note to self

avoid laying down
my eyes begin to tire
head hang heavy
thoughts run empty
before I get
*any work done

craning my neck to the never-ending ascent
cemented stairs narrowing into dizzying consent
flickering, dull neon lights,
my shoes tapped as I puffed
above the steps of flight
the air was cool,
posters plastered on the gloss
sharpie scribbled pertaining messages
historical analogies, flashback memories
creak, the heavy metal door opened
place a stopper, shush my breath away
before me splayed an array of shafts
wooden beams and rotating lighting crafts
silent and dark, empty and stark
I tiptoed and clung to the ladder
tasting like metal and smelling of riddles
I finally sit, spotter vibrating in hand
the piercing white light following my
every trail
headset fastened, murmuring conversations
the show is starting in
3
2
1
go
actors file onto the gleaming stage
vibrant hues and melancholy shadows
each element working in unison
my hands spotting the beams
flashes of color
ringing tones of vocal chords
musical, theater performance
and I sit in my booth
hands tingling from light's heat
watching the show unfold,
behold, transform,
beneath my feet

Standing aside
sun gibbering
a moments collide
rotating dreams
shifting upon axis
thrown adrift,
start the car
it's time to go
seeing faraway
pollen drifting
in your hair
set of jaws
Tense in despair
smell the gas?
Time to go
on the verge
Off the curve
careful not to drive
Into the sea
careful not to drive
over the wet sand
wary of desires
too easily
set adrift

grey, gloomy shadows transpire
from the pale beaded window
cold, slushy drops rap the glass
I undo the laces to my shoes
and tumble onto the ground
hard, bronze wooden floors
gleaming silently, like
petals of moon unfold
I hear my lungs rushing
exhausted climbing to the
apartment floor,
shoulders strained from
balancing my bag
a wallet of nonexistent cash
makeup probably smudged
lipstick faded, my muscles begin to sag
I wish to fade, so very gently
just to forget about my stress
to bury my anxiety permanently