It doesn't matter how hard I try
I never seem to get away
Cause after all you did to me
I fear these feelings will always stay

Your lies I believed were the truth beneath
The pain recedes but the heart bleeds
My instincts were right all along
I’m just a part of your love song

You see, I live my life in fear
Fear I won't succeed
And every small critique I get
Makes me once again recede

My Iloveyous to you were inevitable
Like the sun emitting his ardor
Despite the moon in slumber’s nocturne
He shines brightly with fervor

I live my life, always afraid
That I am not on the right path
And if I take one small misstep
I'll have to face somebody's wrath

Time consumes me while I waste it away
Like grains of sand as I clenched and ran
Only to lose it
Again and again

I am eternally scared
That all my judgments are wrong
And if I ever meet someone
They'll only like me for so long

But then I met you out of the blue
You were trying to forget someone too
We sparked like fireworks in the night sky
But the fire burnt out and our colors faded hue

I live my life in constant fear
I fear that you were right
I simply am not good enough
And I will not be alright

Thank you for proving me right
That we were not meant to be
How could you love another light
When I was the one your darkness pleased

But even worse than all these things
Is my terror that someday
I will meet someone else like you
And not be able to get away.

You complete me
&
You destroyed me

I've come to the decision
That friendship is a knife
You grab onto one for self defense
To protect your very life

You keep it by your side
And when things are looking grey
You clutch it even tighter
To keep your enemies at bay

The knife gives you security
And you know it is always there
But sometimes after a bit of time
That knife begins to wear.

The handle might break off
Leaving nothing but the blade
But it's the knife that you are used to
So you grab it; unafraid

It cuts into your hand
but you try to ignore the pain
Hanging onto this piece of you
Is worth the open vein

As you're hurting more and more
You hold on to the knife more firmly
Until the knife begins to hurt so much
That you are begging it for mercy

The tighter you hang onto it
The more damage it can do
Only one person can make it stop
In the end, that person is *you

When fighting with depression
One waits for their mental shift
The magical moment when it is over
And their mood begins to lift

Sometimes along recovery road
You find a mental shift that's fake
It doesn't last for very long though
Sadness sneaks back in just like a snake.

I do not suffer from depression
But I do have my own traumas
I want to stay in bed forever
And never change out of the pajamas

I fight to put them behind me
In whatever way I can
Sometimes I think that I've moved on
But find I'm right back where I began

It's like wandering through a forest
But in the middle of the night
With a map I cannot read
And a tiny broken light

I know there is a way out
But I just can't seem to find it
And sometimes I think I see a light
But then fall into a tar pit

After years in the dark forest
After trudging through so much tar
I thought that I was finally free
And could follow the light of a star

That star was my false shift
For I am still fighting like hell to cope
I am still wandering in a never-ending forest
But I might have a tiny glimmer of hope

What does integrity mean to me?
it means,
you don't sell out for an advantage,
for a cheaper room  in which to house
your treachery,
integrity is not your domain
not in this city
not in my name.

Among the fleas and the dog ***** of life
I have swallowed my pride
walked clear of the wild side
only to find
I am flying with *****, with the
Frankenstein bolts and the bits
of those half men
who never know when
to quit.

Integrity is what you earn as you learn
and you learn that it cannot be bought,
just a little thought of mine which will
fade like you
in time.

You found God in your heart
and met me less than a month later.

There are no coincidences.