I keep thinking if my hair looked different that night,
or if I was chewing a different flavor of gum,
things would have turned out differently.

The evening when you left,
I couldn't stand the color of the walls,
or the stains in the carpet,
I moved out within the week.

I still haven't fully unpacked,
because I'm still hoping you'll fall in love with me.

I watched the daises slowly melt
like ice cream,
and I watched the ants walk their paths
but they had no idea where they were going.

I went to the beach the other day,
and all I could think about was the patch on your belly button,
and how you overreacted about the naked children,
but mostly,
the way you looked at me when I was in the water.

I tried to read your pretty words,
but I was too distracted by happiness.
I wanted to take a picture,
but they don't sell my size film anymore.
And as I listened to the songs you shared with me,
I realized that anyone could like the same ones,
and that I was silly for thinking I was in love.

It made me think about that night with the guy I just met,
how his car was cold and I kept shaking,
and the music was really bad,
but I kissed him anyway.
Then afterwards on the way home,
I kept thinking about how beautiful you are,
and about how I wanted to see you that night.
How I still haven't gotten the chance to see the color of your eyes for myself.

I wrote some letters this week,
I want to write them to you too,
or maybe I'll call you,
I haven't heard your voice enough,
and I've almost memorized what I've heard already.

When I saw you drawing that hand,
I wished it was my hand,
and I wished you would reach out and hold it
as if you've held it a million times before,
but it meant more than anything to you,
and I wished that you would dream about the softness.

I feel like I should be embarrassed,
but I doubt you even check these anyway.

bye.

You make me feel different than anyone has ever made me feel before.
I think different too.
It's not good, or bad,
it's just the way it is.
Sometimes we have to accept things that we don't want to,
but that's life,
and if you want to feel anything then you need to listen.
Desires can make people sick with confusion,
so sick that they can't sleep,
or taste the food in their mouth,
or hear their favorite song,
or feel the wind on a hot day.

Obsession is dry,
and tasteless,
and it hurts like nothing you could ever believe.
So stop treating me like a child who asks too many questions
and treat me like the beautiful person you claim I am.

don't ever think that,
if the opportunity arose,
that i wouldn't take
a bat to your teeth.
you may not care
but every word is about you.
every curse on my lips.
"cross my heart,
i hope you die."
you may not care,
but just so you know,
when your life goes to ****
i'll be there to cheer the fuckery on.
you deserve every tear that hits your pillow.
i hope your parents hate you
[more than they already do].
i hope he dies.
i hope every night
when you try to sleep
nightmares haunt you.
and we both know you'll
never make anything of yourself.
you'll forever be nothing
more than a two-faced *****.
you're nothing
more than a thorn in my side.
the buzzing in the back of my mind.
so you can sleep soundly tonight.
i'll be waiting for the night you scream.

you always seem to find yourself
choking back words.
you'd rather choke by swallowing
your own tongue than admit the truth.
but jesus ******* christ,
you want to say those words
more than anything.
how you really feel.
what's really on your mind.
but society has taught you
that this is taboo.
if you pair "speaking your mind"
with politics,
you'll find yourself with
a bullet in your head.
but one day,
you'll go silent
from all the words
you'll never say.

When I touched you, I felt iron strength shielded
In degrees, I slowly unveiled layers
To this rarity of bliss, you quickly yielded
I knew this, as I felt your heart
Beating there

On the floor, waves of iron lay there gleaming
Memories dying within all they knew
Yet your strength, I could still feel beaming
From your beautiful eyes
Stared back truth

I unveiled each of your iron layers so slowly
You barely knew I was there
Approaching your strength absolutely
With respect for its meaning
Kept in care

When I touched you, I unveiled tenderness
In degrees, here before unknown
Yet, the strength you carry is no less
In my eyes, you are still
Beautifully strong