I never stood up at once and shook off the dust of a thousand thoughts and deliberations
like extra sprinkles on a plate
I never walked away
I used to suffer night and day
in all kinds of weather
waiting for the rain and wind to wear
away the trench I’d built from my own words
I still wonder if it was the words that trapped me
How can I cut through my own diction and throw them away like old chains?
Oh, beautiful fetters
I have loved with so many intricate letters
and I cannot let them just fall to the ground
But I will hold my breath and let them go
as I let go all my childhood scribbles
float away like feathers
on a gentle breath

I went to lay on my bed
and let my emotions seep into the sheets
weeping feelings
How does standing in Your waterfall of love
seem like not enough?
gallons cascade down upon me
Yet I’m empty
You knew standing in an outside love
would never be enough
So You placed the source in me
Remind me, God
I AM River