When I let loose the words that my heart and mind know, and they run wild upon paper or screens, the place has no value. They dance themselves free in classrooms, on porch steps, in friend's bedrooms, on roofs, in my bed, in hallways, on car rides, and other places where I need to let things flow. My expression is best when I have notes, from instruments and voices, passing through my ears. Letting free what rampages in my heart, in my mind, and behind my eyes, allows me to recognize how I really feel, and the truest things about my life. Without the words that leak out, I would be even more lost than I always am.

I reflect on my recent youth,
And realize,
I chase empty husks,
Seeking a love I’ve never felt.
I suppose I have always known,
Always seen that I seek home in others.
Perhaps it was home,
Once,
Or twice,
But if it was,
It was built in lust,
And their luck.
An object in their eyes,
And they a god in mine-
Not once did I fall because it was convenient,
It was quite the contrary,
Really.
My lust is a reflex,
A cry for love,
Not this petty game,
Of white lies I am often subjected to.
Feeding into your fantasies,
To get what they seek.
I feel like a plaything,
That sweet, behaved BabyDoll.
A pawn on their tabletop
And willingly, too,
Title upon my collar.
Ashamed, I am,
Of this toy I become,
For boys who claim to be in love.

You say you raised me

But you didn't.

All you did

was break me.

You entirely changed me.

You shattered my soul.

You turned me into a pitiful,

Shameful girl.

You are no Father,

But rather a monster

Who has rights to me.