We bump
Did he look?
He didn't.
He must have.
Check his eyes
Is he staring?
Why not?
Why would he?
His lips are chapped
Mine are not
Is he looking?
Did he notice?
They're so warm
They're so lonely
Does he care?
Is he watching?
Tell a joke
Is he laughing?
He is!
He's laughing!
And we bump
Did he like it?
Did he linger?
Did he blush?
He didn't.
He must have.
Why not?
Why would he?

And you're a tremor through the
nerves of my body
And you're an echo in the grooves of
my brain
And every color turns grey under
moonlight
And every breath I take is laced with
the pain
They attack me when I close my eyes
Attach their membranes to the fuses
in my ribs
I host the terrors in my heart like a
lavish hotel,
But they rip me apart all the same

The Bear
It's a castle of unhappy livestock
Groaning and grueling, they march to
their death camps
Eight times a day
Lime tile littered with the waste of
human embarrassment
We are animals here, we have no
shame
I was drunk in September
His tongue danced on my neck
Left a mark like a raspberry flame
I hope he never kisses me again

2. The Fire
It's October now
I ache, still,
It echoes in the hollow pockets of my
skull
Ringing back again, over and over
Time drops dead
He misspells his words
I can't get enough
He wraps his lips around my name
Like a package,
Doesn't say how it tastes

3. The Earth
He isn't, shouldn't, wasn't,
couldn't.
He's logic, he's science
But I wanted thunder
Shallow pools, blue and cold
collect in his eyes
I can see my reflection
It's ugly
He says happy birthday
Four minutes past midnight

i drink
not to forget,
but to relive
my former life; my spotless mind
i drink to see
the other me, before
the pills and knives
and screaming cries
the first time that his freckled eyes
and freckled lips entwined in mine

And again I enter
with cloudy tears
like a hot foggy weight
suspended in my throat
the walls painted a sickly sweet
lilac, the color of slimy facade
envelopes my pathetic form
A muted anger hangs tensely
from my muscles, but I
collapse, solemn raindrops running
slow and warm like blood
Nobody can find me here
I lock the door, and scribble upon
the walls of my home
syrupy words of comfort
to be my only
companion

and all of a sudden
i can breathe again

i said i'd hurt her
rip her body apart
i meant every word
crazy as i am
and your arms
steady, strong as marble
when was the last time
they held me