My soil is intertwined
With hope and hatred
There are either two sides-
No In the middle

Where the Truth is denied
And people go back to their bubbles of politics & emotions
Where we are all divided
By labels, ignorance & arrogance

People sing in choruses
Not willing to find common ground
Just wanting to prove whose wrong
-No

Trying to win & dominate
The cultural world & ethics
Where honesty is shamed
And everyone asks themselves,
How did this happen?

11/14/16

I’ve been living in fear these past months.
I’ve been treading slowly,
Trying to figure out what’s next
Trying to navigate a world of possibilities
As the Fear of the

Unknown creeps in.

As I take a step into the direction of a beautiful future,
I question whether or not I deserve it
I question If I’m on the right path,
And if I belong there
But most importantly, If I’m with the right people
I Fear

Loneliness.

As I continue to find my community and form relationships,
I fear this feeling will be the bane of my existence
And nothing in this world could amount
To filling this hole, that’s inside of me
Alienation taints me as I see the clock moving
I Fear

Time.

It’s our greatest enemy.
I often wonder if my life will be pressured by it
I wonder if time will somehow make me less authentic
With my approach with life by Forcing myself to live it at its “fullest”
And this somehow results to the fear of,  

Greed.

Not enough Time to see through all the possibilities
You see, I’m selfish. I want to know every outcome of every choice
And how it’ll benefit me
I Fear that I’ll be too busy trying to fill up my needs
And ignoring what’s in front of me
Fear that my humbleness is gone and the authenticity fades away
By the time I close my eyes, for eternity.
I fear,

Death.

What legacy will be left behind?
Will my perseverance be recognized
By having these fears, push me to be a better person,
Or how I let them control my essence
By not allowing myself to be in the moment
I fear

Regret.

To live a life always questioning,
Feeling lonely, a mental slave to my head
Letting time pass me by,
Only to be feign and egocentric.
Regretting this life and moving on
To the next
With a bigger hole than the last one.
A restless soul that goes into this cycle,
Each hole bigger than the last life,
Eventually joining the abyss.

I want a Garden of Flowers.
I want Tulips and Roses that bleed red
When the rain hits
Their petals fall on the ground
Just in time for the wind to come,
And make them dance

I want the birds and the bees
To make the most out of my fertile seeds
I want my flower’s honey to be the sweetest,
When it’s in your mouth

I want Daisies and Lavenders
That blossom under the sun
With roots so deep, they touch the earth’s crust
I want Mother Nature to call me,
Her daughter  
Yes, I want a garden of flowers

I want Asters and Chrysanthemums
That sprout when everything is gone
I want the children to marble
At how they blossom

Where wedding planners come to my door
Or mankind comes to pluck off their stems,
To give to their lover
After making them cry
Yes, I want my florals
To be a reason for someone to smile

I want Poppies that grow
On my empire of dirt
And after everything has departed,
A new cycle has started.

The day has passed,
The night has come
The stars, they dance
When there's no one around
The Earth it spins,
Like there's nothing wrong
The moon it shines,
Even though I'm gone.

If you were a God,
I would build a church for you
I'd preach of your existence
And tell everyone,
to search for you

And If you were a Prophet,
I would follow you
into the sea like Moses
Because if you were a Religion,
The whole world would stop to listen,
To the melodies I'd sing

You would be my Salvation
I would build a shrine for you
And only want to hear whatever you say
I would kneel down and Pray,
that you love me,
the same way.

Enough luck to brighten your way
And enough pain,
Because without it,
You won't feel like you're living

I wish you enough

Enough mistakes to learn
And enough sadness,
To experience
What makes us catious

I wish you enough

Enough love to be happy
And enough fortune
To enjoy,
The small things that life has to offer

I simply wish you enough

Enough to make you happier.

I can only imagine the pain you have
All the signs and yet,
Everyone was oblivious
We pushed you so far away,
That there was no time for mending
Or goodbyes

I’m sure the thought of suicide
Has crossed your mind,
More than a thousand times.
So sickening to think…

I tried so hard to help you
In the many ways one could.
I never judged you…from the bottom of my heart, I love you.

I love a poor soul that is
Frail, Hurt, Alone
A soul that no Hospital could fix.
A soul I watch grow,
A soul that lost their way home
So sickening to think…

That we sleep peacefully at night
Knowing you’re maybe fine, maybe safe
So sickening to think…

Your birthday passed,
And no one blinked
While I was thinking of you all day
And hoped you got cake
So sickening to think…

I can’t sleep at night.

Flashbacks of your face.

You and I combined,
We will make eternal pride
With our bones decaying underground,
We will form bonds of roots
Full of beauty.

Denying your existence,
Would be telling the flowers of the sun
To only look for growth under the moon
For there’s no way a sunflower 🌻
Could live without the sun’s pattern

But,

If at each night the flowers awake,
They will always face east
Secretly anticipating the suns return
For the warmth of its rays,
Is what truly comforts them when they sleep


Oh my love,

Denying you,
Would be like separating the ocean
With concrete walls
The seven seas would never cross
And only know one or two shores

But,

With each wave that comes,
And the erosion that sets in,
They carry an energy of a thousand lifetimes
Proving there’s nothing that could stop the flow of a life,

With you.

No matter how much I deny,
I am still madly in love
With the one who tore me up,
Yet fixed me at the same time.

You say I’m yours
And that our beating hearts are meant to be
But the truth is, they’re not
I belong to nobody.

My existence is not for you
It’s for the Seven Seas,
And for the Moon that glows

My heart isn’t meant for a single soul
It’s for the Earth to consume
And for the Sun to warm

My decaying bones won’t be for you to woe
They’ll be for the wind to blow,
And for the Trees to grow.

When a woman says she loves you,
She is inviting you to her world
Where not only her flesh & bones
But her everlasting soul,
Blossoms from purity & hope

Whether it be woman to man,
Or woman to woman,
She has chosen to give you a chance

A chance in the sense that her sun,
Will provide the energy you need to function & her air
Becomes your oxygen
As You slowly become her universe

When a woman falls for you,
She makes her body your temple
Decorated with whatever you please
Because her mindset is only focused on one thing and that is,
Making sure your happy and content

When she lets you in her walls,
She is only expecting the essence of love
& the undivided attention
Of another human being
Who can offer her more then just words

When a woman says she loves you,
She is offering her soul
& everything her heart has left.

Dec. 2016

We want ourselves,
When it comes to life or love

But when it comes to Death,
You are all I Want.

You left a piece of yourself in my front door step.
Where a loquat tree grows, where my tears fell.
And you see,
Rain came just in time to wash a bit of us away.
It washed away all of you, that was left inside of me.

You left a piece of yourself in Harbor Drive
A restaurant that doesn’t exist anymore
And I thank God,
That worked out just fine.

There’s a lot of you in the streets of Downtown
Where Gaslamp’s trolley lead to your house
Where we ran all the way to Seaport Village,
To the house across Grape Street
From where you first said, you Loved me

And there’s a piece of you in every corner
Of my neighborhood, your neighborhood
I can’t go back to Chula Vista without wincing every time I pass your exit
In fact I can still see your bedroom every time I close my eyes.

No I can never do that.
You are all over
From where the beach stretched,
To the mountains of Cowles
To where the borderline finished,
To where we never got a chance to explore together.

You left a piece of yourself in me.
Where a flower still lies within.

You left a piece of yourself In my front doorstep.
Where my tears fell on a loquat tree
And the rain came just in time to wash us away
Only to grow what I couldn’t with you.

March 4, 2019.