~have you ever drowned?

metaphorically or literally?

~does it matter?

*i guess not

Is there a difference
A difference between
a and e
Between
The way I breathe
And the way you see

A difference between
Fulfillment
And
Purpose?

A difference
Which is worth more
Than a thought?

The light faint, damp
In the dusty darkness
An eternal twilight
Trapped, feeling lost
Feeling placated
A coffin
I must
Escape

fear sits in the joints
of these clumsy hands*
like a stagnant pond
half drowned in shadow
which syllables could I string?
what words belong?
oh, how fearful these fingers
uneven nails and all
betray my feelings with
its trembling and nervousness
I fail to commit, to uptake
what they really want to say
and never mind the sound of the words
I'm far from ready to hear their notes
writing out would be the first step
to committing, and oh how I fear
that they would have
*never belonged

the custard glow of lamplight
cup of cinnamon coffee
a life bind in pages

The warmth shared
Between two souls
Is just learning
How to dance
Together

Sometimes I feel like
We are all solitary flesh
Of floating driftwood
Gone lost in the great expanse
Of the big blue sea
And those who are fated to be
Came from the same tree
Always swimming together
As far as they can see
And the bits and pieces
Which are left behind
Are what remains of the ones
Who have been struck by lightning
A flash of searing heat
The downpour of mournful rain
The blinding white light
And thundering sight
Sometimes we get scorched
Before we find our way

There are those who
Share their light and cheerfulness
By dancing,
Soaring with an array of
Breathless color
And collecting totems
As they speed life with
A spiraling grace
And fight

There are those who are proud
And rooted
A heart tall and growing
Like a great tree
Enduring the seasons
With such strength
Offering nurture
And gift

And there is everyone
In between

what is this
the need to scrub the suds
off of time

the pull to dust off
buried dreams of starships
and gusto

a gusto that
sounded a little like
I‘ll live

I don‘t know
what this is,
purpose?

how does it exist
outside of time?
untouched by money?

how do I know
what it is
what it says?

with such a big heart
I keep myself up
with such a big heart
it's own weight
can drown me

Your face
Pressed to
The palm of
My hand
And I caught
Your smile
In my grasp

My love
All I ever
Wished for is
To be held
And to be never
Let go
How wrong
Of me,
Love, let me go
I have to fly
I have to roam
But treat me right
Love with softness
And passion
and I promise
To return to you
With a beak full
Of flowers and melodies
Which sing of
The moon

Sometimes it builds
It all builds
Like the way the gutter groans
After the spilling downpour
Watch them fly
The wooden spoons and jesting ordeal
Endearing through the clash of sights
Wondering which side was light
Grass soaked in deep spilling night
Splattering gushes trickling in speech
At how the numbness has been breached
And it's time to break hell and teach

curled, pressed
a brisk melody,
loved, kissed
a rich consistency

cold nimble fingers
pressed into mine
a mantra whispering of oceans
the gleam in your eyes, the fear in your tears
a salty kiss streaking down your face
do not stray, my love
I got you.
I got you

please, my love*
never permit that
of what you lack
in abilities
to define who
you are in
life
simply be
that person who chose
to keep your heart beating
*no matter how ferocious the storm

the jagged snow capped peaks
and below at its feet
lush yellow green steppes*
lands of northern destinations
I for which wish to lay
my two chestnut brown eyes
on such a majestic serenity
to embark on a impeccable beauty
*strung with inexplicable journey

single pluck of guitar string
grandiose and gentle
smooth and beautiful

The weight, the tug
The pains which lace
The thoughts which peck
The eyes which thwart
The inner caches
Shift under light
Collecting change,
Giving more away
~A window,
A candle aflame
A breath of summer sweets
Rushing in the chest
Still under renovation
Paint the walls anew
Settle in down with wild flowers
A buzz of bees,
A trickling creek
Build a skylight
Allow the night to heal
A heart to be
A heart to grow
A heart to cup
With warmth

The floating feeling
Surfing through the air
Thick with richness
Of a summer shine,
Pale yellows and greens
Which glow,
Dappled, bouncing light
Shadows and gurgling “hellos”
The sensation of flying
Through thickets of
Swaying trees singing
In unison
With the blue, cerulean water
Lavender springs
And bumps into laughter
Time speeds past
And the breath smells
Like sweet, sweet wine
Drunk off the music
The northern, brisk breeze
Combs through my hair
And I wished
I could stay
Forever

The nights freezing
The sky an eternal blackness
Like a reflection of obsidian
The cosmos twinkle and glow

Trees yawning on the horizon
Snow drifting, spraying
The wind whipping my face
Winter nights mysterious and quiet

A quietness that hugs me

two teary eyes adjourn
smeared mascara slip
no hand to hold

a relative humanity known today as insanity
festering wounds devoured the eyes of man
strolling through those concrete realities
I cannot possibly explain the beginning gone clarity

this is not a love song to my future husband
not a confession of my feelings for you
sounds crazy, wingless butterflies
dragons flutter in my stomach
enraged from the sight of you

the looks of you, those lips and eyes
how each words escape without stains of dye
I see the back of you
those glimmering arched necks
masking the loneliness in disguise

right now I just really want to caress those wounds
wipe those tears careening from those eyes
I try desperately to shift my heart away
I'm afraid you'll hurt me
that I fall spineless and sightless
but it hurts too to block my heart
from impossible possibilities  

I travel to find that drop of warmth
yet I'm addicted to the breath
that sigh extinguishing vanity
claw my way out its too dark to sleep

I know I haven't been the best
I haven't been the prettiest
yet the cure to society  
I try desperately to grasp
in my hand I wield
these words to decipher
that blood weeping from my chest

yet I stay rooted in fear
that you may betray
yet I'm still here
holding desperately to your hand
you never notice just close your eyes in denial
I am here every step of the way
until the day you let go of our embrace
we have been holding on to
since the dawn of day

the pure joy watching
slowly, painfully staring
at a painting breathe to life
watching every stroke
every layered undertone
to speak with
a thousand syllables
the frothy white seas,
I can almost taste
the salt in the breeze,
the cloudy heavy sky
I can almost feel
the chill of shoreline ice
it's almost like
reading book
or writing  poem,
using that jewel
of imagination
to fuel
my own redemption

An eclipse into
Another mishap
Wrought iron gates
Sinking in emerald
Blades of grass
A forgotten address
Etched in the weathered stone
A frightful whisper of melodies
Strung with revolving anxieties
When the sound of a pin drop
Of a wayfarer
Stumbling upon the
Cracked foundation
Of an old friendship

terrified at the thought*
of warmth seeping again
petrified, I go about my day
with this sensation
seizing me under arrest
not good with this
no I cannot
smother such emotions
a week's past
the gap wedged
between my mind
*and heart

the riptide have ****** in
all that your chest can carry,
the salt is grating coldly
against the inside of your head,
leaving behind trails of grit,
killing the rippling thoughts
where the desperate ****
you hold onto cannot keep afloat
as the fury come crashing down,
thundering and screaming
a piercing whistle in your ears,
and that knotted, twisted clench
squirming underneath your ribcage,
you fight for a breath of air
yet the sea ***** you relentless
"where has gone the light?"
you ask,
"where has gone all the joy
of the world?"
you sink fast,
fast,
faster,
until the darkness starts
to drown in your head
do not cry, do not weep
do not lie in your bed alone
while your soul is weeping with sleet,
my dear,
you are never alone
the sun will come to filter
golden warmth on your sheets  
and crashing tides will steady
and the fury will clear,
guiding way to a life of tranquility

pillars of light
spill like bubbling mirth
so sweet, so healing

a heart which still quakes
a hand which throbs awake
welcome, to all, I say

what am I
but an impression in the world
a twilight of life
an ephemeral speck
a temporary flame
a fleeting beauty
of bones and soul

you see, it makes me feel important
the soft breaths of snowfall
muffling the thick rivulets of paint
the subtle hues and tones
hard concrete floor and nothing but
the silence silhouetted by the imagery
encompassing the meaning behind
of what it means to be human, that is
to try to live life with a little more conviction
when you feel it, it's impossible to let go
it's terrifying to see the ending in sight
yet don't let those trembling words know it
this is what it's like
to know how far
you are
willing
to
go

when it's right will I know it

I don't even know
Where to begin
On this concrete floor
Waiting for the forms
To come bursting in
A dash of color
Or flash of texture
Or even maybe
The grate of silence
Screaming as loud as ever
It's easy to get lost

what does it all mean,*
the pressure of hand and hand
as two people who love gaze
*inquiringly into opposite directions

there is a forecast
brewing over the weeping landscape
thunderous clouds pound the earth
and bruised the cerulean sky
into purple emphasis of pain
the electricity rages
and cracks the horizon
the rain pelts in a single exhale
as I ran away

wait until the affection cedes
then as the storm ascends
pump your arms
pull your lip over your teeth
shut your eyes tight tight tight
as the forecast will rage tonight
yes it will, it will rage
upon the terrains of your chest
that inner specialness

don't stop running,
run run run run
don't worry about the mascara
or the ends of your shirt
dig your fingernails
into the betrayed flesh
of your palms
run run run run
the storm raging upon you
don't let it catch you
never turn back

what the hell were you doing there
you know you are a ******
a creep, an unlabeled something
a someone with no one
don't worry about your shoes
they fall, they always fall
keep your head down
and run as fast as you can

bury the keys to your gates
drop it in a well
right now all you have to do
is to protect yourself
from those anguished memories
the almost encounters and doubts
the insecurities and fragmented hopes
keep my head down
right now,
just escape