Even sunflowers grow tired of
praising the sun when it rises
and mourning it when it sets.

he told me, "put down the cigarette,"
worried i'd get sick.
i looked at him with regret,
craving nicotine like a nervous tick.
we left around half past twelve,
just to clear the air,
leaving my heart on the shelves.
he asked, "is this really fair?
breaking my heart this way?"
he reiterated his worry.
and i laughed it all away
"don't fret, my honey.
i'm clean and new.
my heart has been glued
and is no longer in two.
i'm eating my food -
see look! my ribs!
they're aren't as pronounced.
maybe one day we really can have kids."
his hand held mine as he denounced
that i was still no good
i was still no better
than before emotions would flood
his heart, i still his debtor.
so on i went,
forward to the waves,
and on this pole i leant,
until i came to with sun's rays...
and i became one with the sea.
she is more than i would ever be.

but all i could think of

when you dropped me off

was how i wanted you -

yet in the most innocent ways…

i wanted you

to wake me up with your soft groans

as you stretched out each limb.

i wanted you

to warm my always frigid body

with your ever warming grace.

i wanted you

to listen on the bad days,

and laugh on the good days.

i wanted you

to trace my skin with your fingertips,

and not hesitate near my scars. 

i wanted you

for so many reasons,

but none of them were good enough

for you to stay.

sometimes i wonder what the point of living is. 
we watch our elders perform the same tasks each day. go to work, come home, eat, pay bills, sleep, and repeat. every. day.

for me, i would never be satisfied by that. i want to go and… just go. i don’t care where.
i want to meet people and be known for something big and DO something great. 

but then the pessimist inside my brain laughs at my naïvety and mocks my heart for ever thinking i could be something great. and my guts are too much a coward to end this painful routine.

i've got about 110,000 hairs on my head,
and half of them are in your bed.
i'm not quite sure why this occurs -
but i think we should head upstairs.

i think i saw you in my dreams,
but that's not really how it seems...
'cause i awoke to you here with me,
so i won't complain - just let it be.

you took me to meet your family,
i accepted, begrudgingly.
they scooped me in with one swift swoop,
as i tried to jump through all their hoops.

i think i saw you in my dreams,
but that's not really how it seems...
'cause i awoke to you here with me,
so i won't complain - just let it be.

driving late at night,
you hold my hand and make it right.
with a single smile and flick of your charm,
i know you'll protect me from any harm.

i know i saw you in my dreams,
but don't wake me, just hold me, please.

at some point in my life,
a bitter seed was planted in my veins -
or perhaps it had been there all along,
and its roots slowly raced toward my heart?
all i'm certain of is this;
i'm not the person i
used to be.
i've hurt too many people
and done too many unacceptable deeds,
and thought too many negative thoughts
to continue with my life at
this same
pace
in which i exist.

life's a whole lot more complex than
dreams, tea, and poetry.
maybe one day i'll wake up and realise
i'm not growing any younger.

Yet with every flicker
of my heart (which
mirrors
the flickers of his eyes),
I know that it is not right.
We are not right.
But how could that be so?
He makes me feel loved
and wanted
and beautiful
and so protected.
Everything you
didn't make me feel.

Yet with every flicker
of my eyelashes
meeting his reassuring gaze,
I know he is more
than you could ever have been.