i was too young to see the stupidity of it
hoping and praying i would die quickly and painlessly
******* on the life i was meant to have
counting the pills that would be the death of me
never knowing what would come next
shaking, crying, i swallowed those ****** pills
i passed out on my bed with a smile on my face
and i dreamed that i would never wake up
i guess i was wrong
i was really ******* wrong
i woke up and cursed all the heavenly beings i knew
and the smile on my face turned into a scowl
now i realise the stupidity of it
i guess
i’ll just have to wish to get run over or something

i keep telling myself i'm moving on
that i don't love you any more
but these paper boats keep drifting to you
and i know that i'm too far in
to swim back to shore.
my eyes keep drooping closed but my hands won't stop moving, i need to keep writing,
can't get enough of you, i told you how much i loved you and you let me go

When you capture a pinprick of light
And let it glitter in your hand
the seconds you can keep it burning
Are so much more precious
than
       what
comes
        after.

After months spent counting raindrops
On two panes of glass,
We met in a twisted café
full of young women
And I swallowed my tongue.
and hoped I could listen
To you talk
of the ropes round your hands
When all I needed was time.
of your dreams and your plans.
When I
      just
wasn't
       Fine.

I saw you cycle away.
The silhouette of you, black under streetlight.
Is my dreams every day.
       Yet a part of me knew
It was just
   a silhouette
     of you.
And id spent far too long
      chasing shadows.

The ghost of a dying flame is
Smoke that exists for a second.
    But it explodes into
          something
  Brighter.

i see you in the stars and the clouds.
i see you in the trees and
i hear you in the flowers.
i see your face in my dreams and i lose you in my nightmares.
whenever your arm or knee brushes against mine everything turns to gold-
but just for a split second
and as you turn away i realize i'm not really over you

how ******* unfortunate
that the one opportunity i had to kiss you was the day that my lips were stuck together
like an alcoholic’s lips are pressed against an empty glass of red wine; never enough,
always waiting for that one last drop of satisfaction
and how ******* unfortunate that i had to go and spend all day
writing letters to you that i'd never post
and painting my arms red like they were a canvas
i guess it’s kind of my fault that it’s so ******* unfortunate how whenever you're finally there i'm too terrified of your eyes to say hello
how
*******
unfortunate

i need someone i feel at home with
someone who smiles genuinely and laughs for real
i hope you find someone better than me
and that you don’t spend all day praying for a cure
i hope you’re doing better than i am