all the mothers
     strong enough
          to be a father too.

I wish you would take me and make me your own
and I wish you and I could run away together
to our own tiny, unknown paradise
a land to call our own and a love to call perfect
me and you, two teenage **** ups with
nothing left but each other
you and me, though young and foolish,
perfect for each other
but our love was always under the weather
we were never going to be perfect
'cause you were never going to be in love
with a shy sad girl who you little acknowledge
but I love you with all of my heart
and I really hope you see that
you blank me out like I am nothing because
that's the honest truth
I really am a nobody to you
but I love you
and that's all that counts
and I hope when you're alone
and you have no one else to think about
I cross your mind
from time to time
and I hope you smile slightly

Spending intangible dollars at the mercy of my ever growing appetite,
Instead of buying my ticket out of this perfectly advantageous country,
Which focuses solely on my beauty and money.
I neglect my inner advice telling me to drop it all and run,
To where I can breathe and focus on God,
Promoting a healthier way of living and improving humanity.
Momentary hope that unrealistically characterizes perfection
As a quality that I can mentally download and miraculously make the above, true,
Never seems to linger long enough to actually induce action,
Which leads to disappointment draining the motivation essential to recover my missing pieces,
Which pushes me to crave cash I don’t have, to pick up that dose,
That hushes the unwarranted guilt that seduces me into thinking that I’m not incredibly blessed,
And that I can’t handle what I’ve been dealt,
Blurs the doubts I have about my abilities, my self- worth,
Forcing me into a state of content that awakens my creativity,
While vaguely being able to make out memories of let down led by myself and my mother,
Who was a part of what was never good enough for my idea of a perfect family.
I’ve wrongly accepted that a mediocre life-performance is to be had while following the crowd,
While obsessing over flaws that are negligible to my true purpose in life,
And with that I’ve become stifled by the decision to remain effortlessly stuck.

I am pulsating with all my
Life I’m living,
Smiling so hard my cheeks ache at the way,
You look at me, you look that way,
Exuberant and gushing about the feeling
Heavy in the air grasping at my uncertainty
And pulling it down leaving behind something more revealing,
A more vivid vital version of myself,
I feel so grand right now,
Every bit of me living out the beat
I don't even understand why your here or how..
but It's perfect,
your smile says it was totally worth it
Effervescently setting free these wild feelings
I couldn't feel in me.
Moving through my limbs in perfect motion,
against your breathing, into
your irrevocable smile hidden in
your perfect aura tasting of ecstasy,
come closer be next to me.
share yourself
in this moment I know your quite a bit shy but,
let me feel your freedom.
I love the way I’m feeling and the sweet words when you say them.
I happily bathe in the subtle things your pouring over me,
And my rhythm, on my skin, and I like
The way you peek over my shoulder
Its nice,
How I feel you falling and
Just keep the beat,
Just keep mouthing the lyrics
Like a poem, every single one because you know em
Nodding your head with that smile on your face
Nothing matters more than that,
Don’t let me go in this moment
Seriously please
Just dance
Like this is our only chance
With all these feelings fleeting take the leap
Take my hand find the beat,
Just dance...

The sky is masked
with billows of gray clouds
that have made their journey from the north
and move without haste
about the Gateway to the West.

No bird casts its silhouette
against the dreary backdrop,
and rain falls
like tears from our eyes:
two wanderers
hands interwoven,
trying to find a place to call home
so our weary feet can rest.

Oh, we are prone to wander.

She rests her head on my shoulder,
her soft brown hair falls
gently across her amber green eyes.
I rest my head on hers,
and we are timeless.

She whispers: "Everything is going to be okay"

I drive west
and she drives east
and rivers and roads
finally fall between us again.

The sky breaks its masquerade
and the gray dissipates
and the blue is radiant.
The birds take flight,
their wings directed toward
the four winds-
no concern for
northsoutheastwest.

I look up and whisper:

*"Everything is going to be okay"

People want to do something great.
They want to write novels and join the army
and cure cancer and raise a family.
But when all is said and done,
the greatest thing you could ever do
is volunteer at your local soup kitchen.

In a town full of good people
I have to be bad.
I have to smoke cigarettes behind the church during lunch.
But in a world full of bad people
I have to be good.
I have to carry to butts in my pocket and throw them in a dumpster.
I have to be bad.
I have to steal handles of ***** from Safeway.
I have to be good.
I have to recycle the bottles when I'm done.
I have to steal my fathers Vicodin.
I have to buy him coffee at least once a week.
I have to sleep during math class.
I have to stay up 'till 4, studying.
I have to be loud when I'm drunk.
I have to keep my mouth shut when I'm sober.
****, I forgot  which ones were good and which ones were bad.

passes
in a flash of famous last words.
An extravagant way of
going out in style
that is only witnessed
by those stargazers,
spread out amongst
layers of blankets,
that are lucky enough
to be watching
without
blinking.

Too many thoughts
But
Nothing to think about.
I don't even wear black eyeliner,
Why did I put it on?
I think this ***** ......... me again
Why do i feel so nauseous?
Open a dictionary
What's the definition of cautious
If the protection of my heart
Is always the preliminary.
That song
(our song)
Explodes into the dark
Frightening me;
Elightening me;
Heightening my senses to a free falling array.
This time.
Every time.
Lingerie?

The grey cold
lingers in the bitter air
and snow falls like ghosts
declaring here will be a sufficient place to haunt.

I wake up
A time to seek and an time to lose
not to the birds
a time to mourn and a time to dance
or the sun shining through the blinds,
a time to keep silent and a time to speak
but to banshee sobs
a time to weep and a time to laugh
and voices that were once intertwined.
a time to love and a time to hate

I stare
out the window
and onto the unrelenting days
of December Timing-
a time to keep and a time to cast away;
a time to tear and a time to sew.

For everything, there is this season.
For every matter under the sun, there is this time.

I want to stretch my broken wings
a time to die
and fly toward the hidden, hopeful
light of day that is masked behind
the gray cold.

*a time to be born